Clone-A-Willy Kit Original

Clone-A-Willy Kit Original —— $39.95

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “What’s more fun than buying yourself a sex toy? Making your own, that’s what.”
Hank: “Glenn nearly wet himself when he caught sight of the Clone-A-Willy Kit. He can’t help it; he fancies himself a regular Martha Stewart. I swear this man can make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.”
Glenn: “Awww, see how you are? Isn’t he sweet? It’s true though, I got an instant hardon thinking about cloning Hank’s willie.”
Hank: “At first I thought, damn, my hog ain’t gonna fit in that tube. But it did and the rest is history.”
Glenn: “Hold on there, big fella! We didn’t even tell them what happened.”
Hank: “Yeah, sorry, I got a little ahead of myself.”
Glenn: “If you don’t mind me quoting from the Empire Labs promotional materials. The Clone-A-Willy’s medically tested molding gel process captures incredible, life-like detail, making this the most personalized vibrating sex toy you will ever own. Each kit contains everything you need to create an exact replica of any penis in the comfort of your own home.”
Hank: “There are several things you ought to know from the get-go. First, you must follow the directions exactly as presented. Second, it’s essential that you have everything near-to-hand before you start to mix any of the ingredients. Third, if it’s your cock that’s getting molded, you will have to maintain an erection under some stressful conditions; like ‘hurry up and wait!’”
Glenn: “All very good points! I will add that the process can get a little messy. If you’re anal retentive like me you will want to use disposable plastic containers to do your mixing. And be sure to cover your countertop and floor with some plastic sheeting. I used some leftover plastic painting tarp that I draped over the counter and on to the floor.”
Hank: “While Glenn was busy in the kitchen I put on some porn and stretched out on the couch. I slipped on a snug cock ring and started to pull my pud using a little water-based lube. I wanted to make sure that I was at full-mast for my big close-up.”
Glenn: “Once I had everything set up I called for Hank to join me. He had this sheepish look on his face, but he also had a raging hardon. I think he was afraid that he would lose his wood before the mold was set. I assured him we’d work fast. Well actually, that’s precisely what you have to do…work fast. We trimmed the plastic tube to the right size. I mixed the molding powder in water and filled the tube. Hank plunged in his dick and we held it there till the mold set.”
Hank: “The anticipation was the worst part. But it’s over almost as fast as it began. I think it only took a minute for the mold to set. I pealed off the excess molding material, twisted the plastic tube a bit and out popped my cock; no worse for the wear.”
Glenn: “We let the mold dry completely before I started to mix the rubber mixture. I pored the mixture in the mold, added the vibrating unit as the instructions directed and left it on the counter to set for 24 hours.”
Hank: “I couldn’t believe my eyes when, the next day, we pulled the completed dildo from the mold. It was so fuckin’ lifelike! I gotta tell you it’s a bizarre experience seeing an exact replica of your own dick. I love it though.”
Glenn: “You love it? Imagine how I must feel! Now I’ll never be without at least one of Hank’s cocks; even if he takes the original one on a business trip, I’ll always have the other to keep me occupied.”
Hank: “If you are a do-it-yourself type of person and you like a little challenge. If you can follow directions without getting all flustered; then Clone-A-Willy is a fun project for you and your partner to do together. Just be prepared for a silly messy time. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

Stroker Xl

Stroker Xl—— $34.96

I came away with what I think is the ideal masturbation sleeve. Here is the Stroker Xl, which is made of 100% silicone. There’s no topping that for quality, durability and ease of care.

The silicone in the Stroker Xl is much softer and more supple than I expected. In fact, is so flexible that you can turn it inside out with ease. The outside of the sleeve is smooth; yet, I had no problem getting grip on it even with slightly lubed up hands. The inside has numerous waves, which provide a really nice massaging action on my cock. I really like the fact that the opening (and you can use either end) is wide enough to accommodate my big wiener. If I have to struggle to insert my cock into something, especially a toy; forgetaboutit!

The Stroker Xl is an opaque white color. There’s nothing fussy about it and it doesn’t have that faux flesh feeling to it. And that’s because silicone doesn’t contain harmful Phthalates that would make other materials soft and squishy. And you know Phthalates can be harmful to your health, right?

