Category Archives: Hank

Bang! Bang! by ZINI

ZINI Bang! Bang! —— $149.99

Glenn & Hank
Hank: “Here’s how it happened. Dr Dick called us and said he had a new product for us to review. I thought, ok, cool. We hadn’t posted a review since January. I asked what kind of product was it. He said it was a mechanical masturbator. I let out an audible groan.”bang bang 01
Glenn: “When Hank told me about the new toy, I did more than grown. I said to Hank. ‘How many of these stupid things have The Crew reviewed? And how many of them could even begin to deliver on the promises made?’ Before Hank could answer, I said, ‘We’ve reviewed loads of them and they all sucked, and not in a good way!’”
Hank: “I didn’t know how I was gonna tell Glenn that I had already accepted Dr Dick’s offer and that I planned to swing by his place after work to pick up the ZINI Bang! Bang! ‘Really? That’s the name?’ I asked Dr Dick. Wait till Glenn gets a load of this, I said to myself despairingly.”
Glenn: “Once we had the package on the dining room table, I began to walk back my resistance to the whole idea. Even if it didn’t work it was hella cool looking. I like the packaging and if the marketing spiel and images on the packaging were only partially accurate, maybe I could really get into the Bang! Bang! (Stop, you’re killing me with that name!)”zini-dib-bang-bang
Hank: “I think the futuristic design is great too. You have to hand it to Zini, they’re comin’ up with some great stuff. The Bang! Bang! is capsule-shaped. It kinda looks like a kitchen appliance; think coffee grinder or citrus juicer. It is made of hard plastic and it stands on a suction cup stand. This is gonna come in handy in a minute, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself.”
Glenn: “Like Hank said, no one would ever be able to guess what the Bang! Bang! is just by looking at it. Now let’s see it go to work. First thing, ya gotta know is it’s rechargeable. Thank god, no freakin’ batteries to deal with. It takes a couple hours to fully charge and the control panel lights up during charge; changing color, red to blue, when fully charged. Next, you pop off the dome cap and under it you will find a squishy elastomer cushion with a hole in it. This is not unlike a Fleshlight or Fleshjack. Except this thing’s squishy cushion is nonporous and phthalate-free. This beats the shit out of the stuff Fleshlight uses, both in terms of health and cleanup. I’ll get back to clean up thing in a minute, so hold on to that thought.”zini-dib-bang-bang-1
Hank: “When I finally got my hands on the Bang! Bang! I stuck my finger in the hole and got the surprise of my life. Inside I could feel dozens of soft, tiny little fingers protruding from the sides of the cup underneath the squishy cushion on top. It feels like it’s made of that same elastomer material as the cushion top. And it’s easy enough to get a loser look at too. All ya gotta do is twist off the cushion top cap and look inside. I began to see where Zini was goin’ with this thing. You can further disassemble the fingered insert from the cup that holds it. ‘Alright then,’ I said. ‘This is the hot setup.’”
Glenn: “I almost didn’t want to turn the Bang! Bang! on for fear of being disappointed, but my curiosity got the best of me. We reassembled all the parts, which is real easy to do and turned it on. Neither one of us was willing to stick our dick in it quite yet, so we began by fingering it. I fuckin’ couldn’t get over the sensations. Get this, the Bang! Bang! has 50-motion modes! That is, the insert with the soft, tiny little fingers rotates with 10 different modes and there are 5 speeds. Once I was confident that sticking my pecker in the hole wasn’t gonna get it lopped off, I dropped my pants and pulled on my dick to get it hard. I tried to stick my willie in the hole in the squishy cushion, but it was no go. I needed to lube it up first. I used a water-based lube to start with, but after a few times I started using a silicone-base lube because that’s my favorite.”
