Dear Abby DVD

Dear Abby — $23.43

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “Kevin and I were reminiscing about the first review we did together. It was for the WE-vibe. That was way back in August of 2008. I was shy and clueless about most sexual things. I was your average recovering Catholic girl, back then, who couldn’t wait to discover the big bad world out there.”
Kevin: “And I’m happy to report that I was the corrupting influence in her life. Although I must say she didn’t offer much resistance. Since that fateful We-vibe review, we’ve been all over the map, so to speak. We get such a hoot out of looking back on all the reviews we’ve done since then. You can find them HERE.”
Gina: “Yeah, it’s like looking at an old yearbook. I was such an innocent back then. Well, all that has changed. Now I’m as sexually adventurous as they come.”
Kevin: “But do you remember when you discovered my stash of porn movies on one of your first over-nights at my place? Do you remember your reaction?”
Gina: “Yes, I do. I was so disillusioned. I couldn’t believe you were into that stuff. I thought you were so cool and progressive; how could you watch porn? Back then I though all porn was disgusting and exploitative of women. I had so much to learn. Now I’m able to tell good porn from bad. And that’s why I jumped at the chance to review Dear Abby.”
Kevin: “She’s right! But I didn’t share Gina’s opinion when she brought home the DVD. The packaging looks exactly like what a major Hollywood studio would produce for a mainstream romantic comedy. I thought for certain this was going to be a dud. My taste in porn is way more edgy.”
Gina: “I knew he was going to say that. I immediately saw the disappointment in his eyes when I showed him the package. However, The Romance Series has a reputation for delivering great watchable sex along with really convincing non-sex performances by the same performers. I don’t find that too often, even in the porn that I’ve come to like very much.”
Kevin: “This is a great adult movie for couples. I hesitate to use the term ‘porn’, because it may turn off some in our audience who have yet to discover that sexually explicit movies, like Dear Abby, can be enjoyed without the guilt associated with watching mainstream porn. But just so you know, this is not soft-core sex. On the contrary; the sex is full-on and totally hot and sweaty. It is, however, of the vanilla variety. And there’s no flimsy storyline just to string together a bunch of unrelated sex scenes. No, this is a real movie movie.”
Gina: “Dear Abby is the story of a young couple, who have broken up, but eventually find their way back together. Ok, so I’ll admit the premise is pretty trite, but movie is not. There are four sex scenes featuring four very attractive couples. Unlike a lot of the porn I’ve seen, these couples seem to have real chemistry together. The camerawork is first-rate and the viewer is treated to an over all view of the couples enjoying themselves, not just fucking. There are no intense close-ups that make some porn really creepy. The sex is never hurried and the female characters are believable. In fact, they are presented as multidimensional people, not mindless sex dolls for the gratification of the guys. And there’s kissing, lots and lots of kissing.”
Kevin: “Both the guys and the gals are very attractive. And the blowjobs scenes are fantastic. Did I mention I LOVE blowjobs? But wait; are all the guys in porn these days shaving their pubes? Looks like it from this feature. Not one of the male performers has a bush. WTF?”
Gina: “Yeah, I wondered about that too. I like to see a man’s bush.”
Kevin: “No one used a condom in this movie. I was disappointed by that, but you rarely see condoms in straight porn.”
Gina: “I’m totally hot for Dear Abby. And to all the women out there, who have yet to discover the joys of female oriented porn, take a look at this title. I guarantee that you will not be disappointed.”
Kevin: “Ditto to that!”

The Boa Pleasure Ties and Intima Silk Blindfold

Boa Pleasure Ties —— $80.45
Intima Silk Blindfold —— $59.55

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “We have two LELO Pleasure Products to tell you about today. Generally, we would do separate reviews for each, but in this instance, since the two products are companion pieces; we thought we’d tie them together in one review.”
Kevin: “Tie then together! You’re such a punster, Gina. The two products are the Boa Pleasure Ties and the Intima Silk Blindfold. If you haven’t already guessed these items are sheshe bondage toys.”

