Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “I have a little secret. I have a guilty pleasure. I really get off on straight porn. Well some of it anyhow.”
Hank: “He has to keep it a secret, because, if the homo police find out, they’ll take away his homo card.”
Glenn: “You joke, but you know there’s truth in what I say, Hank. Most of our queer friends would never understand my taste for straight porn.”
Hank: “Hey, I don’t know; I’d be wiling to bet that way more gay men dig straight porn then those, like you, who are willing to admit to their guilty pleasure. Nowadays the men in straight porn are way hotter than they used to be. Maybe that’s because a lot of the ‘straight’ male performers are also working as ‘gay-for-pay’ performers in gay porn. So you know for certain that is raising the hunkyness-bar all over the industry.”
Glenn: “On a recent visit to Dr Dick’s I noticed a pile of DVDs on his desk. I asked him; ‘what’s up with all the movies?’ He said, ‘I got them from New Sensations to farm out for review.’ I said, ‘I’d be up for that assignment.’ He said, ‘really? That would be way cool; you know it’s straight porn, right? Then Dr Dick added, ‘I suppose if these movies can pass the gay test, we’ll all know that they are good to go.’ And so that’s how I got Lost and Found to review. Score!”
Hank: “When Glenn is happy, I’m happy. Besides, anything that gets him boned up will eventually lead to me gettin’ a world-class blowjob or me pluggin’ his tight muscular ass. And I almost never argue with that math.”
Glenn: “Ok, I admit, I’m a sex fiend; so sue me already! Lost and Found is the story of a bachelor, David, (Xander Corvus, who is hot, hot, hot!), who wants to jettison the swinger ways and settle down. Imagine his good fortune when the gal of his dreams, Jen (Allie Haze, who is so adorable!) moves in next door with her little dog. This is a sweet romance about a man, a woman and the little dog that brought them together by nearly tearing them apart. Fuckin’ charming, huh?”
Hank: “It is very charming, but it’s sexy as hell too. I walked in on Glenn watching the DVD and thought he was watching some Hollywood romcom. I was just about to turn heal and run when this chick starts blowin’ this dude. And damn, she sure looked like she knew what she was doin’. Most of the women I see in straight porn aren’t very good cocksuckers. They look at the dick in their hand and you can see it in their face, they’d much rather be in Cleveland.”
Glenn: “Hank says that a lot of the guys in gay porn don’t know how to suck dick either. He’s right! It’s pathetic, I tell you. Cocksucking is a lost art. I also want to comment on something else Hank said. The production values of Lost and Found are first class. Everything from the box art to the movie’s audio track is topnotch. It could have easily come from one of the major Hollywood studios…except it has all this really hot girl on guy sex. And here’s the real kicker; all the dudes wear condoms in this flick. Fuckin’ A! I wish more straight porn producers did that.”
Hank: “You can also tell that this movie has its female audience in mind. I don’t mean to suggest that they soft sell the sex; they don’t. But it is respectful of women. Call me old fashioned; but I hate it when I see a woman being degraded in a porno. It’s such a turn off. No wonder most women aren’t into video smut. BTW, Xander Corvus is super fine! He has a sweet face, a nice body, a big old dick, but he shaves his pubes. I guess three out of four ain’t too shabby!”
Glenn: “Lost and Found has four really great sex scenes. All the characters are very attractive and likeable, but they’re also still believable. There’s not a porn stereotype in the bunch. The sex is vanilla, but there’s real chemistry between the performers. There’s loads and loads of kissing too. And the non-sex acting is amazingly good.”
Hank: “The DVD has some great extras too. There are some outtakes, and this other really cool feature called Pick Your Pleasure, which allows you to watch the sex scenes by type.”
Glenn: “And just so you know; I didn’t keep the movie to myself. Once Hank and I were finished watching it a couple times I turned on three of my gal-pals at work to the movie. All of them loved it. I mean, how could you not? It has everything ya need for a great movie.”
Hank: “It got me hard!”
Glenn: “Yeah, but reruns of I Love Lucy get you hard. So where’s the recommendation in that?”
Hank: “Oh snap!”
