Greg
I have the pleasure of introducing you to a fantastic toy, the Naughty Boy. Made by the same people who gave us the Rude Boy. Look for Dr Dick’s review of that puppy HERE!

The Naughty Boy is officially my new favorite ass play toy. Mine is blue, but it also comes in black. It has a very masculine design; it provides a very nice prostate massage as well as perineum massage. The one-speed bullet vibe in the base is powered by a couple of those small round watch batteries (the first set comes with the toy). They do a pretty good job delivering the sensations I am looking for in an anal toy. It has a very modest insertable length of just over 4″ with a slender diameter that starts out not bigger that your middle finger. This flairs slightly to a bulge of just over an inch. It’s great for an ass play beginner. But it also works for me, and I’m no novice to anal insertions, I can tell you.

The things I like most about the Naughty Boy is that it is made of 100% silicone and it is waterproof. Both of these features are really important to me. I don’t like sticking anything in my ass that is not of the highest quality. So silicone is the material for choice for me. It is soft and pliable, phthalates free, hypo-allergenic and latex free. And since this is a toy that goes where the sun don’t shine, it is essential that I have the ability to clean and sanitize it. I’m able to do this with soap and hot water, and then wiping it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution.

Be sure to use a lot of lube for anal insertions of any kind. And in this case, only water-based lube will do. A silicone-based lube will degrade this beautiful silicone toy; and you don’t want that.

If I had to find any fault with the Naughty Boy it would be with its ability to stay in place once inserted. I get off on sitting down with the Naughty Boy in my ass. The sensations are amazing. But if I get up and walk around as I do with any of the other plugs I own, the Naughty Boy slips out of my hole.

The reason for this is the notch between the bulbous section on the insertable shaft and the base is not narrow enough for my sphincter to clamp down on it. Or maybe the bulbous section is not of sufficient diameter. Whatever the reason, it’s not functioning like a plug as well as it could.

I live by this motto: “treat your ass well; use only quality toys in your hole.” I can confidently recommend the Naughty Boy as such a toy. And despite it being marketed specifically to men, anyone, male or female, can use it for some fine anal pleasuring. Get yours today!

This sex toy review sponsored by Adult Sex Toys: over 8,000 sex toys and adult toys to choose from.

Joy & Dixie
Dixie: “It’s been a while since we’ve had an opportunity to post a review for you guys.”
Joy: “Yep, it’s been two-plus months. But we have an excuse; we’ve been on the road. We sometimes get fed up with our day jobs and just say fuck it. We hop in our RV and hit the road. It does a person good to simply get up and go.”
Dixie: “But here’s the thing; despite our footloose wanderlust, we never leave home without the essentials. And our companion on the trip we just got back from was our new buddy the PAPAYA Toys Candy Stick.”

