Jada
My husband is a porn aficionado. He’s been watching porn since he was a teenager. Frankly, I can’t see how he can stomach the mind-numbing sameness of it all. For the most part, every thing I’ve tried to watch with him has been a disappointment.

Don’t get me wrong; I love sex. I love stories about sex; I have a fantastic erotica library. I love depictions of sex; I thoroughly enjoy Dr Dick’s The Erotic Mind podcasts and their accompanying slideshows of the artwork of his guest. But, for the most part, I do not like porn. I want to like porn; it’s just that I rarely see anything I can like.

I’ll admit it; I need a bit of a story line to get into the sex. I want the characters to be believable and I want the women in the movies to be more than one dimensional sex dolls. I don’t know, is that too much to ask for?

When Dr Dick asked me if I would consider reviewing one of The Romance Series titles, I hesitated. I wanted to do it, because it would be something my husband and I could do together, but I didn’t want to waste my time or his. I finally agreed and I stopped my Dr Dick’s and picked up Almost Heaven.

I was pleasantly surprised to find the DVD housed in a very tasteful, yet erotic package. The DVD comes in a traditional plastic package, but this is sheathed in a cardboard carton that give is a much warmer presentation. The promotional imagery on the box is suggestive, but not overt. It’s obvious that this presentation is geared to a female audience.

When I got home I tantalizing waved the package in my husband’s face. I said, “Look what I scored.” His eyes rolled up in his head and dismissed my find with a wave of his hand. I was crestfallen. He didn’t mean to be mean; he just thinks porn for women means toning down the sex till it’s soft-core pabulum.

I asked him to put aside his prejudice and watch it with me. He said he would.

Our date night arrived, we got comfortable in bed and I slipped the Almost Heaven DVD in the player. I hoped for the best.

Almost immediately my husband commented on the production values. The audio track was clear and balanced, and he didn’t notice any background noise. Apparently this is a big bugaboo for pornophiles, like my husband. I was just happy that a bunch of fake boobs weren’t jumping out at me from the screen.

It was easy for me to slip into the storyline. A pretty young woman, Angie, is told that she died the night before and is able to take only one memory with her into the afterlife. She chooses to remember her husband, Jake. But what memory of Jake should she choose? Another couple, Sara and Michael, helps Angie make the right choice. It’s a sweet concept. In fact, it was like watching a mainstream movie, but getting to see all the sex, which would only implied in a Hollywood version.

There are four scenes in the movie. The music, lighting and camerawork are all topnotch. Each scene is a sexual vignette featuring a different couple, but all the scenes follow the story arc. And ya know what I liked most? Condoms were used throughout. Kudos to The Romance Series people for being considerate to their performers and respectful to their audience. Thank you!

I was totally impressed with how the sex was presented. Despite the romantic overlay, this is a full-on sex movie, mind you — oral, cowgirl, spooning, doggie, missionary, all very tastefully presented. The chemistry between the couples is palpable, there is lots of kissing and the sex is hot. I couldn’t have asked for more. And I caught my husband adjusting his boner under the covers more than once.

My husband said Almost Heaven is not a porn movie for women, whatever that is; but it’s a really great porn movie for couples. High praise coming from him.

If you’re looking for a bit of romance and plot with your sex, this title is bound to please. It was just the thing to get our motors running for the sex we had after the movie. It was the perfect date night!

The DVD also includes trailers for six other titles in The Romance Series. There’s a Photo Gallery, a Behind The Scenes featurette, a very fun Pick Your Pleasure feature as well as weblinks. The Behind the Scenes feature is outstanding. It contains insightful interviews with the stars of the movie. They talk frankly about romance and their lives in and out of the porn industry.

My husband and I highly recommend Almost Heaven. The movie is exceptionally well done. The technical aspects are great, the sex is natural and real and there are lots of extras. You can tell this was a labor of love for all concerned.

Enjoy

Jada

You’ve probably noticed that the Dr Dick Review Crew has had a number of wand type massagers to review lately. All of them have been a variation on the granddaddy of wand massagers, the Hitachi. All have that distinctive bulbous head on a sturdy shaft. This classic wand shape is turned on its head with today’s offering, the Crystal Chic Wand.