I had a ball bustin my nut with the Stroker Xl. I grabbed me some water-based lube and slathered it all over my johnson. I was able to pierce the sleeve with ease, yet there was enough friction for some mighty fine pleasure. One drawback is that the sleeve is open at both ends. This doesn’t allow for a vacuum effect that a lot of the other masturbators I’ve tried create. I mean it’s no big thing, because depending on the strength of my grip, I can do a lot of the same thing with just my hand.

It’s kind of a short sleeve, just sort of 6”. That’s not a problem, because I liked seeing my dickhead come out the top with each stroke. After my first very successful stroke session I had two more in the next 36 hours. I plan on keeping the Stroker Xl handy for those “I really need to get off right now” moments. I seem to have a lot of those.

Again, clean up is a snap. Warm soapy water does the trick. It air dries easy enough too. And there is no tacky, sticky effects that happens with those squishy sleeves. In fact, you can even sterilize the Stroker Xl by boiling it; running it through the dishwasher; or wiping it down with a 10% bleach or peroxide solution.

I store my Stroker Xl in a sock in my drawer. Keeps it clean and ready for use at the drop of a hat. Whoops, did I just drop my hat?

If you are looking for a top of the line masturbation sleeves, I defy you to find anything better than the Stroker Xl.

This sex toy review sponsored by Adult Sex Toys: over 8,000 sex toys and adult toys to choose from.

Titanmen Vibrations #3 Master

Titanmen Vibrations #3 Master —— $21.87

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “First off; Hank and I are Titan Media’s biggest fans. You don’t know Titan Media? Get with it, fuckers! They’re about the best gay porn producers out there. Check it out. And a big shout out to our favorite Titan star, Tony Buff.”
Hank: “The reason Glenn said what he did about Titan Media is because today we have one of their signature toys to review. It’s called the Titanmen Vibrations #3 Master. We’ve seen these online for months now and have been itchin’ to get our paws on some of these.”
Glenn: “The Vibrations #3 Master is so hot lookin. It big; it’s bold; it’s ribbed and it’s my favorite color — black.”
Hank: “If I know Glenn, and I think I do, his rosebud was twitchin’ in anticipation of this billy club of a vibe landin’ where the sun don’t shine.”
Glenn: “Oh man; I could hardly wait to get it out of the package.”
Hank: “It’s waterproof, bendable and truly man-sized. It’s powered by 2 AA batteries, which are not included in the package.”
Glenn: “So I rip through the package to get hold of this monster and low and behold the thing smells totally funky. It has this strong odor of off gas that tells me this thing is not made of quality materials. Don’t know what off gas is; look it up! You’ll be just as freaked out as me.
This really sucks, in my humble opinion. The package says that it’s made of Silagel. Never heard of it. But it is supposed to be anti-bacterial, non-toxic and latex free. If it’s non-toxic; what’s causing the smell?”
Hank: “We’ve been doing these reviews long enough to know that when a toy smells funny, like this one does, we know not to use it on, or in our bodies. Our noses are our first line of defense against harmful materials. Your nose should be too.”
Glenn: “So I scrubbed the blasted thing down with soap and hot water before using it. There was still a faint smell after its bath, so I decided to slip a condom over it before I had Hank shoved it in my ass.”
Hank: “The condom, while a wise precaution, really took away from the kick-ass look of the toy. And that’s really too bad. I wonder why Titan didn’t insist on silicone for their signature line. Everything else they do is first class, why not their toys? Most of us don’t mind paying a bit more for a quality toy. Know what I mean?”
Glenn: “So anyhow, with new batteries in place I tested out the vibration. It’s pretty wimpy in terms of vibration, even at the highest speed.”
Hank: “And the rheostat kinda speed adjustment thingy on the toy’s base is pathetically second rate.”
Glenn: “The Vibrations #3 Master looks like it’s made to last; the packaging says it’s indestructible. That’s bull-oney! Closer inspection shows it to be a cheap crummy toy. But then again, ya can’t really expect otherwise for $20.”
Hank: “I hate when this happens. We both were so psyched to finally own one of these toys. But in the end, it was disappointment-ville all the way. Come on Titan; you surely can do better than this.”