Joy: “This thing rocks! If you are like Dixie and I you’re often disappointed by the size of most of the vibes on the market. I have nothing against petite, but shouldn’t there be at least a few quality insertables for those of us who like big?”
Dixie: “You would think, from the surprising sameness of the vast majority of vibrators out there, that one size fits all. That’s simply not the truth. Lots of women we know, like ourselves, prefer something with some girth. And the Candy Stick certainly fits the bill. It satisfies like no other vibe we own and we own a load of them.”
Joy: “Yep, this puppy is ten wonderful inches from stem to stern. Nearly seven of those inches are insertable. And here’s the best part, it’s 1.5” in diameter. I guarantee that you’ll sit up and take note when the Candy Stick is present.”
Dixie: “The shaft has a slight curve to it and not only is it girthy, (Is that even a word?) but it has texture; the most delicious swirls. Ours is the PAPAYA grape color, but it comes in two other delectable colors too — apple, as in green apple and strawberry. It is made of 100% medical grade silicone. Their corporate philosophy is based on using only the finest materials available.”
Joy: “How refreshing is that? It seems nowadays a lot of sex toy companies are cutting corners. And since there’s no regulatory agency out there checking up on the claims these companies make; they can get away with murder. And we the consumer find ourselves with dubious products on our hands.”
Dixie: “So true! The silicone shaft connects to the base just below the baby blue band. By the way, I love this color combination. The base screws off to reveal the battery compartment, which is very easy to load with batteries. (2 AA batteries, not included; D’oh!) There is no wrong way to insert the battery barrel back inside the shaft, which is great. And screwing the base back on the shaft makes a watertight seal.”
Joy: “Now you’re talkin! This is my favorite part. The Candy Stick is waterproof. Not some nonsense splashproof, whatever that means. But it’s honest to god waterproof. I can’t tell you how many baths I’ve already shared with our Candy Stick.”
Dixie: “The two-button controls are ergonomically placed in the slightly textured handle. They are easy to manipulate even with lubed fingers. The Candy Stick features three vibration modes and each can be adjusted to various speeds by holding down one or the other button. It also turns off with just one click of the right button.”
Joy: “The Candy Stick is amazingly quiet too. I love inserting nearly the entire shaft; I can feel the vibrations throughout my entire pelvis area. It provides me with this deep and full feeling that is like no other. The only thing I like better in my cunt is Dixie’s hand.”
Dixie: “Thank you, hun! But you should know that you don’t need to insert this vibe for it to be enjoyed. It’s rounded nose and swirled shaft is perfect for clit play. I also like to lay back in the bath and place the Candy Stick right at the opening of my anus. The vibration there sends shivers up and down my spine. That and lightly rubbing my clit while underwater is a surefire way for me to have an explosive orgasm.”
Joy: “The beauty part of the Candy Stick is you can sterilize it for sharing. That’s because it’s both waterproof and silicone,. We’ve taken to dropping it in a pot of boiling water for a minute. We’ve even tested it in the dishwasher. You just need to make sure the shaft is screwed on tightly to the base before hand.”
Dixie: “Mild soap and warm water does just fine for everyday cleaning. You can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution too.”
Joy: “We don’t have to remind you that you can only use a water-based lube with a fine silicone toy like this, do we? Good! You should also know that the Candy Stick come in a beautiful gift box that is 100% biodegradable; there’s no plastic! You’ll also find a very pretty instruction booklet in three languages — English, German and Chinese. It makes a perfect gift…for yourself or someone you want to impress.”
Dixie: “You can tell we love our PAPAYA Toy; and we are confident that you’ll like them too. I am so excited to see this fresh new company take its rightful place in the marketplace. I look forward to many new, interesting and innovative things from them in years to come.”

Madora
I’ve never been in love with an inanimate object before. In fact, I’ve honestly never really cared for vibrators all that much, my sensitive parts don’t often agree with them and in my previous experience they make poor substitutes for the real thing. This is so not so with my new PAPAYA Toy! First off I have to say the texture is amazing. Amazing! Soft, durable, wonderful silicone, 100% medical grade I might add. Hallelujah! The model I have is called Rainbow and it is just one of the four delightful PAPAYA designs available.

Let’s start with the presentation. My Rainbow came in a beautiful gift box. It’s very stylish, yet understated. It’s also 100% biodegradable. There is absolutely no plastic in the packaging. I love that! A sleeve made of a pretty, but not too girly, art paper covers the box. The box itself clasps with a magnet. The name of the toy, its color (there are three color options) along with a little image of the toy is on a sticker on the box. It also identifies the number and size of the batteries needed for operation — 2 AA batteries.

Once inside the box you will find a very nice instruction booklet in three languages — English, German and Chinese. Again, nice art paper is used. Rainbow even comes with its own double layer satin drawstring storage pouch; a very thoughtful amenity. Everything about the packaging says quality, without ostentation.

Rainbow is like modern art sculpture; functional modern art. Ok, very, very, very functional modern art. My model is a super sexy shade of fuchsia (They call it strawberry, keeping with the fruit theme, I guess.) And it has rrrrridges, or bumps, if you please, and a bulbous head.

Because this toy is made of silicone you want to be sure to use only a water-based lube with it.

Here’s our love story:

So it all started with some light flirting. I introduced my 10” “Papi” (as I like to call him now) to the sleek little bottle of water-based lube and we all began to get acquainted. (They hit it off!) The great thing about Papi is that he’s just as smooth and enjoyable on the outside as he is when you get a little friendlier and let him in.

