LELO’s Luna Beads

LUNA BEADS —— $47.00

Joy & Dixie
Joy:  “We’re glad to be back with everyone after having a couple months off.  We were on an extended holiday and we missed all our toys at home while we were away.”
Dixie:  “That’s not exactly true, we did take a couple of our favorite toys with us.  One new one that we well talk about at another time, and the other was our delightful LUNA BEADS.  They are very discreet and easy to pack. And they are both pleasurable and therapeutic.”
Joy:  “LUNA BEADS are LELO’s take on a very old idea, Ben Wa Balls.  You’ve heard of Luna_beads_mv2them, right?  They were invented hundreds of years ago, to enhance female sexual stimulation and to exercise a woman’s PC muscles (pubococcygeus muscle). In other words, you do your Kegel exercises with these puppies.
Dixie:  “Here’s a tip; the more Kegels you do, the more intense your orgasms are.”
Joy:  “You simply insert the LUNA BEADS, each of which has an inner ball that creates the most amazing vibration sensation.”
Dixie:  “The kit comes with two sets of silicone balls that pop in and out of a plastic girdle – one set is close to 30 grams and the other set is around 40 grams.”
Joy:  “You can mix and match the weighted balls to build up your PC muscles. And you can wear these for hours, if you’d like.  I know I like!”
Dixie:  “Being made of silicone they are easy to sterilize, which makes the LUNA BEADS shareable.  But for under $50 you may want your own set.”
Joy:  “Dixie and I both like to masturbate with the LUNA BEADS.  They deliver intense orgasms, because your muscles contract around the vibrating balls.”
Dixie:  “You can say that again.  And there’s never a need to change batteries or wait for a recharge.  You can see why we took the LUNA BEADS on our vacation.”
Joy:  “We completely endorse this product.  They are both fun and healthful.  We’ll never leave home without them.”
Dixie:  “Given all the very expensive toys out there, including several of the other LELO products, one can’t go wrong plunking down your hard-earned money for a set of these.”
Joy:  “Our friend, Karen, is about to give birth to her first child.  We’re going to give her LUNA BEADS at the baby shower.  No mother should be without!”


BOB ——  $49.00


Hey, isn’t BOB and acronym for Big Old Bottom?  That’s what Dr Dick keeps calling me!  So ok, I’m a straight guy with a thing for his prostate.  For years I couldn’t admit this to myself, let alone others.  But nowadays I’m an out and proud butt pirate.

And as a personal trainer, I often find myself talking to my male clients about prostate health.  Apparently, my straight clients find that information easier to take because I’m straight too.  And I’ve been telling them about my BOB, you can count on that.

Anyhow, I’m like totally down with BOB, this stylish gentleman’s butt plug.  If you’ve cat_bob_bordeaux_320_320-1never tried a plug, this is the ideal starter size.  It’s about 3” of insertable length and not much thicker than my thumb.  It is easy to insert, even for the novice.  And because its “plug” shaped it stays in place once inserted.  BTW, you’ll want to use a water-based lube with this 100% silicone toy.

BOB is so comfortable, as well as being very stimulating, so you can wear it for hours.  I do.  People often ask me why I smile so much and why am so easy going.  If they only knew I had BOB in my ass!  I absolutely love saying that.

BOB has this ring on its base; this keeps it from going in too far and makes pulling it out of your ass a breeze.  If you really want to treat yourself to a nice prostate massage, all ya do is use the ring to make thrusting and rocking motions.  I can actually cum by massaging my prostate like this.  I don’t even have to touch my dick.

LELO makes BOB affordable; it’s under $50.  But you still get all the special LELO touches, like beautiful packaging and even a little satin pouch for safe keeping, when it’s not up your bum.  Because it’s silicone its easy to clean with mild soap and warm water.  You can wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution too.  You can serialize it in boiling water for a minute or two, or pop it in the dishwasher.

Dudes, if you still think that ass play, even by yourself is like all gay and stuff, you are totally missing out.  Get a BOB and find out what I mean.  And you’ll be on your way to some fine pleasure as well as some serious prostate health.