Sex Toys & Vibrators

Profil & Mamba Condoms

Profil 3-Pack —— $6.00
Mamba 3- Pack —— $6.00

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “We consume a shit-load of condoms every year.”
Hank: “You might even say we have a little condom fetish.”
Glenn: “We always bring our own condoms to all the play parties we attend. And there are always buckets full of our favorite rubbers available at our house when we are the hosts of a party.”
Hank: “We simply can’t get behind barebacking. I know a lot of guys are doing it these days, but Glenn and I stand firm.”
Glenn: “We play with a lot of people and there’s simply no way of knowing where they’ve all been or what they’ve all been doing. So the path of the least resistance is a love glove; plain and simple!”
Hank: “When you find a good condom; one that fits and that’s comfortable; well, it’s like wearing nothing at all.Profil is one such condom. It fits me perfectly, it’s super sheer and it has a nice reservoir tip; all the things I look for in a rubber.”
Glenn: “I second that! I like the Mamba style. It’s a lot like Profil, but it’s yellow.”
Hank: “Glenn likes yellow because he’s a piss queen.”
Glenn: “That’s not the only reason I like yellow. But yeah, he’s right about me bein a big piss queen.”
Hank: “These condoms are made in Sweden; they’re silky and pre-lubed. The contour is great too. It’s snug right under my dickhead.”
Glenn: “The O!Zone people are the exclusive American importer of these superior RFSU condoms.”
Hank: “Oh, and about the vegan thing. While I never thought much about this before; it does make sense. So here’s the deal, the Vegan Action Foundation certifies that no animal products of any kind were used in the manufacturing of these condoms nor were any animals used in product testing.”
Glenn: “Use these condoms and make yours a greener, cruelty-free fuck.”
Hank: “You can’t beat that with a stick. Buy some today!”

Mister Twister

We have yet another exquisite erotic art insertable from the artisans at XHale Glass.  This is the third product we’ve reviewed from this outstanding company.  See the other HERE!

Mister Twister ——  $129.95

Glenn & Hank
Glenn:  “WE’RE BACK!  Did you miss us?  We missed you.  Well actually, we missed the sex toys.  Being a Review Crew member has its perks.”
Hank:  “He’s in such a good mood because we got to review another toy that he can shove up his ass.  Glenn has the hungriest hole around.”
Glenn:  “I like to think of it as talented, not hungry.”
Hank:  “A rosebud by any other name…”
Glenn:  “Speaking of talented; a literary allusion and an asshole allusion all in one sentence.  You’re on a roll, my man!”
Hank:  “Ok, let’s get on with it.  What we have here is an art glass butt plug. Mister xh600Twister is just one of the beautiful creations to be had when you visit XHale online.  Glenn and I are new to glass, but after this little encounter; there will surely be more glass toys to come.”
Glenn:  “This petite beauty is only 3 3/8” tall.  It has a very modest girth of not much more than an inch.  This is your starter butt plug model.  I’m like totally used to way bigger toys in my ass, but there is something about this stunning little number that makes it one of my favorites.  I feel all dressed up with this puppy pluggin my hole.  Maybe that’s because it’s art, baby.  All XHale art is individually handmade, which makes my insertable even more precious to me.  No one else in the world has exactly the same one as I.”
Hank:  “It sure is!  It also has this amazing blue and white swirl in the solid glass.  That’s why when Mister Twister joined our dildo and plug collection it was like a snowy dove trooping with crows.”
Glenn:  “There you go again!  Apparently you’ve got Romeo and Juliet on the brain.  But you’re right; Mister Twister is a jewel, that’s for sure.”
Hank:  “Because this is the highest quality glass, it will last a lifetime; ya just gotta treat it with care.”
Glenn:  “XHale helps you do that by providing a very sturdy black padded drawstring pouch to keep your insertable art safe from getting nicked or chipped.  But we think Mister Twister is so beautiful; when it’s not adorning my hole it is proudly placed on our mantle.”
Hank:  “And if you think that is gross, you don’t know squat about glass insertables.  You can clean this baby with simple soap and water; wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution; or sterilize in boiling water or the dishwasher.”
Glenn:  “You can use any sort of lube you want to with a glass object like this.  And a little goes a very long way.  For someone unfamiliar with a butt plug, this will take some getting use to.  It’s hard as a rock.  But once you get the hang of it, it will be your material of choice from there on out.  I can wear Mister Twister for hours on end.  There’s no chafing; nothing like that.”
Hank:  “And you can warm or chill glass for an added sensation.”
Glenn:  “Not all glass toys are made of the same quality glass.  But if you are considering a purchase, look for the name XHale.  You will not be disappointed.”
Hank:  “Glass, particularly stunning art glass like this, is gonna cost you.  But what thing of quality won’t?”
Glenn:  “If you know someone with an asshole and that person is very special; then Mister Twister is the ideal holiday gift for him or her.”