Gina: “The Boa Pleasure Ties are two 42” lengths of luscious 100% pure scarlet silk to be used as restraints. At one end of each tie is a lightly weighted pouch, at the other end stylish metal rings. This is divine decadence at its…well most decedent. You use the Boa Pleasure Ties as you would any restraint. Use them to secure wrists and/or ankles to a bedpost, or the like, for some lie-down bondage.”
Kevin: “You can also sling the weighted pouches over a door. When the door is closed the pouches keep the ties from slipping through, allowing for some stand-up bondage.”

Gina: “The Boa Pleasure Ties work like a typical two O-ring belt does. You make a loop around the parts you are restraining; the end is pulled through the two O-rings, then doubled back around one o-ring to keep the restraint in place. The silk moves smoothly and effortlessly over the skin.”
Kevin: “The Intima Silk Blindfold, on the other hand, is designed to offer sensual sensory deprivation along with your sensual bondage. It too is made of 100% pure scarlet silk. I have to say; the concept, craftsmanship and production values of both these products are exquisite. The attention to detail is remarkable. But then again, I wouldn’t expect anything less from the venerable LELO brand.”
Gina: “And while we’re talking about presentation, we should also say a few words about the packaging. Both packages are identical and in a word, elegant. Both the blindfold and ties come in a simple, understated black matte box that is encased in an outer box of glossy cardboard. The outer box features a stunning image of the product and it is embossed with the LELO logo. Inside the inner black matte box, the products are wrapped inside attractive high-quality tissue paper. All the packaging is biodegradable. Congratulations on GREENING your packaging, LELO.”
Kevin: “OK, so that’s all the good stuff. Let’s take a closer look, shall we? The Boa Pleasure Ties are basically extravagant playthings. They are not intended for a real bondage scenario. The oversized O-rings let the silk material slip between them with ease. This will frustrate anyone but the rank amateur or a silly dilettante.”
Gina: “And the Intima Silk Blindfold doesn’t actually work when put to the test. The design is very peculiar. It is a one-piece blindfold that has a tight elastic band in back. It did not fit comfortably on my head; it was way too tight. The curious thing is that the blindfold comes with attached ties that would have served much better for securing the blindfold to one’s head. Why it has both an elastic band and ties is beyond me.”
Kevin: “And although the blindfold is attractive, it simply doesn’t provide the sensory deprivation any true blindfold should. You can see light through it and it doesn’t cover ones eyes properly.”
Gina: “And whatever you do, don’t get either the Boa Pleasure Ties or the Intima Silk Blindfold dirty. Body oils, makeup and perspiration will ruin the silk. And if you should accidentally get lube on either one of these toys, you can forget about it.”
Kevin: “In the end, I had to ask myself; what is LELO trying to do here? These are extremely expensive extravagances that don’t actually work.”
Gina: “I asked myself the same thing. I mean, who can afford $140 for very beautiful, but frivolous novelties?”
Kevin: “I can’t recommend either of these items.”
Gina: “Sadly, neither can I.”