Hank: “Once Glenn had his dick inside the Bang! Bang! he turned it on. The first words out of his mouth was ‘holy fuck!’ Glenn started to put the Bang! Bang! through its paces. There were so many woohs and ahhhs that I though he was gonna bust a nut in no time at all. Thing is, he started to pump his cock in and out of the Bang! Bang!, which is ill-advised and unnecessary. The depth of the fingered cup is no more than 4 inches, so, as Glenn found out ramming his dick into the thing would only bump his dick head against the back of the cup. And, as he said, ‘that doesn’t feel good.’”zini-dib-bang-bang-2
Glenn: “I forgot that the Bang! Bang! is a masturbator and not a stroker. But once I got the hang of it, I was in heaven. This is definitely the lazy man’s orgasm machine; you don’t have to do anything but insert your johnson and manipulate the control buttons. By the way, it has a great easy-off feature too. In what seemed record time I shot my wad, it was totally amazing. This thing isn’t particularly quiet, but it’s not coffee grinder loud either.”
Hank: “My turn with the Bang! Bang! wasn’t as great as Glenn’s, but that’s no fault with the toy itself. It is designed for small to average hung guys. I couldn’t get my dickhead into this thing even with a lot of lube. I’m just a little too girthy…ok, maybe a lot too girthy.”
Glenn: “I felt bad that Hank wasn’t able to feel what I felt because it was totally amazing. The bright side is, I now have the Bang! Bang! all to myself. Once I had free reign with the thing I discovered how versatile it is. Remember we mentioned the suction cup stand at the very beginning of our comments? Well, you can stick this to any smooth flat surface, adjust the angle as you please, and plug in your dick as you would a hole or mouth for hands-free pleasure. Just remember that the suction cup, strong as it is, will only work on a clean, smooth and flat surface. You DO NOT want this thing to suddenly detach from the wall, or wherever, and fall on you feet. It weighs nearly 3 lbs. It could break a toe and the fall would probably crack or destroy the hard plastic housing, and that would ruin the whole thing. I also experimented with adding a nice sized dollop of lube into the fingered insert before I started a session. I slathered the lube around a bit and replaced the cushion top. This way, when I slipped in my lubed up cock the rotating sensation delivered by the soft little fingers felt more like a blowjob than just a hand job. Fantastic!”
Hank: “Clean up is a snap. No matter how messy things get, lube, spunk, whatever, you don’t have to worry because you can disassemble the parts for easy cleaning. Some warm water and mild soap takes care of everything. The elastomer material is nonporous and so stretchy you can actually turn the cup with the little fingers in it inside out. And once thoroughly dry neither the finger insert or the squishy cushion top will be the least bit sticky or tacky. This is the thing we hate about a lot of other similar materials. We’re looking at you Fleshlight!”
Glenn: “I used the Bang! Bang! in the shower too and loved it, but I want to point out that it isn’t waterproof, just splash proof. This toy came with a very detailed owner’s manual in three languages. Unfortunately none of those languages was English. But I found all the info I needed on the Zizi site. One more word about the packaging; while handsome it’s not elaborate and it’s all biodegradable. Thanks for that, Zini.”
Hank: “Even though I wasn’t able to use the Bang! Bang!, it gets my highest rating. I saw what it did for Glenn and it also gets high marks for its stylish design.”
Glenn: “Besides working like a charm, the selling points for me were: it’s versatile, easy to use, easy to clean, and load of fun. I know I started out real skeptical about not just the Bang! Bang!, but that any manufacturer could actually deliver a mechanical masturbator that didn’t suck…I mean not in a bad way. I liked this thing so much that it will surely make my short list for The Best Product or Toy for Men when we do our year end round up at the end of the year.”
Hank: “Yep, I totally agree. And I would like to add, ‘Hey Zini, how about makin’ a model for us big boys. I hate being left out of all the action.’”