Liberator Ramp

Liberator Ramp —— $200.00

Glenn:  “Check this out!  This is the best thing that’s happened to butt fuckin since the invention of the sling.  The   Ramp is just one of Liberator’s many sex furniture shapes that are designed to add more fun and lessen bodily stress for whatever kind of sex you have up your sleeve.”
Hank:  “Or down your pant leg, as the case may be.  We got us a plus sized   Ramp and it is covered in black pleather.  But you can choose from a bunch of sizes and fabric options.”


Glenn:  “Pleather is great, because it cleans up fast.  And that’s a big plus because our sessions can get pretty messy.”
Hank:  “Ok, so what is the Liberator  Ramp exactly and why is even better than a sling, or a swing for that matter?  Good questions. The Liberator  Ramp is a big triangular shaped, sturdy, comfy and solidly made cushion.  Ours is 29” X 35” X 12”.  And it can be used in a multitude of ways.”
Glenn:  “It’s better than a sling or swing, because it’s portable, storable and you don’t have to suspend it from the ceiling, or set it up every time you want to shag.  It does stow easily under the bed.  It’s perfect for butt fuckin, because regardless of what position you like the Liberator  Ramp is gonna make the sex a whole lot better for the top as well as the bottom.”
Hank:  “Glenn likes it doggie style.  I just bend him over the  Ramp and plow away at his ass.  It’s easier on me, because his ass is elevated to just the right position for the ass-ult.  I can go as deep as possible, because his pelvis is supported by the Ramp.  Oh, and ya can’t really do doggie style in a sling or swing!”
Glenn:  “Hank is right!  I don’t have to arch my back or strain my arms and wrists pressing back against his manly thrusts.  But he can still grab my hair and pull.”
Hank:  “You joke, but I know you love it deep and heavy.  You’re just a dirty little piggy bottom, aren’t you?”
Glenn:  “Oink, oink!  I do enjoy a furious ride, that’s for damn sure.  Ok, so if you want to do another position, all you do is reposition yourself on the  Ramp for a little face-to-face action.  Like I lay down on the Ramp, with my head at the lowest part of the incline.  I scoot my butt to the highest edge of the incline.”
Hank:  “Again, his ass is perfectly positioned for me to fuck him silly.  With Glenn already angled down, I can lift and open his legs with ease.”
Glenn:  “My toes are pointed to Jesus, and I’m in fuckin’ heaven.”
Hank:  “Oh, the  Ramp is great for cocksucking too.  I just lay back on the Ramp, in the position Glenn just described, which elevates my hips 12” off the floor.  Glenn has all the access he needs to my dick, balls and rosebud.  He can service me till his heart’s content.”
Glenn:  “Again, there no stress or strain on my neck or back while I blow him.  And in this position Hank can grab his knees and pull open his own legs.  PERFECT!”
Hank:  “Could you live without a Ramp?  I suppose you could; we did all these years.  But now that we have this amazing piece of sex furniture, we’re thinking about adding other Liberator shapes to our collection.  HINT, HINT; Liberator send us more of your products, please!
Glenn:  “I should probably add that the   Ramp was a big hit at a recent orgy we hosted.  Everyone was fighting for their time on the Ramp.  You know this thing is golden if it can satisfy a room full of sex-crazed queens.”
Hank:  “The  Ramp is a bit pricy, but it’s totally worth it.  It’s beautifully made here in the good old US of A of high quality materials.  It will last!”
Glenn:  “I can promise you that it will enhance your sex life, as it has ours.”