ELLA —— $44.00

Kevin & Gina

Gina:  “We kicked off the LELO reviews with our review of GIGI.”
Kevin:  “So there’s some beautiful symmetry to us being part of the concluding reviews.”
Gina:  “And speaking of symmetry we have the pleasure of introducing you to ELLA, another stunning pleasure object from the undisputed leader in adult products, LELO!”Ella_white_mv1
Kevin:  “ELLA is not a vibrator.  It is, however, a beautifully sculpted insertable that is ideal for G-spot or P-spot stimulation.”
Gina:  “And you can use either end!  It’s like getting two toys in one.”
Kevin:  “It comes in the famous LELO high-end packaging.  It’s perfect for gift giving.  But for those of us who appreciate minimal packaging, it can sometimes feel like over kill.”
Gina:  “And because there is no vibration with this pleasure object, there’s no fussing with batteries or dubious recharge ports.  Besides, I like the fact that I can be the instrument of my own bliss.”
Kevin:  “It’s made of 100% seamless silicone.  It is soft and velvety and beautiful to the touch.  It’s approximately 7.25 inches long and 1.5 inches across at the widest point.  Like Gina mentioned, ELLA can be inserted using either end.  The curved tip is just like the GIGI.  I LOVE IT!
Gina:  “Because it is silicone, it cleans up is easy with mild soap and warm water.   You can wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with hydrogen peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution too.  If you’re going to share this toy, and I really think you should, you can serialize it in boiling water for a minute or two, or pop it in the top shelf of the dishwasher.”
Kevin:  “I totally agree that you ought to share this toy.  We all have a ‘spot’ of one sort or another — G or P, that is.  Just insert the curved tip about two inches into your pussy or asshole, as the case may be, with the curve pointed towards the front of your body and rock the handle up and down.  Oh baby, oh baby!”
Gina:  “Kevin does not exaggerate.  This is what I meant when I said I like being the instrument of my own bliss.”
Kevin:  “If you’re more of a dildo kinda person, the other, long tapered end of ELLA will put a smile on your face.”
Gina:  “Use it on yourself for solo play; use it on your partner for partnered play.”
Kevin:  “And it’s not just a pleasure object; it’s also a therapeutic object.  You can use this honey to do your Kegels with too.  And all of us, men and women need to do those.”
Gina:  “Of course, you can use only water-based lube with this beauty.  And when you’re finished diddling yourself and/or your partner clean it and store it in the satin pouch thoughtfully provided by the good people at LELO.”
Kevin:  “This is one of the more affordable LELO products.  Beautiful styling and superior quality for under fifty bucks.  You can’t beat that with a stick!”


G-TWIST ——  $64.00


I was so excited to be chosen to review this toy.  I’ve wanted to try a Fun Factory toy for ages.  I’ve seen their beautiful toys in the shops and online for years now.

First, I want to compliment Good Vibrations on the modest yet stylish packaging they 12AH85_01chose for G-TWIST.  It’s attractive without being overbearing.  I really don’t like excessive packaging; it all seems so wasteful.

I was delighted to find that G-TWIST comes with two AA batteries.  This is such a thoughtful addition to any battery-operated toy; I simply don’t understand why more manufacturers don’t do likewise. Good Vibrations also includes a small sample package of water-based lube with their toy.  This is, of course, the only kind of lube to use with a beautiful silicone toy like this.

Once out of the package, the G-TWIST is beautiful to the touch.  It’s soft, warm and very flexible.  It is made of medical grade silicone, which makes it hypoallergenic and easy to clean.  That’s because silicone is non-porous.  I really like that feature.  Too many toys nowadays are made with questionable materials that it makes one nervous about using them intimately.  There’s nothing like that to worry about with this vibrator.