Glenn: “Really folks, check out Lost and Found. It’s a fun story, very well acted…oh and it has plenty of delicious sex in it too. And you get it all for under $20! Share it with someone you love or someone you want to get to know really, really well.”

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “So one of our dyke friends calls me on the phone and tells me she wants to turn me on to one of her sex toys. I’m immediately suspicious because this chick is the queen of sex toys and she’s not the sharin’ kind. So I ask her, what’s up? She tells me she recently plunked down over 300-smackers for this stainless steel dildo. So now my interest is really piqued.”
Hank: “Yeah, he was like beside himself at the prospect of getting a $300 toy to shove in his ass.”
Glenn: “What can I say; I’m a connoisseur! So a couple of days later our friend shows up with a virtually brand new Njoy Eleven. I said, ‘holy shit, girlfriend; what gives?’ She says she can’t use the blasted thing, because it’s uncomfortable in her hand and it’s not the super-duper G-spot toy she expected it to be. I said, ‘damn, hand it over!” And that’s how I got this coveted Njoy Eleven.”
Hank: “I gotta say, the fuckin thing is amazing. And I love the way it fits in my hand. I guess it’s more of a dude’s toy than a chick toy. It is 11” long, thus the clever name, made of solid stainless steel and weighs in at a hefty 2.75 lbs. This thing could easily be mistaken for a weapon.”
Glenn: “Yeah, a weapon of ass destruction! And it’s a doubleheader. One end is slightly smaller than the other at 1.75” in diameter; the bigger end is 2” diameter. I love them both.”
Hank: “The shaft on the smaller end has a series of ridges. The shaft on the larger end is smooth as a baby’s ass. It’s a complete turn-on to see one or the other end of this thing disappear in Glenn’s talented ass.”
Glenn: “And the Njoy Eleven isn’t just for fun, no siree! This is a serious kegel exerciser. While I have the smaller end up my hole, I work my PC muscles to keep my ass in tip-top condition. The weight of the Njoy Eleven gives me a serious workout and a fantastic prostate massage to boot. And when Hank uses it on me, I’m fuckin in heaven.”
Hank: “The Njoy Eleven is compatible with whatever lube you got handy — oil-based, silicone-based, water-based you name it.”
Glenn: “I prefer a silicone-based lube. It makes a stainless steel toy, like this, slick as shit. Even with just a dab of lube there’s never any dragging or pulling. And you can kick it up a notch by warming or cooling the Njoy Eleven. I love being blindfolded and being surprised when Hank teases my ass with something hot, or cold.
Hank: “He’s so easy to please! And look, the Njoy Eleven comes in this really she-she black leather purse.”
Glenn: “I think it’s called a clutch.”
Hank: “Whatever! At any rate, it’s a pretty damned classy presentation. But then again it better, because don’t forget this thing costs $300. Which makes the Njoy Eleven the most expensive toy the Dr Dick Review Crew has ever reviewed.”
Glenn: “But because this toy is made of premium gleaming stainless steel, cleanup and even sterilization is a snap. Wash it down with soap and water; wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution, drop it in boiling water for a few minutes; or put it in the top rack of your dishwasher.”
Hank: “Listen, if you have this kind of cash just layin around and you want to impress someone with your big-ass generosity, you oughta consider pickin’ up one of these babies. The Njoy Eleven is mighty sweet.”
Glenn: “I totally agree. This is the consummate toy for sharing too. If your ass is as hungry as mine, or if you know someone who’s is; or you have a lady friend who’s not intimidated by a big toy, the Njoy Eleven is for you. All I can say is, thanks, Viv, for turning me on to this beauty. I owe you big time.”

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “This here is the Nexus Max 5. The package says it’s a G-spot massager. But, if you ask me, it should also say it’s a P-spot massager.”
Hank: “Glenn thinks everything belongs in his ass.”
Glenn: “That’s not exactly true. But, for the most part, if a toy is designed for G-spot stimulation it’ll probably work wonders on your prostate too. That being said, I’ll admit that the Nexus Max 5 is not for beginners!”
Hank: “That’s an understatement. I couldn’t get the first knob on the insertable end past my rosebud.”
Glenn: “Yep, this is a professional grade insertable, that’s for sure. But for a talented power bottom like me, there’s nothing too it.”
