Fleshlight, FleshJack

FleshJack Ice—— $69.95

So sex fans, I suppose ya’ll all know that the Fleshlight has been around for several years now, right? Good, I figured you would’ve noticed. I mean a person can hardly visit a sex related site these days without seeing one of their fetching ads. I realize that I’m a Johnny-cum-lately with my review, but like my momma always used to say — “all good things come to those who wait”.

Like you, I’ve seen the Fleshlight around for years.  And because of that I convinced myself I knewproduct_aajack_440.jpg everything there was to know about the device. After all, I visited their websites loads of times. I watched their beautifully produced and very sexy mini-movies (more times than I care to say). And I even interviewed a bunch of satisfied customers. I confess, even though I never actually held a Fleshlight in my hand, I imagined I knew everything there was to know about a Fleshlight. I mean hey, it’s not like I never used a masturbator before. How different could this one be?

Well, so much for baseless assumptions.

Imagine my surprise when my very own personal FleshJack Ice showed up on my doorstep. I discovered that just about everything I thought I knew about this marvel didn’t even come close to the real thing. Until I had one of my own to fondle and probe…if ya catch my drift, I was clueless. It’s true what they say; this is the granddaddy of male stimulators. But you really shouldn’t take my word for it.

My initial piece of advice to everyone in my audience is; don’t be a smug jerk like me. That’s right! If you’ve never had your grubby paws on, or your hot little boner in, an actual Fleshlight, you pretty much don’t know nuthin’ about a Fleshlight. Period!

icejack_tommyd.jpgThe first thing that struck me about the Fleshlight is it’s way bigger and heavier than I imagined. I figured it would be the size of a regular flashlight. I was wrong. The plastic shell is a serious 10” in length. And by it’s self it’s fairly light. It’s the totally amazing Superskin™ insert that racks up the weigh. My Fleshlight weighs in at a hefty 1 pound, eight and a half ounces. And that, sex fans, is a handful, or two, for damn sure. More about this in a minute.

The Superskin™ insert is totally amazing. It begs to be touched and caressed. It is unlike any other texture I’ve experienced in a sex toy. And like I said, I’ve had an opportunity to test drive a bunch of masturbators and stimulation sleeves in my time. The Superskin™ is kinda like a jelly, but it’s so much more substantial. I know this is gonna sound trite, but it does feel flesh-like. And if you add some hot water to your Fleshlight, as I did, before you sink in your chub, well it’s pretty much the most amazing feeling you can have from something that simulates a human orifice.

And ya wanna talk marketing genius? All Fleshlight customers are invited to customize their unit before they buy. And that is where the fun begins. Since most guys are pretty particular about where they stick their joystick, Fleshlight has cleverly come up with several “orifice” options: pussy, mouth, asshole or “neutral” (apparently for those who can’t commit). The plastic case comes in silver, black or clear. There are optional insert colors too: pink, mocha or ice. And get this, you can even choose from among six different internal contours for the insert itself: Original, Super Tight, Ultra Tight, Speed Bump, Super Ribbed and Wonder Wave. If, with all these options, you can’t design the perfect Fleshlight for you, you’re just too damned fussy.

I want to draw your attention to one last feature before we take this puppy on a test drive. The plastic case, the thing that looks like a flashlight, has removable caps at both ends. The top cap covers the bulbous head of the insert and helps keeps it clean when it’s not in use. The end cap can be removed for easy cleaning. (The jizz-fanatics among us will appreciate this, because when a wank session is over, you can simply dribble out your spunk for some delicious DNA play.)

Like I suggested above you can also add hot water through the end cap for a warm, squishy jack. If you do add water, don’t over-fill the blasted thing. No more than three-quarter full is my suggestion. And this is best done in the shower or bath. Because, depending on the vigor of your stroke, things will get might wet, which just so happens to add to the fun. Just so you know, this was my favorite way to Fleshlight!

When the end cap is sealed tightly, it’s a lot more difficult to plug in your pud…even with loads of lube and a major stiffy. I found that if I loosened the cap, just until I got situated, as it were; I could then tighten the cap to make for a swell little vacuum sensation. Very nice! I wonder if that was intended in the design, or simply is a happy accident?

By the way, you should only use a water-based lube with your Fleshlight. And clean up is a snap. A little soap and water will do the trick. Here’s a tip: once the insert is dry, dust it, inside and out, with a little cornstarch based body powder. This will help keep things as fresh as the day you got it.

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I always like to take my time with a new toy. Ya know, to get a sense of how the thing works and feels. This was particularly the way to go with the Fleshlight. Masturbating with one of these puppies has several advantages to your basic hand job. First, there is a delightful silkiness, and a tight consistent pressure on your cock throughout each stroke. In this regard — and despite the claims made by the Fleshlight marketing department — pluggin’ a Fleshlight is very different than pluggin’ any human orifice I know. But that’s not a bad thing, mind you. Consider the guy who is dealing with premature ejaculation, for example. I’m positive that if he used a Fleshlight to train himself to last longer, he’d have way more success than if he just used his hand. This is an ideal device to practice delaying one’s orgasm, which will make you a much better lover. And you can bank on that!