The G-TWIST has a lovely ergonomic form.  However, it also has a realistic penis shape, particularly at the head.  When choosing a vibrator for myself, I inevitably avoid ones that have a penis shape.  You see I like incorporating a vibrator in the sex I have with my husband.  He is less likely to welcome a mechanical device if it looks too much like his own equipment, if you know what I mean.  And listen, I don’t blame him.  If the reverse were to happen; if he were to bring a masturbation toy that looked like a vagina to bed for our sex together, I wouldn’t like it very much either.  So I had to reserve my G-TWIST use for my private pleasuring.

But before I could do any pleasuring of any kind I had to insert the batteries.  This became an extremely frustrating chore.  For the life of me, I couldn’t open the battery compartment.  I read the instructions carefully, of course, but still couldn’t open it.  I finally took it to my husband.  At first he just laughed thinking it was a girl thing.  But after struggling with it himself, he lost his sense of humor right quick.  He finally got the compartment open, but not before exerting considerable pressure with his fingertips.  Whoever designed this certainly wasn’t thinking of how much strength the average woman might have in her hands and fingers.

Now that the batteries are finally in place I can easily adjust the vibration up or down using the flower-shaped dial on the base.  Pretty nifty!  The motor is exceptionally quite, which I really appreciate.

I like a little texture to my insertables, but the ridges on the G-TWIST were a bit extreme for me.  However, the girth (1.5” diameter) is just about perfect.  I particularly like the flared base.  The ridges there are perfect for clitoral stimulation.  The vibration isn’t particularly strong, but that’s not a big issue for me.

My major concern was with the clean up.  This toy is not, I repeat, NOT waterproof.  The box says that you can clean this toy under running water, but one must make sure to keep the battery compartment closed and dry.  It goes on to say, “To prevent possible leakage simply avoid submerging the toy in water for an extended period of time.”  I’m afraid that this smacks of trying to have it both ways.  You can call it splash proof or water resistant, but we all know that’s a far cry from actually being waterproof.  As it turns out, it’s a whole lot easier to get water inside the battery compartment than it is to open that compartment to switch out the batteries.  That I just don’t understand.

I successfully enjoyed my G-TWIST, by myself for two weeks.  I was scrupulous about cleaning my toy without submerging it in water.  After about 8 uses the G-TWIST simply stopped working.  At first I thought it was the batteries.  My husband helped me open the battery compartment so I could put in fresh batteries.  But that didn’t bring it back to life.

I have no idea what happened.  I would be hard-pressed to say it was something I did.  But there it is, dead as a doornail.  And I’m just sick about it.  Obviously, I can’t recommend the G-TWIST, which makes me feel even worse.  Because before it went dead, it was a very nice toy.

Synergy Erotic – Silicone Elite Wave

Silicone Elite Wave ——  $28.05

Jack:  “Next up is the Silicone Elite Wave.  This is a slim, stylishly designed — wavy — vibe that has 5 vibrating/pulsating functions.”
Karen:  “There’s a one-button control on the base of the vibe that turns the thing on and off as well as rotates through the pulsating functions.  I’m not a big fan of a one-button controller, but that’s just me.  The package claims the vibe is made of silicone, but one has to wonder what grade of silicone can be had for the price of this vibe?”9972-72
Jack:  “That’s true enough, but I’d rather have silicone of any grade than have something with a lot of Phthalate in it.  Wouldn’t you agree?”
Karen:  “I would agree.  And thank you for stating that.
I unscrewed the base of the vibe, installed 2 AAA batteries in the shaft (I had to use my own, because no batteries were included in the package). And switched it on.  It’s very quiet with surprisingly strong vibration for a little fella.”
Jack:  “Karen got to use it first on her own.  When we used it together, it was very effective.  Since it doesn’t have that traditional cock shape it will please more men when using it with their partner.  It’s also less obtrusive than a larger vibe.  And like Karen said, it has a nice punch to it, despite its size.”
Karen:  “My private play was wonderful.  The soft tip of the vibe was perfect for stimulating between my vaginal lips.  And it nuzzled my clit nicely too.”
Jack:  “I got to use the Silicone Elite Wave on my own too.  Since it’s waterproof, I took it in the shower with me.  I love squeezing one off in the shower, don’t you?  The vibe slipped up my ass so easily, just like when I finger myself when I’m yankin’ on my joint.  And I can tell you; even though this vibe isn’t much thicker than my finger, it does a much better job stimulating my prostate.”
Karen:  “Because we shared this toy, I’m grateful that it’s so easy to clean and disinfect.  Warm water and soap to clean, a 10% bleach solution to disinfect.”
Jack:  “I was all jazzed up about the Silicone Elite Wave, thinking I had found a mini treasure, when it was time to change out the batteries.  Apparently Karen and I ran the toy down in record time.  At any rate, I removed the base cap and discovered to my great disappointment that the batteries were stuck in the shaft.  Dislodging the batteries meant that the thin copper wires on either side of the cylinder came out with the batteries.  DISAPPOINTED!”
Karen:  “I’ll say!  We were both thinking, WTF?   As it turned out, our little vibe was a one shot wonder.  We never got it to work again after removing the first set of batteries.”