Hank: “I love the shape of it. The Nexus Max 5 is made of medical grade silicone, which is one of the safest and most hygienic sex toy materials available. It’s completely smooth and when you lube it up, with a water-based lube, (and make sure you only use water-based lube) it’s slick and slippery and basically slides into Glenn’s ass like a hot knife through butter.”
Glenn: “The unique shape of the Nexus Max 5 makes it so easy to handle, even when lubed up. You, or your partner, can get a real good grip on the thing. And you can power-fuck your ass with it too, although most guys will probably just use it as a butt plug. Here’s the thing, if you can’t easily insert at least two or three fingers in your hole, this toy is not for you.”
Hank: “I swear my man has the most talented ass in town. It’s been known to swallow my entire fist, so the Nexus Max 5 is a cakewalk for him. It comes with a removable bullet vibe, which has 3 variable speeds of vibration. It runs on one of those little round watch batteries and it comes already loaded with a battery right out of the package.”
Glenn: “There are also these cool little nubs or cleats on the vibe housing that land on my taint (perineum) when the Nexus Max 5 lodged inside my ass. My sphincter can grab hold of the notched neck of this baby and keep it nestled inside for as long as I like. And unlike a lot of the other P-spot vibes on the market that are designed for the ass-play novice, this one fills me up nicely. The vibration is strong enough so that I can feel it all through my pelvis; my dick, my balls, everything is having a good time at once.”
Hank: “This is a high quality toy. It’s rugged, manly and it’s jet black. It’s non-porous, phthalate-free, hypoallergenic, latex free and the silicone is food-grade. ”
Glenn: “And because this toy is high-grade silicone, cleanup and even sterilization is a snap. Wash it down with soap and water; wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution, drop it in boiling water for a few minutes; or put it in the top rack of your dishwasher. Be sure to remove the bullet vibe for these last two options.”
Hank: “The Nexus Max 5 comes in a simple, but attractive package; just a folded plastic box really. There’s a small foldout booklet inside the package that offers instructions for prostrate massage.”
Glenn: “If there’s someone on your shopping list with an ass talent like mine, or you want to be one of the big boys when you grow up, the Nexus Max 5 is the ideal gift. The box could easily be wrapped for gift-giving.”

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “This perky little thing is the C-Sling by Tantus. As you can see from its design, it is not your ordinary cockring.”
Hank: “I had to do a double take on the package. The packaging calls it a C-Sling. What’s up with that? Were they too timid to call it a cock sling? I don’t get it. I mean, it’s not like you’re not gonna find this thing on a rack at the local Walmart. You’ll only find this in an adult store, so why be so coy? C-Sling doesn’t tell me anything.”
Glenn: “Whoa, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!”
Hank: “I’m just sayin’, ok?”
Glenn: “Now that we have that rant out of the way, let’s take a peek at the C-Sling. It’s more than just a cockring; its teardrop shape works as a ‘taint’ (perineum) stimulator. This is not the first cockring of this design that I’ve seen. But it is the first one that I’ve seen that is made of 100% silicone. So that’s totally cool in my book.”
Hank: “I’ve been wanting to get a silver one, but they are really pricy. They make for some beautiful cock jewelry tough.”
Glenn: “That’s true enough, but I like the comfort the C-Sling. There is a little give with the silicone, not a whole lot, but there is a little. The metal ones have no give at all. And I think the black is pretty hot too. It also comes in red.”
Hank: “Ya got me there. The C-Sling is handsome, no doubt about it. My complaint is that it apparently comes only in this one size. That sucks, because there is no way this thing would fit on my cock and balls. One size fits all is not a good idea for a cockring, IMHO.”
Glenn: “Mr Big Meat over here has a point. The C-Sling fits me fine, but I have an average endowment. The cool thing about this kind of cockring is that you can wear it several different ways. There’s the usual position pointing down and back towards your asshole for the promised taint massage. If you point the tongue upward you get this freaky look of the tongue nestled in your pubes. Turn the ring around point the tongue tip outward and it hits ya right in the nuts. I love this. When I’m fisting my meat the C-Sling pushes up on my balls for this really great sensation. Also, when I wear it this way, it lifts my balls some so that I look like a have bigger package. Very hot!”