Wet For Her – Two

Wet For Her Two —— $39.00

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “When we swung by Dr Dick pad to pick up our latest product for review, Kevin and I had such a laugh. When we were handed the Wet For Her Two, we though it was one of those gag novelty items you often see in adult stores.”
Kevin: “Absolutely! But upon closer inspection we discovered that Wet For Her Two is not a novelty in a joke sort of way, but a pleasure object that is designed in a novel way.”
Gina: “We probably should have known that our first impression was wrong because the Wet For Her Two packaging is simple but very smart-looking. There is no garish sexual depictions like one would expect to see on a novelty item. There is, however, a totally hot image of a bare-breasted woman holding two fingers over her nipple on the back panel of the box.”
Kevin: “I’ll say; it’s sizzlin’ alright! And the two finger placement over her nipple, besides being discreet, hints at what the Wet For Her Two is.”
Gina: “The Wet For Her Two is a very creative insertable that slips over your forefinger and middle finger an acts as an extension for your fingers so that you can manual penetrate yourself or your partner with ease. The first 3 inches or so of the toy are hollow, the last 2 inches solid. So you get how it works, right? It’s beautifully low-tech.”
Kevin: “When Gina says; “manually penetrate,” what she actually means is finger-fucking. That’s why the concept of finger extensions is such a novel, and I might add brilliant, idea. It makes finger-fucking effortless because the Wet For Her Two extends your reach. I’d never be able to finger Gina’s G-spot using my god-given fingers; they’re just too short. Kudos to the lesbian identified chicks who came up with this idea.”
Gina: “Yeah, leave it to lesbians to know their way around a pussy as well as know how to pleasure one. The Wet For Her Two is made of 100% body-safe silicone. It’s soft and pliable enough to feel your own internal temperature as well as your orgasmic contractions when they cum. That being said, I have to admit that I much preferred Kevin using the Wet For Her Two on me than me using it on myself. When I used it on myself, the palm of my hand covered my clit so that I could only use the heal of my hand to rub myself there.”
Kevin: “Believe me, I was happy to oblige Gina. Her G-spot orgasms are beautiful to behold. And up until this point, I’d been only able to make her cum with a dildo type insertable. Now that I have these finger extensions, I’m like doing it myself, without the help of a foreign object. There is one thing I need to mention though. Clearly the Wet For Her Two is designed for thinner, feminine fingers. It was a struggle to slip this thing over my fat, manly fingers. I wound up dabbing a bit of water-based lube on my fingers and inside the Wet For Her Two for easier insertion. That did the trick.”
Gina: “The Wet For Her Two is made to be shared. Because it’s silicone, it’s nonporous, phthalates-free, hypoallergenic, latex-free and waterproof. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. You can also sanitize it with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution. Drop it in a pot of boiling water or run it through the dishwasher; it’s all good!”
Kevin: “Speaking of sharing; I decided to take the Wet For Her Two for a spin up my ass. Anyone who follows our reviews knows I have penchant for repurposing any and all G-spot toys into P-spot toys. And I am happy to report that this baby worked like a charm. Guys, why struggle to massage your prostate with just your fingers when you can do so more easily and without the wrist strain with the Wet For Her Two.”
Gina: “But, just like me, Kevin preferred that I use the Wet For Her Two on him instead of him poking himself in the ass with it.”
Kevin: “It’s true! I’m perfectly able to diddle myself, but I love it when Gina takes over. Once she gets me warmed up with the Wet For Her Two, I’m all ready for her to peg me senseless with one of her strap-on dildos. YUMMY!”
Gina: “Gotta love a man who loves his ass.”
Kevin: “So, despite the heavy marketing toward women, I can assure you that the Wet For Her Two can make a guy “wet” TOO. I mean, fingers are fingers and holes are holes, right?”
Gina: “We both think you’ll like the Wet For Her Two.”