Hump Gear by Perfect Fit Brand

Perfect Fit Brand Hump Gear —— $59.00

Glenn & Hank
Hank: “Happy New Year everyone! It’s good to be back with the crew for yet another year of sex toy reviews.”
Glenn: “This marks the beginning of my 7th year with the Dr Dick Review Crew. I did my first review in October on 2007.”hump gear01
Hank: “And I joined Glenn in August 2008. We’ve had the pleasure of introducing you to many remarkable products, including The Best Product or Toy for Men back in 2012 — The Fat Boy Cock Sheath.”
Glenn: “I know it’s only January and there are probably lots of great products to come in the new year, but what we have here, Perfect Fit Brand’s Hump Gear, is sure to wind up on the short list for The Best Product or Toy for Men 2014.”
Hank: “Damn straight! Perfect Fit Brand is churning out the world’s most innovative toys for men. Each year they outdo themselves. And the adult product world is sitting up and taking notice. They are racking up awards all over the globe. Listen, if you’ve got a cock and balls and/or an asshole, and you don’t have at least a couple of their products, I can assure you that you are missing out on a ton of fun.”
Glenn: “Let’s get down to it. Hump Gear is a fuckable butt plug. See if you can rap your head around that. It is made of the Perfect Fit Brand’s proprietary material called SilaSkin. It’s a revolutionary blend of silicone and TPR (thermoplastic rubber). It is unbelievably stretchy and irresistibly soft and it is phthalate-free. Hump Gear come in both black and clear.”
Hank: “Let me go back to the fuckable butt plug thing, ok? Because this is exactly what makes Hump Gear so freakin’ amazing. Is everyone clear about what a butt plug is and what it does? If not, let me turn you on to a little tutorial titled: Butt Plug Crash Course. OK! Here’s how Hump Gear works. The top, that would be me, lubes up his dick and slips the Hump Gear on his cock. You can use any type of lube you want with this baby. hump gear02In this respect, Hump Gear is a lot like the Fat Boy Cock Sheath. But where the Fat Boy is tubular, Hump Gear has a flared lip near the extra-wide base. When Glenn is ready for the ass-ult I lube up his hole and slide my cock, covered in the Hump Gear, into his ass. My first thrust inserts the Hump Gear and his anal sphincter closes around the flared lip near the base. And there it stays.”
Glenn: “Like the Fat Boy Cock Sheath, Hump Gear is ribbed on the inside of the sleeve for the top’s (Hank’s) pleasure. And for me, the bottom, I get this filled up filling. Hump Gear stays in place, as Hank mentioned, so even though he pulls out the ‘plug’ stays put. Now, for all you bottoms out there who wish your top had a bit more girth, Hump Gear is for you. And for all you tops out there who wish your bottom had a tighter hole, Hump Gear is for you.”
Hank: “But there’s more; Hump Gear can be used solo too. It’ makes an ideal stroker, like its cousin the Fat Boy. And if you’re alone and you want to punish your hole Hump Gear is there for ya. Simply slip it over a dildo and put it where the sun don’t shine.”
Glenn: “I’m an insatiable bottom, so when I have an ‘itch’ I can wear Hump Gear for hours on end till Hank gets home and ‘scratches’ it. And by the way, the super soft and stretchy SilaSkin adds to my pleasure, but never chafes my hole like some of the bigger toys we use.”
Hank: “I love the feeling of Hump Gear as it slides over my cock. And I can do some heavy piston-pounding without ever worrying about wear and tear on Glenn’s ass lips because I’m fuckin’ the Hump Gear, not his hole. The squishy sound my dick makes inside the sheath adds to our piggy play.”PFB_Christopher_Diesel_013_large
Glenn: “If you’re like me, and you’re into a little DNA play, then you will love Hump Gear too because it’s like a giant condom. It catches Hank’s jizz in its tip and I can slather it all over myself after he shoots his wad.”
Hank: “Clean up is always a snap. No matter how messy things get, and god know we like our fucks to be messy, some warm water and mild soap takes care of everything. Cleaning it is easy because the SilaSkin material is nonporous and so stretchy you can actually turn the blasted thing inside out. And once thoroughly dry the sheath isn’t the least bit sticky or tacky, like a lot of similar materials get after use. We both give this product and A+ rating.”
Glenn: “Like I said earlier; Hump Gear is sure to make the short list for The Best Product or Toy for Men when we do our year end round up in about eleven months. Hump Gear is versatile, easy to use, a load of fun for both top and bottom (or by yourself), it is made of a healthy, long-lasting material that is sure to please, and it’s easy to clean. You can’t beat the combo with a stick! Again, kudos to the guys at the Perfect Fit Brand; you’ve another winner on your hands.”





Best Adult Products List For 2012

For those of you who missed my Final Podcast of 2012 — Podcast #357, posted last Wednesday, 12/19/12, it’s time to announce this year’s Best Adult Products List For 2012.

We have five categories this year — The Best Product or Toy for Men; The Best Product or Toy for Women; The Best Product or Toy for Couples; The Best Kinky Product or Toy; and The Best Lube or Lotion.

We reviewed some amazing adult products and sex toys this year in all five categories. So coming up with the very best in each category was a bit of a challenge. But despite the difficulty we completed our list and here are members of the Dr Dick Review Crew to reveal the winners.

Jada with The Best Product or Toy for WomenBloom.