There is nothing bulbous or bulky about this dandy. In fact, it is on the other end of that spectrum. It’s slim and sleek. It has comfortable to hold handle, a bendable shaft made up of gradually smaller beads and it’s topped of by a glorified bullet vibe. It’s 11.5” long, but only 7″ of that is the bendable beaded section. By the way, it’s just the tip of the Crystal Chic Wand that vibrates.

The three-speed controller, basically just a single button, is in the base of the handle. The handle is also studded with six crystals (rhinestones?). It’s also waterproof. The entire thing has a lovely velvety feel to it and it is easy to grip even with lubed fingers. It operates on one AA battery (not included).

I was completely under whelmed at first sight. The Crystal Chic Wand comes in a cheesy plastic package that is decidedly un-GREEN. I was all prepared to not like this thing, but I gave it a go anyhow. Sure glad I did, because I liked it immediately. Once out of its ugly packaging I discovered that the Crystal Chic Wand is really fun and versatile. I admit; my first impressions were totally wrong.

You can use the Crystal Chic Wand either internally or externally. I have a preference for external; it’s just the thing on my clit. I did try it as a G-spot vibe and that worked too. What’s great about it internally is that it’s not bulky, so you can pinpoint the vibration precisely where you want it. I tried to talk my husband into trying it as a prostate massager. The vibrating tip is no wider than my index finger. But he declined; he’s not ready for even a little butt play yet. That was disappointing, because I know he’d enjoy it. So you see what I mean when I called the Crystal Chic Wand versatile.

I want to call your attention to the bendable feature, because this was my favorite part. You can shape it however you want and it will hold that shape. BRILLIANT! The battery compartment in the handle is easy to open and close. Just remember to tighten it securely to keep the Crystal Chic Wand waterproof. I used the vibe for over 6 hours on just one battery, which is pretty amazing. If I have one complaint it’s that it’s not very quiet, particularly on the medium and high speeds.

Because it’s waterproof, clean up is easy. Warm soapy water does the trick. I used a fingernail brush to clean between the beads. I also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution as I see fit.

A versatile toy like the Crystal Chic Wand, for under $40; what a bargain!

ENJOY

Jada
I’m a sucker for scented candles. I have them all over the house. I once took a class in aromatherapy and I learned a lot about how essential oils, and other aromatic compounds can alter a person’s mind, mood, cognitive function or health.

So when Dr Dick offered me the Flickering Touch Massage Candle to review I knew I was in for a treat. I am very fond of my LELO pleasure objects. I reviewed The SORAYA way back in January and was so impressed that I’ve picked up two others LELO vibes since. One I gave as a gift. I know, how generous!

The Flickering Touch Massage Candle did not disappoint. It lives up to the LELO name in every way. Lets start with the packaging. It came in a simply elegant black box, with mauve and black accents. And all the packaging is biodegradable. The candle itself comes in a gorgeous black glass container with a designer silver lid. It dresses up anywhere you put it.

I received the Vanilla & Crème De Cacao candle, but there are two other candles in the LELO line — Black Pepper & Pomegranate and Snow Pear & Cedarwood. (Please Mr LELO, send us others to review!)

The candle is made from natural soy wax, shea butter and apricot oil. And because it is a massage candle as well as aromatherapy, when you dab it on your skin, or your lover’s skin, the effect is outstanding. It absorbs nicely, like a fine body oil should. And it leaves your skin delectably smooth and lightly fragranced.

If you are into sensual massages and romantic play the Flickering Touch Massage Candle is just the thing for you. My husband and I went to the San Juan Islands for an amorous weekend get away for our anniversary last month. I made certain that the Flickering Touch Massage Candle would accompany us. My husband liked the scent too. He’s sometimes critical of my aromas, because he claims some are too sweet or feminine. But he liked the Vanilla & Crème De Cacao just fine.

Flickering Touch Massage Candle starts out solid, as you’d expect. But once lit, it rapidly begins to melt into a pool of oil. I suggest burning it for about a half hour before you plan to use it so you a nice pool of oil to use in your sensual massage. Unlike a wax-based candle, a soy-based candle burns at a lower temperature so the oil is never hot, just wonderfully warm.

Once you have the desired pool of oil, extinguish the candle. Never pour wax from a candle while it is lit! Simply tip the jar letting the oil drizzle either directly onto your partner’s body or into your palm before applying. Then have yourselves a ball. We did! Once you are finished playing, replace the lid to keep the candle clean and retain its aroma.