The Pearl by Made To Pleasure

The Pearl —— £95.00

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “After the recent epic fail of one of our favorite vibes, (you can read about that HERE). Kevin and I were so happy to turn our attention to a pleasure product that is stunningly elegant in its simplicity. We are elated to share with you the Pearl just one of the beautiful designs from the up and coming boutique toy company, Made To Pleasure.”
Kevin: “So true! The Made To Pleasure company got my attention immediately for the clever play on words that is their company name. But it also describes them to a tee. You see, you can actually design your own toy (made to order) or choose from the classic designs already created. You simply can’t get more accommodating than that.”
Gina: “I love the idea that anyone of us could design a unique toy for ourselves by simply using the design template on their site. I had fun just playing around with their design tool. Mmm, ‘design tool’, that sounds dirty!”
Kevin: “The Pearl also introduces us to a completely new material — acrylic (aka Lucite). We’ve not seen anything like this before. At first glance, one would guess the crystal-clear Pearl is glass. But it’s not. It shares a lot of the same properties as a quality glass pleasure product, but acrylic is lighter. And for the truly decadent among us, you can order a 99.9% pure gold and silver-plated design.”
Gina: “Yeah, wouldn’t that be spectacular! The Pearl comes in a stylish embossed black matte gift box. Inside the box you’ll find the Pearl wrapped, yet again, in black crêpe paper lying on a swath of black felt. It is tied in place with a satin ribbon. The presentation is dramatically chic; yet all of the packaging components are biodegradable. Very Nice; very smart!”
Kevin: “The Pearl also comes with a bullet vibe and three watch-sized batteries. You can use it apart from the Pearl, as a stand-alone clit vibe. Or you could attach it to the Pearl to make the whole dildo vibrate. We tried both methods. We attached the vibe to the Pearl using one of my silicone cockrings, although I suppose you could use a rubber band just as well!”
Gina: “Frankly, I found the bullet was a nuisance, both as a stand-alone vibe or attached to the dildo. There’s no need to gild this lily. I preferred to use the Pearl by its beautiful self. The gradually increasing (or decreasing) ridges provided me with all the sensations I needed. I say increasing or decreasing, because the Pearl is a double-header. You can use either end. And add to this the delightful feature that the Pearl can be chilled and warmed for added sensations; well I was in heaven. Oh, and you can use any sort of lube you’d like on this beauty.”
Kevin: “I’ve used the Pearl on myself too. So I have a bone to pick with the company’s mission statement. They write ’Made To Pleasure’s raison d’etre is simple – to bring the ultimate pleasure to women through toys that are beautiful to look at, and a pleasure to use.’ Really? Your toys are just for women? What are we, all the men out here, chopped liver? I mean, come on; why be so exclusive? Men have been using dildos for just as long as women have.”
Gina: “Yeah, why the exclucivity? I think it’s great that you are appealing primarily to women. Your site is lovely and sensual, but I agree with Kevin. In this day and age, do we really have to discriminate?”
Kevin: “After all the Pearl is made to be shared. Because it’s acrylic, it’s nonporous, phthalates-free, hypoallergenic and latex-free. There are no seams; it’s totally waterproof so it’s easily cleaned. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. You can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution as I see fit.”
Gina: “However, unlike glass, you can’t toss the Pearl in the dishwasher or boil it. So be aware of that. But with proper care, it will last a lifetime.”
Kevin: “Speaking of proper care, we’ve continued to use the gift box it came in for storing the Pearl. We just tie it back up into felt bed. However, at some point the Made To Pleasure people might consider including a drawstring storage bag instead of just the felt pad. That would make traveling with the Pearl a whole lot easier.”
Gina: “The Pearl is an exquisite addition to our toy chest. G-spot and P-spot (prostate) pleasuring abounds.”
Kevin: “Exactly! Like I said earlier, despite the heavy marketing toward women, I can assure you that this beautiful pleasure product would not be out of place in a guy’s toy collection. It’s stylish but manly.”
Gina: “I look forward to more extraordinary pleasure products from this innovative company.”