Leaf-Bloom-Hand

Mick & Chuck with The Best Lube or LotionCumShotLube.

cum-Shot-Lube-clean

Jack & Karen with The Best Product or Toy for CouplesWE VIBE 3.

we-vibe-3-couples-450x470

  • We have a tie for The Best Kinky Product or Toy for 2012, and curiously enough, they both come from the same company, the wonderful folks at Spareparts.

Carlos with the Deuce Male Harness.

Deuce02

Christa with the Joque Harness.

spareparts Joque

Glenn and Hank with The Best Product or Toy for MenFat Boy Cock Extender.

Fat Boy03

RealTouch interactive sex device for men

RealTouch interactive sex device for men —— $249.99

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “Have ya ever lusted after a sex toy? Have ya ever wanted something so bad that you were willing to do just about anything to get your grubby little hand on one? Well, that’s how we felt about the RealTouch.”
Hank: “Damn straight! We started seeing ads for this device a few years ago. We begged Dr Dick to get us one to review. He said he contacted the RealTouch people directly for a unit to review, but never heard back from them. We figured we were simply out of luck.”
Glenn: “That is till a few weeks ago when the good doctor called me with the news that he had a RealTouch to review. I almost wet myself over the good news.”
Hank: “Glenn couldn’t keep the good news to himself, so he called me at work. ‘Drop by Dr Dick’s on your way home and pick up our new review product.’ Typical of Glenn, he wouldn’t tell me what was so important. I had to find out for myself.”
Glenn: “I wanted Hank to be as surprised as I was. And sure enough, later that day, he comes bounding through the door like a puppy with this big box under his arm.”
Hank: “Big box is an understatement. It’s huge! Ok, for those of you who have been living under a rock for the last few years and missed all the ads for the RealTouch, we’d better start with what it is. It’s a high tech, multi-media jackoff machine. I kid you not.”
Glenn: “The box is so huge because it has a shit-load of parts. Each part is individually wrapped so that by the time you’ve unwrapped everything you barely have the energy assemble it. And it does require lots of assembly. Besides the ginormous RealTouch unit itself (3.5 lbs mind you), there are cords, power adapter, a ‘USB Mini-Tower’, instruction manual, a DVD, and a small bottle of lube. Holy shit!”
Hank: “When we had everything unwrapped and laid out in front of us, we both looked at each other in amazement. Here’s a tip: you absolutely need to follow the extensive set of instructions provided in the package or you will be totally lost. Don’t even think that you’ll be getting to use the RealTouch right out of the package.”
Glenn: “By this time, I’m seriously beginning to reconsider my lusting after this monstrosity. In addition to having to assemble the thing ya gotta install a software application on your computer. Ya know, I think we forgot to mention that this jerkoff machine only works in response to specially prepared videos. Neither Hank nor I could figure out the software installation instructions. We actually had to call the customer service line for help. We were thinking to ourselves, what kind of person works for the call center for RealTouch? They must get off on fielding calls from frustrated masturbators. It’s also super creepy knowing that RealTouch knows when you are using their product. They know who you are and where you live and they can tell when you’re connected and logged on to their web site. This privacy concern really put me off.”
Hank: “Since the RealTouch works with online videos you absolutely need to register your unit. There are 10 free videos scenes, both gay and straight, that come on the DVD inside the package. But the corker was we couldn’t tell what content the free videos contained; we had to search for the gay themed videos. Of course, if you’re willing to shell out even more money than the $250 you’ve already spent on this appliance, you can purchase or rent lots of other videos. The RealTouch video library is searchable by category or sex act. Just so you know, you can’t use any of your own videos in conjunction with the RealTouch. What a racket!”