If elegance and sensuality are your thing, I highly recommend the Flickering Touch Massage Candle. You will not be disappointed.

Jada
I have a fantastic toy to tell you about. Allow me to introduce you to the Acuvibe Cordless. This is workhorse wand type vibe that will knock your socks off with pleasure. Simply put, for those of us gals who need a lot of direct stimulation to get off, only a wand type vibe will do. For years and years I relied on my trusty Hitachi Magic Wand. And despite having loads of opportunities to test drive many other new-fangled vibes, nothing even came close to the sure-fire performance of the Hitachi.

Of course, there was one huge drawback to the Magic Wand; it had to be plugged in to a wall socket. So I was basically tethered to an outlet for my pleasure. I guess I didn’t mind that all that much, because it never stopped me from pleasuring myself when I felt the urge.

But now, I am tether-free, and oh what a difference it makes. I get the same powerful vibrations I used to enjoy with my trusty old Hitachi, only now I can pleasure myself when and where I like. That’s because the Acuvibe is cordless. No more fumbling around adjusting a power cord or finding I was at the end of my tether, just as my big O was cumin ‘round the corner.

And get this, the Acuvibe can run on DC power, while plugged in, or, when charged, it can go cordless. Basically, you get the best of both worlds. You’ll never, ever need batteries!

This Acuvibe is about as stylish and sleek as a wand-type vibe can get. It’s jet-black, or ebony, if you will. It has a slip-resistant coating on the handle shaft and up near the power button. This is an exceptionally resourceful design element. Because when I’m holding on to my Acuvibe, and it is a bulky handful; I don’t want it to slip out of my hands while it’s working its magic. This is especially true if my fingers are wet with lube or my own wetness.

And the Acuvibe is versatile. It is brilliant on a stiff neck or sore back. It works wonders on my feet too. My husband asked me to tell you that men will also enjoy the Acuvibe.

The Acuvibe can run for 45 minutes on a single charge. And while it is charging there’s a blue light in the base that lights up. There’s just the single power switch that turns the unit on and also changes from a high-level speed of 5700 vibrations per a minute, to a low-level speed of 4300 vibrations per a minute.

Clean up is relatively easy. Just be very careful not to get water (or lube) in the recharge port. That being said, you can wipe it down with a lint-free towel and mild soap and warm water. Or try a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution.

I hope I can find attachments for my Acuvibe. The attachment that I’ve been using with my trusty Hitachi doesn’t fit on the Acuvibe, because the Acuvibe has a smaller head then the Hitachi. If anyone knows where I could find such an animal, please let me know. Leave me a message in the comments section. I’ll be forever in your debt.

I am totally sold on the Acuvibe and I know that you will be too. This is now my go-to vibe when I want the power and freedom to drive myself to distraction with pleasure. I can count on it. I am never disappointed. And it is always ready to bring me joy.

Jada
“I don’t know,” I said to myself, “I really, really like chocolate.” That was my first impression when I picked up this attractive, but modestly packaged designer vibe over at Dr Dick’s.

Since the packaging is the first thing one sees of the Better Than Chocolate, let’s start with that. A decorative white paper sleeve covers a heavy white on white textured cardboard box. The box is accented with the distinctive red NT logo. Open the box with and discover the vibrator resting on white velvety material inside. You’ll also find an instruction manual and a velvety drawstring storage bag under the vibe. The entire presentation is very smart indeed.

But I’m still wary. There have been more than a few times when attractive packaging snookered me into assuming more than I should have about the product inside. Remember, it’s never a good idea to judge a book by its cover.

The Better Than Chocolate is fundamentally a clitoral vibrator. It is distinctive in both shape and function. There are three vibration patterns and adjustable speeds. This is pretty standard fare for a vibe these days, so what sets the Better Than Chocolate apart in this regard? Well, you can lock in your favorite setting, which makes these controls special.

I really liked the beautiful winged shape of the Better Than Chocolate. It looks both futuristic and naturally contoured. It fits perfectly in my hand and against my vulva. I’m less inclined to use intense direct clitoral vibration; I’m too sensitive for that. So the more diffuse vibrations offered by this product suits me just fine. If, however, you need more pinpoint precision with your clit stimulation, you may find the Better Than Chocolate a bit frustrating.