Nuru Gel Original from Nuru Slide

Nuru Gel Original from Nuru Slide—— $21.99

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “We’ve done dozens of reviews as members of the Dr Dick Review Crew, but today we have a first.”
Kevin: “We’ve never reviewed a massage product before, that is until today. We are delighted to bring you news of a fantastic product, Nuru Gel.”
Gina: “I proudly acknowledged that I am, what Kevin calls, a massage slut. There is nothing more satisfying than body-to-body contact. Of all the things I enjoy in life, and there are many, I crave massage and bodywork the most.”
Kevin: “It’s true! But she is leaving something out. Not only does she love to receive massage, but she also enjoys giving massage. And I, I’m happy to report, am the lucky recipient of most of her hands-on loving. She’s got the touch of an angel.”
Gina: “Isn’t he sweet? Don’t get me wrong, I love sex and I’ve also discovered, thanks to Kevin, that I can be a raunchy bitch when I want to be. But there is nothing more nurturing and loving than massage; both giving and receiving.”
Kevin: “That’s why when we were offered Nuru Gel to review I knew we were both in for a real treat!”
Gina: “The thing is, we didn’t exactly know how big a treat it was going to be. Let me explain. Unlike any other massage cream, lotion or oil I’ve used; Nuru Gel works best when we’re both wet. This is a totally new concept for me so we started our massage night in the bath together.”
Kevin: “This is the added bonus of a Nuru Gel massage. We got to lounge in the bath, play a bit with some of our waterproof toys to get the evening started.”
Gina: “Instruction on the Nuru Gel website suggest that the massage happen on an air mattress or vinyl sheets. This is so both people, or if there was a massage group, everyone would be slippy and sliddy. This is the nature of a Nuru massage. Look it up online if you don’t believe me. Actually, we wound up using a rubber sheet that we sometimes use for our kink play under a regular cotton sheet. We didn’t what to lay down directly on the rubber.”
Kevin: “You will be mixing the Nuru Gel with some warm water to reach the desired consistency. The whole event is gonna get a little messy, and I mean that in the best possible way. So have a few couple towels within easy reach. We also rolled up a towel placed across the top of our mattress where the one receiving the massage could lay his head.”
Gina: “Once we left the bath we dried off a bit and then Kevin laid face-down on our mattress. I poured the Nuru Gel/water solution, one handful at a time, over the back of his body. I then applied a couple of handfuls of the solution over the front of my body and laid down on top of him. Nuru Gel is so slick we had a ball rubbing all over each other. It’s both therapeutic and sensual all at the same time. I absolutely loved it. We wouldn’t be able to do this with any other product I know of, so the Nuru Gel was a real treat.“
Kevin: “We took turns being on top as well as face up and face down. This was so hot I had a raging boner right from the get go. It’s such a shame that people are so genitally focused; because I think a Nuru massage is even better than ordinary sex. You can find complete instructions on the Nuru Slide website.”
Gina: “I totally agree! Nuru Gel comes in an 8.5 oz bottle with a pump top. The gel contains Nori seaweed extract, chamomile and other revitalizing minerals. It is colorless, tasteless, odorless and extremely slippery without leaving a sticky residue. And it’s about as GREEN a product you can find. You simply have to try this stuff.”

Lussuria Rechargeable Vibrator by Vida

Hey sex fans!

This is a first for us, The Dr Dick Review Crew. We are compelled to post these follow up comments for the once lauded Lussuria Rechargeable Vibrator by Vida.

Kevin and Gina, the couple that gave the Lussuria such a glowing review and insisted that it be among our top products of 2010 contacted me in mid January to say that their unit was malfunctioning. (See their original review BELOW.)

Kevin and Gina went on to explain that, on three separate occasions, the Lussuria vibe turned itself on. They recounted the story of hearing this really weird sound; a sound unfamiliar to both of them. Their dog, Laddie, was also going nuts. Finally, they tracked down the sound only to discover the Lussuria had turned itself on inside their bedside drawer. It was making a very odd sound indeed; vibrating against the wood of the closed drawer.

Kevin and Gina had a laugh and thought nothing more of it. That is until it till it happened again and then again. The final time happened in the middle of the night and it scared the bejesus out of them both as well as their dog. They got so pissed off, this last time, that they wrapped the defective toy in a towel and hide it in the dark recesses of their garage. They basically just let the vibe depleted its charge.

The following week they brought the lifeless vibe to me and ask me if I could get them a replacement.

I immediately put out an SOS email to my contact at Topco Sales, the giant multinational corporation that owns the Vida brand. I waited a whole week for a response, but none came. The following week I called my contact at Topco Sales. I asked her if she got my email. She said she did. She said she was sorry to hear we were having problems and invited me to send back the toy for a replacement. I said, “fine!” She said she’d send me instructions on how to return the unit along with prepaid shipping. That never happened.