Hank: “A couple of weeks ago we were in Palm Springs and Glenn wore the C-Sling, in that way, under his skimpy Speedos. It really made his package pop. All the guys were staring at him.”
Glenn: “I got a kick out of that. Stole some of Hank’s thunder, thank you very much. Oh, and I use a bit of water-based lube on the rim of the C-Sling for easy placement. The lube also prevents chafing if you’re gonna wear if for a while. There’s an illustration on the package that shows you how to insert your balls first, then your limp dick. Don’t try to put this thing on with a boner.”
Hank: “Because this is quality silicone, you can clean it with simple soap and water; wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution; or sterilize in boiling water or the dishwasher.”
Glenn: “If you like cockrings as much as Hank and I, ya gotta check out the C-Sling. Dudes, don’t be afraid to try something new.”

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “What’s more fun than buying yourself a sex toy? Making your own, that’s what.”
Hank: “Glenn nearly wet himself when he caught sight of the Clone-A-Willy Kit. He can’t help it; he fancies himself a regular Martha Stewart. I swear this man can make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.”
Glenn: “Awww, see how you are? Isn’t he sweet? It’s true though, I got an instant hardon thinking about cloning Hank’s willie.”
Hank: “At first I thought, damn, my hog ain’t gonna fit in that tube. But it did and the rest is history.”
Glenn: “Hold on there, big fella! We didn’t even tell them what happened.”
Hank: “Yeah, sorry, I got a little ahead of myself.”
Glenn: “If you don’t mind me quoting from the Empire Labs promotional materials. The Clone-A-Willy’s medically tested molding gel process captures incredible, life-like detail, making this the most personalized vibrating sex toy you will ever own. Each kit contains everything you need to create an exact replica of any penis in the comfort of your own home.”
Hank: “There are several things you ought to know from the get-go. First, you must follow the directions exactly as presented. Second, it’s essential that you have everything near-to-hand before you start to mix any of the ingredients. Third, if it’s your cock that’s getting molded, you will have to maintain an erection under some stressful conditions; like ‘hurry up and wait!’”
Glenn: “All very good points! I will add that the process can get a little messy. If you’re anal retentive like me you will want to use disposable plastic containers to do your mixing. And be sure to cover your countertop and floor with some plastic sheeting. I used some leftover plastic painting tarp that I draped over the counter and on to the floor.”
Hank: “While Glenn was busy in the kitchen I put on some porn and stretched out on the couch. I slipped on a snug cock ring and started to pull my pud using a little water-based lube. I wanted to make sure that I was at full-mast for my big close-up.”
Glenn: “Once I had everything set up I called for Hank to join me. He had this sheepish look on his face, but he also had a raging hardon. I think he was afraid that he would lose his wood before the mold was set. I assured him we’d work fast. Well actually, that’s precisely what you have to do…work fast. We trimmed the plastic tube to the right size. I mixed the molding powder in water and filled the tube. Hank plunged in his dick and we held it there till the mold set.”
Hank: “The anticipation was the worst part. But it’s over almost as fast as it began. I think it only took a minute for the mold to set. I pealed off the excess molding material, twisted the plastic tube a bit and out popped my cock; no worse for the wear.”
Glenn: “We let the mold dry completely before I started to mix the rubber mixture. I pored the mixture in the mold, added the vibrating unit as the instructions directed and left it on the counter to set for 24 hours.”
Hank: “I couldn’t believe my eyes when, the next day, we pulled the completed dildo from the mold. It was so fuckin’ lifelike! I gotta tell you it’s a bizarre experience seeing an exact replica of your own dick. I love it though.”
Glenn: “You love it? Imagine how I must feel! Now I’ll never be without at least one of Hank’s cocks; even if he takes the original one on a business trip, I’ll always have the other to keep me occupied.”
Hank: “If you are a do-it-yourself type of person and you like a little challenge. If you can follow directions without getting all flustered; then Clone-A-Willy is a fun project for you and your partner to do together. Just be prepared for a silly messy time. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “First off; Hank and I are Titan Media’s biggest fans. You don’t know Titan Media? Get with it, fuckers! They’re about the best gay porn producers out there. Check it out. And a big shout out to our favorite Titan star, Tony Buff.”