The Better Than Chocolate is made of TPE (thermoplastic elastomer) and polycarbonate. The instruction manual says that the material is skin-friendly. And I find no reason to disagree. It is nonporous, phthalates-free, hypoallergenic and latex-free. What’s remarkable about the TPE skin is that it feels so much like high-quality silicone. It is deliciously velvety to the touch. The interior is solid; it has no give or flex.

The Better Than Chocolate is smooth; there are no bumps or ridges. But then again, this toy is designed for placing on; not rubbing against. So there’s no actual need for texture, as far as I’m concerned. It’s the curves of the toy will bring you joy.

The vibration is powerful, albeit diffuse. I liken it to a throbbing. It’s amazingly quiet. And it is waterproof. Not some silly splashproof nonsense, but really waterproof. It runs on two AAA-batteries. They are not included in the package. There is an on/off button located near the battery cap.

The Better Than Chocolate is about the size of the palm of my hand, so it rests comfortably inside it. The controls are located at the top for easy finger manipulation. It is wider in the middle and tapers on each end. One end holds the battery compartment; the other is a rounded pleasure point. The pleasure point nuzzles against your clit or your nipples (Oh, be sure to try this on your nipples!) once you’ve placed the Better Than Chocolate, you can add the desired pressure using your hand.

The unique controller is touch-sensitive; I mean it is simply amazing. Glide your finger over it to increase or decrease the vibrations. If you press one end of the controller and hold it for two seconds it will switch from continuous vibration and rotate through the different patterns. Each pulsation pattern can be adjusted in strength by gliding your finger over the touch pad. Once you find the pattern and speed you desire; lock it in. Press the other end of the controller for two seconds and it will lock that level and pattern until you hold it for two seconds to unlock.

The lock function also goes into effect automatically if you submerge the Better Than Chocolate. It will keep operating but you cannot change the vibration until you remove it from the water and dry it off. Of course, you can always just turn it off to stop vibrations.

The Better Than Chocolate skin, being made of TPE, allows me to use either a silicone-based or a water-based lube. When given an option like this, I always choose silicone-based. Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. I also wipe mine down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution as I see fit.

I cherish my new Better Than Chocolate vibe. And I recommend it wholeheartedly. I particularly love using it during foreplay with my husband. We can even use it during sex. And since it’s not penis shaped my husband is not put off by it being with us during our play together.

But is it really better than chocolate? That’s a difficult call. Like I said at the outset; I really, really like chocolate. Luckily, I’ll never have to choose between the two.

As luck would have it, I am the first of the Dr Dick Review Crew to handle one of the new waterproof line of vibes from LELO called Insignia. As I read through some of the earlier LELO reviews written by my colleagues I notice one recurring regret; the vibes they were reviewing were not waterproof. Each reviewer painstakingly pointed out that the earlier incarnations of LELO products, while being remarkable in many ways, were hampered by a recharge port that made the unit difficult to thoroughly clean because it wasn’t submersible. Getting water, or worse lube, in the port rendered the expensive vibe inoperable.

To LELO’s great credit they’ve solved that problem with the Insignia line.

But let me start at the beginning. The SORAYA comes in the signature LELO packaging. It’s elegant and sophisticated, although I know some have problem with the excess. However, I don’t share those reservations. Everything from the glossy black outer carton to the matte black storage box is chic. The pink and golden dual action SORAYA is nestled in felt covered foam inlay. As far as I can tell the entire package is recyclable. But of course you wouldn’t want to toss the box, because it stores the SORAYA so perfectly.

If one were to judge the size of the SORAYA by the size of the box, which is over a foot long, one would have a very large vibe indeed. But looks are deceiving. The SORAYA itself is only about 8.5” from stem to stern. The insertable girth is pretty modest too, just over one inch at its widest. The clitoral stimulator stem is about 2.5” long.

While I guess I’d categorize the SORAYA as a rabbit vibe; in terms of design, it is miles above its unattractive cousins. Again, elegant and chic are the words that most readily pop to mind.

The SORAYA is remarkably light weight. Here another instance where looks are deceiving. I had convinced myself that the golden center of the vibe was metal, but it’s not. It is a metallic-coated ABS (plastic). And the velvety pink outer surface is 100% high-grade silicone.