Glenn: “But wait there are more headaches to come. Part of the assembly requires you to fill the special lube reservoir in the unit prior to use. And you have to do this each and every you use the blasted thing. Ya see, the lube is automatically dispensed during use. And guess what? You’ll need 3.5 ounces of lube to fill the thing. That’s right; on top of all the other expenses involved with this monstrosity your lube budget will go through the ceiling.”
Hank: “Are we having fun yet? So the parts that come in conduct with your cock, basically two belts with tracker-like treads are made from soft TPE (Thermoplastic Elastomer). When the RealTouch is working properly the belts rotate in an attempt to replicate the feel of the action being displayed on the video. Frankly, after all this setup and frustration I was completely under whelmed by the sensations.”
Glenn: “We had to clear off our entire computer desk just to accommodate this thing and all its wires, cords and power adapter. I watched Hank readied his cock and insert it in the RealTouch. I held my breath. If that thing injured my man’s precious johnson there would be hell to pay.”
Hank: “Glenn is real protective of my cock. The instructions say the RealTouch has a vaginal depth of 9”. I’m hung 9”, and I’d say they are exaggerating things considerably. And despite the fact that it’s as big and bulky, most of the action was concentrated on my dickhead. I couldn’t say it was doing much of anything for the shaft of my cock. And this thing is fuckin’ LOUD!”
Glenn: “And what’s all this about vaginas? What about assholes? I’d be willing to wager that a good portion, if not the majority of guys who buy this behemoth are gay. The manufacturer doesn’t even tip his hat in that direction. The packaging is all straight-oriented too. It’s like they’re totally clueless.”
Hank: “Oh, and the RealTouch heats up too. It’s supposed to heat to body temperature, but I think the one we got was defective, because it overheated. It was actually too hot. While the belts do provide a variety of sensations, there’s nothing special about them. I kept thinking to myself, ‘when are we gonna get to the good parts?’”
Glenn: “I stood aside and watched in amazement. The RealTouch was churning away gobbling Hank’s hog. It was a sight to see. Remember all that lube we added to the reservoir? Well, the unit is supposed to “get wet” like a real vagina by releasing that lube as it churns away. (I wouldn’t know about that!) But before ya know it the RealTouch began to leak lube everywhere. WTF? Who’s gonna clean up this mess? Luckily we didn’t’ get any lube on the keyboard or mouse. But that’s only because Hank had the foresight to bring a big damp towel to his RealTouch session. He had to thoroughly wipe his hands before he touched the laptop. There’s nothing that ruins an erotic moment like worrying about getting things messy.”
Hank: “It’s true. What a disaster! And the clean up? Forgetaboutit! You not only have to disconnect the RealTouch from its power source and the computer, but you have to disassemble the unit itself. A good portion of that lube we put in the reservoir was wasted. I had to take the blasted thing into the shower with me to clean it.”
Glenn: “In the end I decided not to even bother trying it myself. You talk about being disappointed.”
Hank: “Yep, disappointment is an understatement. This whole debacle reminded me of the adage; be careful of what you wish for.”
Glenn: “Neither one of us can recommend this product. It’s ridiculously huge, absurdly expensive, amazingly noisy, and super messy. The sensations produced don’t live up to the hype. And you have to buy or rent the videos you watch with the RealTouch, which only adds to the cost of operating this thing.”