Hank: “The reason Glenn said what he did about Titan Media is because today we have one of their signature toys to review. It’s called the Titanmen Vibrations #3 Master. We’ve seen these online for months now and have been itchin’ to get our paws on some of these.”
Glenn: “The Vibrations #3 Master is so hot lookin. It big; it’s bold; it’s ribbed and it’s my favorite color — black.”
Hank: “If I know Glenn, and I think I do, his rosebud was twitchin’ in anticipation of this billy club of a vibe landin’ where the sun don’t shine.”
Glenn: “Oh man; I could hardly wait to get it out of the package.”
Hank: “It’s waterproof, bendable and truly man-sized. It’s powered by 2 AA batteries, which are not included in the package.”
Glenn: “So I rip through the package to get hold of this monster and low and behold the thing smells totally funky. It has this strong odor of off gas that tells me this thing is not made of quality materials. Don’t know what off gas is; look it up! You’ll be just as freaked out as me.
This really sucks, in my humble opinion. The package says that it’s made of Silagel. Never heard of it. But it is supposed to be anti-bacterial, non-toxic and latex free. If it’s non-toxic; what’s causing the smell?”
Hank: “We’ve been doing these reviews long enough to know that when a toy smells funny, like this one does, we know not to use it on, or in our bodies. Our noses are our first line of defense against harmful materials. Your nose should be too.”
Glenn: “So I scrubbed the blasted thing down with soap and hot water before using it. There was still a faint smell after its bath, so I decided to slip a condom over it before I had Hank shoved it in my ass.”
Hank: “The condom, while a wise precaution, really took away from the kick-ass look of the toy. And that’s really too bad. I wonder why Titan didn’t insist on silicone for their signature line. Everything else they do is first class, why not their toys? Most of us don’t mind paying a bit more for a quality toy. Know what I mean?”
Glenn: “So anyhow, with new batteries in place I tested out the vibration. It’s pretty wimpy in terms of vibration, even at the highest speed.”
Hank: “And the rheostat kinda speed adjustment thingy on the toy’s base is pathetically second rate.”
Glenn: “The Vibrations #3 Master looks like it’s made to last; the packaging says it’s indestructible. That’s bull-oney! Closer inspection shows it to be a cheap crummy toy. But then again, ya can’t really expect otherwise for $20.”
Hank: “I hate when this happens. We both were so psyched to finally own one of these toys. But in the end, it was disappointment-ville all the way. Come on Titan; you surely can do better than this.”

Sex Toys & Vibrators

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “We consume a shit-load of condoms every year.”
Hank: “You might even say we have a little condom fetish.”
Glenn: “We always bring our own condoms to all the play parties we attend. And there are always buckets full of our favorite rubbers available at our house when we are the hosts of a party.”
Hank: “We simply can’t get behind barebacking. I know a lot of guys are doing it these days, but Glenn and I stand firm.”
Glenn: “We play with a lot of people and there’s simply no way of knowing where they’ve all been or what they’ve all been doing. So the path of the least resistance is a love glove; plain and simple!”
Hank: “When you find a good condom; one that fits and that’s comfortable; well, it’s like wearing nothing at all.Profil is one such condom. It fits me perfectly, it’s super sheer and it has a nice reservoir tip; all the things I look for in a rubber.”
Glenn: “I second that! I like the Mamba style. It’s a lot like Profil, but it’s yellow.”
Hank: “Glenn likes yellow because he’s a piss queen.”
Glenn: “That’s not the only reason I like yellow. But yeah, he’s right about me bein a big piss queen.”
Hank: “These condoms are made in Sweden; they’re silky and pre-lubed. The contour is great too. It’s snug right under my dickhead.”
Glenn: “The O!Zone people are the exclusive American importer of these superior RFSU condoms.”
Hank: “Oh, and about the vegan thing. While I never thought much about this before; it does make sense. So here’s the deal, the Vegan Action Foundation certifies that no animal products of any kind were used in the manufacturing of these condoms nor were any animals used in product testing.”