The stylish hole in the base of the SORAYA is another very thoughtful design element. I can insert my forefinger in the hole and easily manipulate the three-button controller with my thumb. I’m going to guess that women were behind this design.

The shaft of the SORAYA has a slight angle to it, so I am able to tilt it for some pleasurable G-spot stimulation. Again, this is where the hole in the handle comes in very handy. I’m able to rock and press down on the handle for as much G-spot stimulation as I would like.

I am totally impressed with the level of vibration too. I like to start things out real slow and gradually work my way up to more intense sensation. This is so easy to do with the SORAYA. And it’s versatile too. It comes with 8 vibration modes and each offers a full range of speed from low to high.

I’ve already mentioned that this is a dual motor vibe, so there’s not sacrificing internal stimulation for the sake of clitoral stimulation, or the other way around, for that matter. The clit stimulator is lusciously flexible, which make for a much more comfortable ride.

Like all the other LELO vibes, the SORAYA is rechargeable. It fully charges in just about 2 hours.

The SORAYA is easily fully cleaned and sanitized,  because the hard plastic core and the silicone are nonporous. And, as I’ve already mentioned, the SORAYA is waterproof and submersible. This makes the SORAYA a sharable toy. In fact, my husband uses the SORAYA too. He doesn’t insert the shaft, but nuzzles it against his perineum while the “clit” stimulator works its magic on his scrotum. He loves it!

The SORAYA also comes with an instructions booklet, charging cord, satin storage pouch and a darling Insignia brooch. How thoughtful!

I am thoroughly pleased with the SORAYA. I am delighted to give it my highest recommendation. If you are in the market for a high-end vibe for yourself or a loved one,  you MUST consider this is one.

ENJOY!

Jada
I’ve never seen any of the Digital Playground Pirates movies, so the packaging for Janine’s Pirates Cove Rocket was pretty much lost on me. Don’t get me wrong; it’s stylish and the model on the cover, Janine, in her pirate rig is very sexy and not in an off-putting way either.

The Pirates Cove Rocket is also attractive. It’s molded from what appears to be hard plastic, but it has a cream-colored coating on it that makes it pleasantly soft to the touch. I couldn’t find any information on the materials used in this product either on the package or the Digital Playground website. However, the package does say that it is phthalate free.

In keeping with the theme, the Pirates Cove Rocket is decorated with an abundance of what looks like those temporary tattoos you sometimes see in the stores. Of course, the images include a traditional scull and crossbones, an anchor and crossed pirate sabers, but there’s also hearts, a fish, flowers and stars. It’s a very busy design that will, no doubt, appeal to some. The base of the vibe is encrusted with rhinestones to further the pirate treasure theme, I guess.

The Pirates Cove Rocket is powered by two C-batteries, which are not included in the package. This adds a nice heft to the vibe and also makes for a more powerful vibration that lasts for a longer time than what smaller sized batteries could offer. The Pirates Cove Rocket also has three speeds and two variable vibrations. I confess to being impressed with the level of vibration, but the one button operation, at the base of the vibe, leaves a great deal to be desired. They’ve thoughtfully included a black satin storage/travel pouch too. It’s the kind of special touch you’d find with a more expensive vibrator, so I thought it was interesting that the manufacturer decided to go the distance with this product.

I used water-based lube when I played with the Pirates Cove Rocket. And while I generally like at least some texture to my insertables, the silky smooth surface of this vibe was very nice indeed. I was disappointed to discover that it’s not waterproof, because I would have liked to use it in the bath.

And because it is not waterproof, you can’t submerge it in warm soapy water for a thorough cleaning and there’s no sterilizing it either. Here’s the problem; it’s easy to get lube and bodily fluids on the rhinestone-encrusted base, but it’s not all that easy to clean that area. I found that wiping it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution worked best.

The Pirates Cove Rocket is best described as a novelty product. It would be an appropriate gift for someone new to the vibrator market. However, this product would, I think, disappoint a person who has experience with a quality vibrator.

Jada
My husband and I were babysitting our 5-year-old niece for a few days a couple weeks ago. She’s at that stage when mimicking adult behavior is so much fun. She loves dress up and playing house, but her favorite thing is having a tea party. She took great pains to put on an elaborate party for me when we stayed with her. Everything had to be just right and it was all in miniature; it was so cute. Her joy was truly contagious.