Remember I mentioned the heft of the Fleshlight? I want to get back to that now. Because the unit is heavier then other masturbators, one can actually fuck it, as well as have it fuck you. Here’s what I mean. If you’re lying on your back, and you’re using your hand (or hands) to pump the Fleshlight up and down your rod; it’s basically fuckin’ you, right? I discovered that if I tilted the Fleshlight a bit, up, down or to one side or another, I was able to stimulate different areas of my cock. Using a corkscrew motion was way wonderful too.

Now, if you stick the Fleshlight between your mattress and box spring, for example, then you can fuck it. I really got off on doing deep thrusts this way. And because of the ingenious bulbous head of the Superskin™ insert there’s no way I could injure myself on the hard plastic case with those deep hard manly thrusts. 😉

One final thing, ya’ll know I’m a real big advocate of partners masturbating together. There is just so much one can learn by watching a partner pleasure him/herself. The Fleshlight is the perfect male masturbator for this purpose. It’s playful and non-threatening, so it will be easier to get your partner to join in the fun and learn about your sexual response all at the same time.

ENJOY

Fetish Sex: An Erotic Guide for Couples

Name: Tessa
Gender: Female
Age: 33
Location: Sherman Oaks
My husband and I are taking our first tentative steps into the world of kink. Unfortunately, we really don’t know what we’re doing. Are there any good guides out there for the novice kinkster?

I have just the thing for you and the hubby! Check it out — Fetish Sex: An Erotic Guide for Couples.c404.jpg

This book is written for the fetishist, for their lovers and for anyone who wants to maximize a fetish or figure out if he/she has a fetish. It will help the budding fetishist “come out” about his/her kink, and find a community of like-minded folks.

This handy guide demystifies and breaks down the definition of a fetish, takes the time to explain why fetishes are alluring and what to do when one is curious about how to play with that fetish. The volume’s author, Violet Blue is the best…well besides dr dick, that is. She is frank, friendly and full of practical advice. There are even erotic short stories by Thomas Roche to tantalize and inspire.

Role-playing, Fetish Dressing, Cross Dressing, Human Animal Play and Medical Play are some of the topics covered in this informative and entertaining couple-centered guide.

Good luck

The Dual Motion, Handheld Sex Machine

Name: Monster
Gender: Male
Age: 44
Location: Albuquerque
I’ve tried so many sex toys over the years only to find that most of them are shit. Do you know of any toys that are not just ridiculous novelties? I want something for the industrial strength toy user.

You betcha! Here’s one you can kick-start…well almost. But you will need a powerc367.jpg tool — The Dual Motion, Handheld Sex Machine.

This fucking machine is the smallest, handiest, most versatile handheld device and it’s affordable. Your can connect this Sex Machine to any Fleshlight or Vac-U-Lock dildo for exciting hands-free multi-speed solo sex. The device is lightweight, quiet, safe and feels fantastic.

It thrusts and it rotates! Its unique dual action reciprocation and optional rotation moves up to 300 revolutions per minute and has a 3″ linear thrust. It is powered by a cordless electric screwdriver or drill. (Not included.) It is easily disassembled for cleaning, storage and installation of upgrades, and is dishwasher safe.

The quality construction sets itself apart from other fucking machines, and it comes with a one-year manufacturer’s warranty against breakage, wear and tear. How does that sound, Monster? If you wear it out, they’ll replace the parts and put you in their hall of fame!

Supplied in an easy-to-assemble kit form, it comes with full instructions. It takes about 15 minutes to assemble. The plastic parts are all polycarbonate (what bullet-proof windows are made of) and the metal parts are all stainless steel.

The Dragon Lady Mask

Name: Matti
Gender: Female
Age: 23
Location: CTc008.jpg
The BF and I are looking forward to Halloween. I know, I know, we’re not even back to school yet. But hey, can a gal ever be too prepared? Our sorority has an annual masquerade party and I plan on wearing this totally hot red satin bustier. But I need something else. Where do I look for something naughty, but nice…something no one else will have?

Girl, why don’t we just start our Christmas shopping now? Holy cow, you are gettin way ahead of me. But never fear, I took a look in the Stockroom and found just the thing — The Dragon Lady Mask.

The Dragon Lady Mask is a hand-molded, hand-painted leather mask that extends out into playful points and swirls, with distinct red, black and white painted markings.

Designed to shape the contours of the face, this mask has an unearthly, yet realistic expression and decorative personality.