Fat Boy Cock Sheath

Fat Boy Cock Sheath —— $41.56

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “Damn! The fuckin’ Fat Boy Cock Sheath is about the hottest fuckin’ sex toy I’ve had the pleasure to use in just about fuckin’ ever.”
Hank: “As you can see, Glenn is being his usual articulate self. How many times can you use ‘fuckin’’ in one sentence?”

Glenn: “I’m simply being expressive in the best way I know how. So sue me, why don’t cha?”
Hank: “Don’t get me wrong; I’m totally with you on this. The Fat Boy Cock Sheath is as you say, fuckin’ amazing.”
Glenn: “Ok, so here’s the 411 on this product. The Fat Boy Cock Sheath is…well for lack of a better term, a sheath that fits snuggly around your boner. It is made of this revolutionary material called SilaSkin. Apparently it’s a proprietary blend of silicone and TPR (thermoplastic rubber). It is unbelievably stretchy and irresistibly soft. And it come in both black and clear.”
Hank: “We’ve tried other masturbation sleeves that are made of super squishy materials, like this, and we wound up tossing them in the trash after just a couple uses. While we love the softness and pliability, the trouble with most ‘skin-like’ materials is, they are also super porous and nearly impossible to clean. Of course you have to clean it after every use, but you also have to powder it to keep it from getting so tacky that you can’t use it again. It’s a fuckin’ hassle, I tell you.”
Glenn: “I admit, when Dr Dick offered us Fat Boy Cock Sheath to review, I just rolled my eyes. I was expecting the same song and dance as what Hank just described. I was actually going to demurely decline Dr Dick’s invitation until I open the plastic packaging. I did this because all the other ‘skin-like’ materials we’ve tried smelled horrible. It’s the disgusting off gas that is a byproduct of the manufacturing process. And ya know what? All the other skin-like materials are loaded with phthalates, which, if you’ve been paying attention to the reviews on this site is a definite no-no when it comes to sex toys. Phthalates are the cancer-producing chemicals that are used to make rubber and latex supper soft and pliable.”
Hank: “Yep, I’ll pass on the phthalates, if ya don’t mind. Anyhow, where Glenn was going with all of that is when you open the Fat Boy Cock Sheath packaging there is no discernible odor. There is no off-gas, because it is phthalate-free! Once we got wind of this, no pun intended, we couldn’t wait to get home and try this puppy out.”
Glenn: “Those of you who follow our reviews know that I am an insatiable bottom.”
Hank: “That’s an understatement, but please go on.”
Glenn: “Everyone’s a fuckin’ critic. What I was about to say is that I generously allowed Hank to use the Fat Boy Cock Sheath first. I simply stripped down to my jockstrap and climbed into our brand new sling.”
Hank: “Isn’t he generous? He allowed me first use of the Fat Boy Cock Sheath. Truth is he was gonna get the better part of this toy and he knew it. So ok, I have a big dick and I know how to use it. But slipping this sheath over my hog was fantastic. I dribbled some lube inside the sheath then squished it around. By the way, the inside of the sheath is ribbed and bubbled for my pleasure. We only used water-based lube to begin with; because we thought silicone-based lube would mar the silicone of the sheath. We learned later that we could have used whatever type of lube we wanted. Very cool!”
Glenn: “I watched with anticipation as Hank readied his cock. I gotta tell you the visuals were stunning. Oh, I should point out that there is a smaller hole in the base of the Fat Boy Cock Sheath through which you pull your balls. The material is real stretchy; so don’t worry about getting your boys through the hole.”
Hank: “Despite being hard as a rock from the get go, I started slipping and sliding the sheath over my dick. It felt fantastic! I swear I could have blown my load right then and there.”
Glenn: “But he didn’t. Because it was time to punish my asshole and I was all ready for him. I’m proud to say that I can take Hank’s thick 9-incher with relative ease. It’s taken years of practice, but I can do it. The Fat Boy Cock Sheath made his unit scary big and the task all that more daunting. But here’s the thing, the super soft and stretchy SilaSkin added to my pleasure, but didn’t chafe my hole like some of the bigger toys we use.”
Hank: “Speaking of pleasure, I was lovin’ both what was happening to my cock and what I could see what happening to Glenn’s hole. What a sight! My cock, encased in the Fat Boy Cock Sheath, slid in and out of Glenn’s lubed up hole with ease. I was sending him to paradise and I knew it. The squishy sound my dick made inside the sheath added to our piggy play.”
Glenn: “I knew Hank was close to bustin’ his nut so I held on for dear life. With one last thrust he was spent. But I was still ready to go.”
Hank: “A little quick thinking on my part brought Glenn to an explosive finish too. I simply slipped my softening dick from the Fat Boy Cock Sheath and replaced it with one of our beautiful glass dildos. Glenn loves the hardness of the glass, but it never seemed to fill him up. But now the sheath did just that.”
Glenn: “It was fantastic! I was yankin’ on my chub while Hank had a hold of my nuts and rammed the dildo home. I spewed so much spunk I thought it was time to notify the next of kin.”
Hank: “When the fuckfest was over, clean up was a snap. My nut was still in the tip of the Fat Boy Cock Sheath along with a mess of lube, but some warm water and mild soap took care of the whole thing. Cleaning it is easy because the SilaSkin material is nonporous and so stretchy you can actually turn the blasted thing inside out. And once thoroughly dry the sheath isn’t the least bit tacky. This product gets my highest rating.”
Glenn: “If the Fat Boy Cock Sheath doesn’t get the award for Best Male Toy Of The Year in this year’s review round up, the Dr Dick Review Crew will have to answer to me. The sheath is versatile, easy to use, a load of fun, makes even an average hung guy a monster and it is made of a healthy, long-lasting material that is sure to please and it’s easy to clean. PERFECT! Kudos to the guys at Perfect Fit Brand; you have a winner on your hands.”