These few days with my niece rekindled in me a sense of playfulness that carried over to a weekend get away with my man. I decided to save the Night of Romance Kit that I received to review for this special weekend. It’s actually a miniature plastic handbag that contains a Vibrating Couples Ring, a 5oz container of Please Pleasure Cream and a 5oz container of Touch Me Massage Oil.

Funny how a little, and I do mean teeny-tiny, something special like this can make a romantic evening very, very special. The adorable little tote slipped inconspicuously in my overnight case. I didn’t have to fuss with larger containers of lotion or massage oil to prep for the weekend. The miniature containers actually added to the sense of playfulness my husband and I felt as we lounged near the fireplace in our room.

Thinking of a sweet little stocking stuffer for someone special; even if the someone special is yourself? The Night of Romance Kit fits that bill perfectly.

Jada
How very delightful! That was the first thought that came to mind when I was handed the Body Spa Vibrating Foam Sponge. But, as sometimes happens, the concept doesn’t always live up to the expectation. So I decided to take a “wait and see” attitude before I got too emotionally involved with this product.

The sweet minimalist packaging is truly refreshing. It hits all the right notes. The Body Spa Vibrating Foam Sponge package is clean, tasteful and wouldn’t be out of place in even a high-end spa boutique. Inside the package is a teardrop shaped natural sponge about the size of my hand. It is featherweight, just as you would expect from a natural sponge. And hidden inside is a small but powerful bullet vibe.

I could feel the vibe when I scrunched the sponge and with a little fiddling I found the “on” button. I was running a bath for myself at the time and I caught myself in the mirror smiling a Cheshire Cat grin. Oh yes, I thought, this will do nicely.

The promotional blurb for the Body Spa Vibrating Foam Sponge reads in part: “You never knew getting clean could be so dirty! Leave it in your shower; this discreet sponge completely hides the vibrator inside. No need to “de-toy” before guests show up!” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Once I was comfortably settled in my steamy and foamy bath I reached for the Body Spa Vibrating Foam Sponge. The vibrations in this thing are surprisingly strong and exceptionally quiet. As I rubbed myself with the soapy sponge the vibration made me tingle. I have other waterproof vibes that I use in my bath from time to time, but none of the others help me clean and exfoliate my skin while they pleasure me. I think I’m in heaven.

It’s such a simple straightforward concept; why didn’t someone think of this before now? The Body Spa Vibrating Foam Sponge would be a wonderful toy for a couple to use in shower or bath together. Imagine the fun they’d have soaping each other up, and rubbing each other down.

And, of course, the Body Spa Vibrating Foam Sponge is a sex toy that can hide in plain site. I love that! No one would ever guess that this unassuming utility object is also an awe-inspiring pleasure object too.

Great work, Empire Labs. The Body Spa Vibrating Foam Sponge gets my highest recommendation.

Jada
About 10 years ago, when I was still a sweet impressionable young thing, I briefly dated (2 times) this guy who drove this totally pimped out Hummer. I mean this thing was obscenely gauche. Besides being a outrageous monument to conspicuous consumption, it was also extremely loud and ridiculously uncomfortable. It was like riding in a tank. And I practically needed a stepladder to enter and exit the behemoth. I felt like I was getting in and out of a cartoon car.

But the guy couldn’t have been more proud of his ride. He insisted that it was the consummate babe magnet. (I don’t know either; I just chalked it up to being a guy thing.) Little did he know that when he pulled up to a club all the women would giggle and snicker. I guess none of his women “friends” thought to tell him about our inside joke — BCLD — Big Car; Little Dick!

I realize that this is a somewhat long-winded intro to a toy review, but my little reminiscence was the first thing to come to mind when I was handed the BODY HEAT Self Warming Vibe to review.

Let’s start with the presentation. One would never know from just looking at the package that the BODY HEAT was so damned expensive. It comes in a nondescript carton that covers an equally nondescript plastic clamshell. All the other high-end toys I know of come in swank gift boxes, but not the BODY HEAT. It’s packaging looks like it belongs to a toy a fraction of its cost.