ELISE ——  $169

Jack & Karen
Karen:  “Finally we’ve got our hands on a LELO.  We were beginning to wonder who we had to fuck to get in on the LELO action around here.”
Jack:  “Like my daddy always said, ‘Ya gotta walk through a lot of manure before you find the pony.’”
Karen:  “The
ELISE is way better than a pony!
This black beauty (ours is black) is made from medical grade silicone.  It’s just short of 10” long with just about 5” insertable length. It’s got a sweet curve to it and its torpedo-shaped.  I like that shape because it looks just like Jack’s thingy.”
Jack:  “Thingy?  My THINGY?  She’s such a grownup.”
Karen:  “Sorry, that didn’t come out like I hoped.  Jack’s cock is torpedo-shaped and it curves, to the left.  Is that better, honey?”
Jack:  “Yes dear, that’s better.  It’s just that I never heard you use “thingy” before.
Ok, on with our review.  The
ELISE has 5 stimulation modes and 5 speeds.  It’s super quiet.  It’s also rechargeable; so there’s no stinkin’ batteries to buy.”
Karen:  “The Scandinavian designers of the
ELISE clearly had the woman user in mind when they developed this vibe.  When I use it by myself, for G-spot stimulation, the controls are right where they should be, in the handle were I see and can reach them.  There are also two, count them, two points of vibration — one in the tip, another in the shaft.”
Jack:  “The
ELISE comes with the elegant signature LELO high-end packaging.  It’s a gift just waiting to be given.”
Karen:  “But be sure to use only water-based lube with this silicone vibe.”
Jack:  “And be careful that you don’t get any lube (or water, when you’re cleaning up) in the recharging port.”
Karen:  “That’s the only drawback I see to this Pleasure Object.  Other than that, you can be completely uninhibited with the
ELISE.  Isn’t that true, Jack?  Why not tell the good people your little secret?”
Jack:  “Ok, ok, Stop The Presses!  I have an announcement.  I broke my ass cherry with the ELISE.  There I said it.
I wasn’t actually gonna say that here, because I’m still a little, how shall I put this, sensitive about the whole anal insertion thing.  But WTF, right?

I mean I had a ball with this bugger.  I’m like totally sold on the prostate massage concept now.  But still, years of equating butt-play with gay will take awhile to dissolve.”
Karen:  “I am so proud of you for coming out like this, you little butt pirate, you!”
Jack:  “Hey now, that’s our little secret.”
Karen:  “Yeah, us and all of our readers.”
Jack :  “Like I suggested a bit ago, cleanup is easy with just some soap and water; just mind the recharger port.  If you’re gonna share this toy, like we did, be sure to thoroughly wipe it down with a lint-free towel wet with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution.  Remember, you won’t be able to boil it or pop it in the dishwasher to sterilize.”
Karen :  “Yes, we ought to emphasize that The
ELISE isn’t waterproof.  Splash proof, yes; waterproof, no.”
Jack :  “We’re totally sold on the
ELISE.  Give it a try; you will be too.”