Lost and Found DVD

Lost and Found —— $18.81

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “I have a little secret. I have a guilty pleasure. I really get off on straight porn. Well some of it anyhow.”
Hank: “He has to keep it a secret, because, if the homo police find out, they’ll take away his homo card.”
Glenn: “You joke, but you know there’s truth in what I say, Hank. Most of our queer friends would never understand my taste for straight porn.”
Hank: “Hey, I don’t know; I’d be wiling to bet that way more gay men dig straight porn then those, like you, who are willing to admit to their guilty pleasure. Nowadays the men in straight porn are way hotter than they used to be. Maybe that’s because a lot of the ‘straight’ male performers are also working as ‘gay-for-pay’ performers in gay porn. So you know for certain that is raising the hunkyness-bar all over the industry.”
Glenn: “On a recent visit to Dr Dick’s I noticed a pile of DVDs on his desk. I asked him; ‘what’s up with all the movies?’ He said, ‘I got them from New Sensations to farm out for review.’ I said, ‘I’d be up for that assignment.’ He said, ‘really? That would be way cool; you know it’s straight porn, right? Then Dr Dick added, ‘I suppose if these movies can pass the gay test, we’ll all know that they are good to go.’ And so that’s how I got Lost and Found to review. Score!”
Hank: “When Glenn is happy, I’m happy. Besides, anything that gets him boned up will eventually lead to me gettin’ a world-class blowjob or me pluggin’ his tight muscular ass. And I almost never argue with that math.”
Glenn: “Ok, I admit, I’m a sex fiend; so sue me already! Lost and Found is the story of a bachelor, David, (Xander Corvus, who is hot, hot, hot!), who wants to jettison the swinger ways and settle down. Imagine his good fortune when the gal of his dreams, Jen (Allie Haze, who is so adorable!) moves in next door with her little dog. This is a sweet romance about a man, a woman and the little dog that brought them together by nearly tearing them apart. Fuckin’ charming, huh?”
Hank: “It is very charming, but it’s sexy as hell too. I walked in on Glenn watching the DVD and thought he was watching some Hollywood romcom. I was just about to turn heal and run when this chick starts blowin’ this dude. And damn, she sure looked like she knew what she was doin’. Most of the women I see in straight porn aren’t very good cocksuckers. They look at the dick in their hand and you can see it in their face, they’d much rather be in Cleveland.”
Glenn: “Hank says that a lot of the guys in gay porn don’t know how to suck dick either. He’s right! It’s pathetic, I tell you. Cocksucking is a lost art. I also want to comment on something else Hank said. The production values of Lost and Found are first class. Everything from the box art to the movie’s audio track is topnotch. It could have easily come from one of the major Hollywood studios…except it has all this really hot girl on guy sex. And here’s the real kicker; all the dudes wear condoms in this flick. Fuckin’ A! I wish more straight porn producers did that.”
Hank: “You can also tell that this movie has its female audience in mind. I don’t mean to suggest that they soft sell the sex; they don’t. But it is respectful of women. Call me old fashioned; but I hate it when I see a woman being degraded in a porno. It’s such a turn off. No wonder most women aren’t into video smut. BTW, Xander Corvus is super fine! He has a sweet face, a nice body, a big old dick, but he shaves his pubes. I guess three out of four ain’t too shabby!”
Glenn: “Lost and Found has four really great sex scenes. All the characters are very attractive and likeable, but they’re also still believable. There’s not a porn stereotype in the bunch. The sex is vanilla, but there’s real chemistry between the performers. There’s loads and loads of kissing too. And the non-sex acting is amazingly good.”
Hank: “The DVD has some great extras too. There are some outtakes, and this other really cool feature called Pick Your Pleasure, which allows you to watch the sex scenes by type.”
Glenn: “And just so you know; I didn’t keep the movie to myself. Once Hank and I were finished watching it a couple times I turned on three of my gal-pals at work to the movie. All of them loved it. I mean, how could you not? It has everything ya need for a great movie.”
Hank: “It got me hard!”
Glenn: “Yeah, but reruns of I Love Lucy get you hard. So where’s the recommendation in that?”
Hank: “Oh snap!”
Glenn: “Really folks, check out Lost and Found. It’s a fun story, very well acted…oh and it has plenty of delicious sex in it too. And you get it all for under $20! Share it with someone you love or someone you want to get to know really, really well.”

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