Ok, so we ought not judge a book by it’s cover right? I take BODY HEAT home and take it out of the package to see what’s what. Here’s what i found — a 7” shaft sits atop a 3.5” hard plastic base. The heart of the shaft is made up of pleasure “beads” that rotate. There are three rotation programs and each can be adjusted to eight speeds. The shaft is sheathed in a 100% silicone sleeve that is lavender in color. The sleeve also has a series of very stimulating ridges and is topped off with a flattened arrowhead shaped tip; perfect for G-spot stimulation. The sheath of silicone also covers embedded heating coils and a digital stabilizer that is supposed to keep the vibrator temperature at 100 or 120 degrees F. Supposedly, the warmer temperatures make the shaft easier to insert. But that would only be true of the tip of the vibe warmed up, which it doesn’t. However, the lower 1/3 of the vibe shaft does stay warm throughout use.

The base of BODY HEAT houses the control panel and a LCD display that shows the temp, the rotation program and speed. A rechargeable lithium battery fits inside the base. But wait! Some assembly is required. Get this, you need a teeny tiny phillips-head screwdriver, the kind a jeweler would use, to install the battery. Do you have one of those lying around your house? I don’t! I thought to myself; swell, now what am I supposed to do? After calling everyone I knew to see if they had one, I finally got hold of my sweet lesbian sister-in-law. Sure enough, she had just the thing. Wouldn’t you just know it? Dykes are such lifesavers. The BODY HEAT also comes with a recharger.

If all this weren’t enough, the BODY HEAT also comes with a removable vibrating clit stimulator (with batteries) in the shape of a rabbit that is supposed to be able to double as a cock ring. This is a brilliant idea, but there’s a rub. If you use it as a cockring your partner’s unit has to be at least the same girth as the BODY HEAT vibe. My partner is…how shall I say this…not so blessed. He did try to stretch it around his penis and ball sack like he wears a regular cockring, but there wasn’t enough give in the silicone. This made it way too tight to wear. So we never were able to try out that function. Back to the drawing board on that feature!

The tricked out BODY HEAT weighs in at a very hefty 15+oz. That’s a handful and then some.

Are you getting the picture why I began with story about that pimped out Hummer? I though you would. Sometimes too much is just that; too much.

Before I continue my review I just want to say that, if I had to guess, the BODY HEAT was designed and developed by a man, or more likely, a committee of men. They may have been well intentioned men, but I’d be willing to wager that there was no female input on this at all. Only a guy would dream up something like this. The reason I say this is that I have a bunch of women friends and we all have a ton of sex toys and not one of us has ever thought to ourselves; gee, I need to get me a vibe that does everything but make supper. Or gee, my vibe is cold; I need to get one with a heater. The reason I know this is because I asked all my friends this very question after I started toying around with the BODY HEAT. And while I admit that my sampling is not of the scientific variety, I’m still willing to wager that this is accurate.

To be fair, BODY HEAT does everything it says it will and it does it very well. Like I mentioned above I love the ribbed silicone shaft. But I think I have to quibble with calling the BODY HEAT a vibrator. It doesn’t really vibrate; there’s a rotating motion in the upper 1/3 of the shaft. And like I already mentioned, the heating element only warms the lower 1/3 of the shaft. The flattened arrowhead shaped head of the BODY HEAT neither vibrates or warms. I found that a bit curious, but there you have it.

The detachable rabbit vibe is indeed an actual vibe. And I really like that I can position it anywhere on the shaft. This works for me because the last thing I want to have happen is to have the bunny ears hit me in the clit when I’m thrusting to stimulate my G-spot. That is not pleasurable; it hurts.

The heating element was nice, I guess. But the silicone sheathe is so buttery soft that it would have conformed to my body temperature anyway, as all good silicone does.

I would gladly exchange the heating function in the BODY HEAT for it to be waterproof. For those of us gals who ejaculate when we stimulate our G-spot, a waterproof insertable or vibe is much preferred. Not only is this vibe is not waterproof; it doesn’t even have a cover for the recharge port. That just invites the early demise of this very expensive toy. If you get the port wet, or worse lube gets inside of it, you’ll be SOL (shit out of luck). Come on guys, you should know that good sex is messy sex, right? It’s like you designed this totally tricked out Hummer of a vibe but forgot the windshield.

I give the BODY HEAT extra points for it being rechargeable. And the lithium battery does hold a charge even under the demanding conditions of heating and rotating the shaft.

I wanted to be more upbeat in my appraisal of this fantastically pricey item, but I just couldn’t see my way to doing that and still be honest. Sorry Pipedream Products.