Good Luck

Latex Chaps with Side Stripes

Once again, I have the pleasure of introducing all you perverts and pervettes to some very appealing playthings. Thanks to my inquisitive correspondents and my very own, Dr Dick’s Stockroom, I’m able to bring you yet another installment of my ever so popular, Sex Toy Awareness feature.r099.jpg

Name: Terrance
Gender: Male
Age: 36
Location: Baltimore
I’m in the mood for something new, distinctive and fun. I’ve done the whole leather thing. But now, since everyone is doing it, it’s so trite. The new wave seems to be rubber. What do you think?

You are so right, Terrance darling. Leather is so last year. Latex, on the other hand is so very au currant! I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that you are gay, Gay, GAY! Gayer even than Senator Craig in a public crapper. Who else but a real ‘mo would dare to set himself up as the arbiter of current fetish fashion? We’ll you’re in luck. Lookie here — Latex Chaps w/ Side Stripes.

These classic motorcycle-style chaps are made from the finest quality 40 gauge black rubber with 30 gauge latex colored trim. The snap front waistband and lace-up back allow for a custom fit.

Heavy-duty black zippers give the chaps strength to contain even a body builder’s thighs! (Mmmm, body builder thighs!) This body-flattering cut will lift, push out, and support the rear and show off your package. You do have a nice ass and big package, don’t you Terrance? For a hot night of playing in gear, these chaps always allow for easy access to your assets.

Choose stripes in Yellow, White or Red. The Classic Rubber Latex jockstrap is sold separately.

Rolling Head Cup Masturbator by Tenga

Hey sex Fans!

Dr Dick had the dubious pleasure of test-driving one of these babies earlier this week.  In short, this product is crap, of the first order.  Let me recount my torturous adventure to prove my point.

I have some basic standards by which I judge a sex toy.  First among them is; does the blasted thing do what it says it’s supposed to?  The Rolling Head Cup Masturbator ($22.99) arrived on my doorstep with absolutely no packaging, save the red plastic label that sealed the bottom of the unit.  I’m not a big fan of excessive packaging.  But hey, Tenga ought to have included some instructions on how to use this contraption.

Being the clever and resourceful guy I am, I decided to remove the label and look inside.  Still, I wasn’t sure what to do next.

  • Here’s a tip for all you sex toy designers out there.  When designing a toy to mimic or augment a sexual practice that us men folks have been doing just fine since time began with the two hands we were created with; you’d better come up with something that is equally intuitive or don’t fuckin’ bother.  OK?

Once I removed the red label I found a very soft perforated styrofoam base that was oozing something slippery.  To my great astonishment, the cup was already lubed up, as it were.  Rather than this being a thoughtful design ploy, I was put off by this.  I had no idea what kind of lube this was.  What if I was allergic to this type of lube, or it wasn’t my lube of choice?  Not a good idea, this!

I decided to look past the pre-lubed issue to figure out what I was supposed to do next.  Obviously, I was to insert my precious stiffy into this gooey mess, but how was I supposed to get past the styrofoam base?  There was, of course, a little hole, but there was also the styrofoam plug.  Was I supposed to remove the plug?  I did, but I don’t think I was supposed to.  I think I was supposed to push the plug into the unit with my dickhead.  Removing the plug, as I did, just added to the gooey mess.  This also destabilized the remaining soft styrofoam base, which began to sluff off from the rest of the insides.  This left no protection from the hard plastic edge of the unit.  Here I am 15 minutes into this ill-fated exercise and I have yet to even get my dick wet.  This was not going well.

  • A second tip for all you sex toy designers out there.  When designing a toy to put around a guy’s hardon, the one-size-fits-all concept is a real bad idea.  Or the product should be labeled accordingly.

Gummy mess aside, I was bound and determined to press forward.  And as it turned out, that’s precisely what I had to do.  I had to press and press and then press some more.  Anticipation turned to frustration, then aggravation.  If I hadn’t been wearing a cockring during this second-rate encounter, my willie would have surely gone to sleep from boredom.

Now my dick isn’t super sized or anything, but there was no way Mr Wonderful was just gonna fit inside this contraption.  Instead, I inserted my index finger to get a sense of the capacity of this puppy.  The textured jelly masturbation sleeve inside will only gonna accommodate a cock the girth of my finger, not much more.  DISAPPOINTED!

I never was able to find out if there was any benefit to the pleated band on the cup’s midriff that is supposed to allow the device to flex enough to move in circles, or bend side to side, or even up and down.  By the time I finally gave up, I had nothing to show for my efforts but a goopy mess.  The lube was now mixed with what I guessed was some kind of adhesive that was supposed to have held the soft perforated styrofoam base in place.  Which it did not do.

Finally, had this miserable thing actually worked, and I was able to stimulate myself to a jizz-filled happy ending, there would have been no way for me to clean this device for a second go.  So basically the unwary consumer would be paying thirty-plus bucks for a one-use wonder.

To sum up, what we have here is an over priced, ineffectual, ill-conceived, poorly designed rip off.