Glenn: “Use these condoms and make yours a greener, cruelty-free fuck.”
Hank: “You can’t beat that with a stick. Buy some today!”

Mister Twister ——  $129.95

Glenn & Hank
Glenn:  “WE’RE BACK!  Did you miss us?  We missed you.  Well actually, we missed the sex toys.  Being a Review Crew member has its perks.”
Hank:  “He’s in such a good mood because we got to review another toy that he can shove up his ass.  Glenn has the hungriest hole around.”
Glenn:  “I like to think of it as talented, not hungry.”
Hank:  “A rosebud by any other name…”
Glenn:  “Speaking of talented; a literary allusion and an asshole allusion all in one sentence.  You’re on a roll, my man!”
Hank:  “Ok, let’s get on with it.  What we have here is an art glass butt plug. Mister Twister is just one of the beautiful creations to be had when you visit XHale online.  Glenn and I are new to glass, but after this little encounter; there will surely be more glass toys to come.”
Glenn:  “This petite beauty is only 3 3/8” tall.  It has a very modest girth of not much more than an inch.  This is your starter butt plug model.  I’m like totally used to way bigger toys in my ass, but there is something about this stunning little number that makes it one of my favorites.  I feel all dressed up with this puppy pluggin my hole.  Maybe that’s because it’s art, baby.  All XHale art is individually handmade, which makes my insertable even more precious to me.  No one else in the world has exactly the same one as I.”
Hank:  “It sure is!  It also has this amazing blue and white swirl in the solid glass.  That’s why when Mister Twister joined our dildo and plug collection it was like a snowy dove trooping with crows.”
Glenn:  “There you go again!  Apparently you’ve got Romeo and Juliet on the brain.  But you’re right; Mister Twister is a jewel, that’s for sure.”
Hank:  “Because this is the highest quality glass, it will last a lifetime; ya just gotta treat it with care.”
Glenn:  “XHale helps you do that by providing a very sturdy black padded drawstring pouch to keep your insertable art safe from getting nicked or chipped.  But we think Mister Twister is so beautiful; when it’s not adorning my hole it is proudly placed on our mantle.”
Hank:  “And if you think that is gross, you don’t know squat about glass insertables.  You can clean this baby with simple soap and water; wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution; or sterilize in boiling water or the dishwasher.”
Glenn:  “You can use any sort of lube you want to with a glass object like this.  And a little goes a very long way.  For someone unfamiliar with a butt plug, this will take some getting use to.  It’s hard as a rock.  But once you get the hang of it, it will be your material of choice from there on out.  I can wear Mister Twister for hours on end.  There’s no chafing; nothing like that.”
Hank:  “And you can warm or chill glass for an added sensation.”
Glenn:  “Not all glass toys are made of the same quality glass.  But if you are considering a purchase, look for the name XHale.  You will not be disappointed.”
Hank:  “Glass, particularly stunning art glass like this, is gonna cost you.  But what thing of quality won’t?”
Glenn:  “If you know someone with an asshole and that person is very special; then Mister Twister is the ideal holiday gift for him or her.”

Glenn:  “Check this out!  This is the best thing that’s happened to butt fuckin since the invention of the sling.  The  Ramp is just one of Liberator’s many sex furniture shapes that are designed to add more fun and lessen bodily stress for whatever kind of sex you have up your sleeve.”
Hank:  “Or down your pant leg, as the case may be.  We got us a plus sized  Ramp and it is covered in black pleather.  But you can choose from a bunch of sizes and fabric options.”

Glenn:  “Pleather is great, because it cleans up fast.  And that’s a big plus because our sessions can get pretty messy.”
Hank:  “Ok, so what is the Liberator Ramp exactly and why is even better than a sling, or a swing for that matter?  Good questions. The Liberator Ramp is a big triangular shaped, sturdy, comfy and solidly made cushion.  Ours is 29” X 35” X 12”.  And it can be used in a multitude of ways.”
Glenn:  “It’s better than a sling or swing, because it’s portable, storable and you don’t have to suspend it from the ceiling, or set it up every time you want to shag.  It does stow easily under the bed.  It’s perfect for butt fuckin, because regardless of what position you like the Liberator Ramp is gonna make the sex a whole lot better for the top as well as the bottom.”