So, on top of having a very expensive, yet defective toy on our hands, {which we can only assume carries a fatal design flaw} we also get stiffed by the inattentive and dismissive Topco Sales people. That sucks, and not in a good way.

As a result, we’ve removed the Lussuria from our Best Products of 2010 list and added this warning to the original review. We advise our loyal followers to avoid the Lussuria like the plague. A truly monumental fall from grace!

The Dr Dick Review Crew and I can only conclude that this is what comes from a toy company that grow so huge that even a slew of bad press doesn’t effect them; a cautionary tale for all toy manufactures. And that, my friends, is a crying shame.

Lussuria Rechargeable Vibrator —— $109.58

Gina & Kevin
Gina: “We’ve hit the jackpot! Seriously, in our tenure with the Dr Dick Review Crew, Kevin and I have had the opportunity to review several high-end vibes. Many of which we’ve enjoyed very much. Today I can safely say we have here with us the queen of high-end vibes.”
Kevin: “Absolutely! This exceptional beauty is the Lussuria by Vida. Neither Gina or I had ever heard of this company before, but a quick look at their website showed us what we’ve been missing.”
Gina: “The gorgeous Lussuria is made of anodized aluminum and ultra-hygienic silicone. The color is black obsidian. Although, that’s redundant, because obsidian IS black.”
Kevin: “Maybe they’re trying to say that it is a black black, true black or blackety black black.”
Gina: “Yeah, maybe that! So besides the luxurious overall color, there is also a very stylish fuchsia piping that goes around the base. Most of the other high-end vibes we’ve reviewed were silicone over plastic. That’s nice enough, I suppose. That is until you feel the heft (over 7oz) of silicone over aluminum. Then you begin to appreciate what you’ve been missing all along.”
Kevin: “So true! The weight is in the controller end of the Lussuria. This provides a counterpoint to the insertable end of the Lussuria where the vibration is. So imagine the ribbed and flattened end of the vibe nestled against your G-spot or P-spot while having the weighted end keep the pressure on your pleasure spot. Fantastic!”
Gina: “Those of you who follow our reviews know that Kevin and I agree that most, it not all, G-spot vibes, because of their ergonomic design, are equally suited to pleasuring a guy’s prostate. The Lussuria excels at this, just as Kevin says.”
Kevin: “The slender neck on the vibe allows me to clamp down my sphincter on to it, making the Lussuria a superior butt plug. I can even do my kegel exercises with this weighted vibe in place.”
Gina: “Because the Lussuria is waterproof we can disinfect it after every use so that we both can share it. Remember, you can only use a water-based lube with a beautiful silicone toy like this.”
Kevin: “The Lussuria has five speeds and it’s extremely quiet even at high speed. The lighted one-button operation cycles through the speeds as well as turning it off, at any point, by holding down the button. And it’s fuckin’ rechargeable! They’ve thought of everything.”
Gina: “Now lets talk packaging. It’s as if the Vida people decided to throw caution to the wind with their packaging. The vibe itself comes nestled in a jet-black velvety foam cushion inside a black faux leather carrying case, with a handle. But wait, there’s more. Besides the swank carrying case there is black storage pouch that ties with a satin ribbon. This allows you to travel discreetly with your Lussuria. And all of this comes in a beautiful black (of course) tote bag. It is overkill, or just divine decadence? You decide.”
Kevin: “If you are in the market for a high-end vibe for yourself or a lucky person on your holiday shopping list the Lussuria is your very best bet!”
Gina: “With proper care, it will last a lifetime.”
Kevin: “Remember, despite the heavy marketing toward women, I can assure you that this beautiful vibe would not be out of place in a guy’s toy collection. It’s elegant but manly; and you won’t find a better, more powerful prostate massager anywhere.”
Gina: “And if you’re a girly girl, like me, the decadent Lussuria is without peer as a G-spot vibe. Why not splurge on yourself or someone you love. Your holiday glow will last throughout the new year.”