Hank:  “Glenn likes it doggie style.  I just bend him over the Ramp and plow away at his ass.  It’s easier on me, because his ass is elevated to just the right position for the ass-ult.  I can go as deep as possible, because his pelvis is supported by the Ramp.  Oh, and ya can’t really do doggie style in a sling or swing!”
Glenn:  “Hank is right!  I don’t have to arch my back or strain my arms and wrists pressing back against his manly thrusts.  But he can still grab my hair and pull.”
Hank:  “You joke, but I know you love it deep and heavy.  You’re just a dirty little piggy bottom, aren’t you?”
Glenn:  “Oink, oink!  I do enjoy a furious ride, that’s for damn sure.  Ok, so if you want to do another position, all you do is reposition yourself on the Ramp for a little face-to-face action.  Like I lay down on the Ramp, with my head at the lowest part of the incline.  I scoot my butt to the highest edge of the incline.”
Hank:  “Again, his ass is perfectly positioned for me to fuck him silly.  With Glenn already angled down, I can lift and open his legs with ease.”
Glenn:  “My toes are pointed to Jesus, and I’m in fuckin’ heaven.”
Hank:  “Oh, the Ramp is great for cocksucking too.  I just lay back on the Ramp, in the position Glenn just described, which elevates my hips 12” off the floor.  Glenn has all the access he needs to my dick, balls and rosebud.  He can service me till his heart’s content.”
Glenn:  “Again, there no stress or strain on my neck or back while I blow him.  And in this position Hank can grab his knees and pull open his own legs.  PERFECT!”
Hank:  “Could you live without a Ramp?  I suppose you could; we did all these years.  But now that we have this amazing piece of sex furniture, we’re thinking about adding other Liberator shapes to our collection.  HINT, HINT; Liberator send us more of your products, please!”
Glenn:  “I should probably add that the  Ramp was a big hit at a recent orgy we hosted.  Everyone was fighting for their time on the Ramp.  You know this thing is golden if it can satisfy a room full of sex-crazed queens.”
Hank:  “The Ramp is a bit pricy, but it’s totally worth it.  It’s beautifully made here in the good old US of A of high quality materials.  It will last!”
Glenn:  “I can promise you that it will enhance your sex life, as it has ours.”

Glenn & Hank

Glenn:  “When pigs are at play, like Hank and me; we need a stand-up lube that won’t let us down!”Hank:  “And when we’re in the thick of it, I don’t want to be fumblin’ around with a slick plastic bottle; just trying to get a grip on it so I  can squeeze a paw full of lube.  I wanna scoop my lube from a tub, damn it!”
Glenn:  “He’s such a he-man, huh?”
Hank:  “No, I’m serious.  A tub of lube, particularly when the consistency is more like goop then liquid, is ideal for pig play.  Since there’s nothing dainty about our play; there shouldn’t be anything dainty about our lube dispenser, if ya ask me”
Glenn:  “Truer words were never spoken.  That’s why we’re crazy over Pjur Power Cream Personal Lubricant.  Our lube of choice has always been, Pjur Original Bodyglide.  There’s no beating their silicone-based lube.  It’s slicker than shit!”
Hank:  “That’s for sure.  Now that we’ve gotten our hands on Power Cream, we have two Pjur products to choose from.”
Glenn:  “Pjur Power Cream Personal Lubricant is like having two lubes in one; because it’s a combo of water-based and silicone-based lubes.  I guess that’s what gives this stuff its thick creamy consistency that really has staying power.”
Hank:  “And it lasts long too!  There’s nothing I hate worse than a lube that dries out, or worse, gets sticky.”
Glenn:  “It’s like totally safe to use with condoms too, which is perfect when we’re playing with others.”
Hank:  “I won’t use Power Cream with our silicone toys, but we have plenty of other, non-silicone toys to stuff Glenn’s hungry hole.”
Glenn:  “If you’re a power-bottom, like me, or you just want to pretend that you are; get yourself a load of Pjur Power Cream Personal Lubricant today.”