The ridges felt great as I ran him up and down my vulva. It’s amazingly flexible yet firm. There’s nothing squishy about Rainbow or anything like that. So when it came time to invite him in everything went super smoothly. One of my favorite parts about Rainbow is that I can play with it so many ways. Outside for clitoral stim and a soft vaginal massage, inside it was the perfect amount of fill and to my delight as you slide it back out the bulbous tip makes for fantastic times with my G-G-G-G-spot!

Again, Rainbow has perfect amount of flexibility. I’m able to stimulate my G-spot and bring it forward and still get plenty of vibe and attention on my clit. I used it over and over and over again, a different way every time! We spent a few blissful days together like you do when you first meet someone very special.

I even found myself thinking about “him” at random times throughout the day like I had a schoolgirl crush! Crazy! And here’s the very best part; the Rainbow is totally waterproof and fully submersible. So it makes for great times anywhere you want to take it including the bath and shower. I forgot to add how I love how the deliciously supple silicone holds the heat! It gets nice body-heat-holding-warm when I’m using it.

It’s got three vibe functions with an adjustable intensity. The controller is easy to use even with slippery fingers. The battery compartment is very straightforward; simply twist off the handle. The batteries fit easily into a barrel type thing that slips out of the toy for easy handling. The instructional booklet inside the box says that PAPAYA Toys are engineered in Germany and made in China.

Silicone toys like the Rainbow are so easy to clean up too. And because you can sterilize it, you can share it with confidence.

Just thinking about Rainbow now makes me want to run off and play. The best part is I don’t need to worry about whether or not he’ll be up for a date tonight; he’s waiting patiently for me in my toy chest right now.

It’s safe to say this is not just a crush, it’s beyond infatuation and I hope this love lasts a long, long time! I’m going on a trip tomorrow and will be bring my Papi along with me. (I’ve never done that before, ever!) But the thought of going too long without him is unacceptable. We’re inseparable. Thank you Dr. Dick for introducing us! We’ll send you a postcard soon.

Mister Twister ——  $129.95

Glenn & Hank
Glenn:  “WE’RE BACK!  Did you miss us?  We missed you.  Well actually, we missed the sex toys.  Being a Review Crew member has its perks.”
Hank:  “He’s in such a good mood because we got to review another toy that he can shove up his ass.  Glenn has the hungriest hole around.”
Glenn:  “I like to think of it as talented, not hungry.”
Hank:  “A rosebud by any other name…”
Glenn:  “Speaking of talented; a literary allusion and an asshole allusion all in one sentence.  You’re on a roll, my man!”
Hank:  “Ok, let’s get on with it.  What we have here is an art glass butt plug. Mister Twister is just one of the beautiful creations to be had when you visit XHale online.  Glenn and I are new to glass, but after this little encounter; there will surely be more glass toys to come.”
Glenn:  “This petite beauty is only 3 3/8” tall.  It has a very modest girth of not much more than an inch.  This is your starter butt plug model.  I’m like totally used to way bigger toys in my ass, but there is something about this stunning little number that makes it one of my favorites.  I feel all dressed up with this puppy pluggin my hole.  Maybe that’s because it’s art, baby.  All XHale art is individually handmade, which makes my insertable even more precious to me.  No one else in the world has exactly the same one as I.”
Hank:  “It sure is!  It also has this amazing blue and white swirl in the solid glass.  That’s why when Mister Twister joined our dildo and plug collection it was like a snowy dove trooping with crows.”
Glenn:  “There you go again!  Apparently you’ve got Romeo and Juliet on the brain.  But you’re right; Mister Twister is a jewel, that’s for sure.”
Hank:  “Because this is the highest quality glass, it will last a lifetime; ya just gotta treat it with care.”
Glenn:  “XHale helps you do that by providing a very sturdy black padded drawstring pouch to keep your insertable art safe from getting nicked or chipped.  But we think Mister Twister is so beautiful; when it’s not adorning my hole it is proudly placed on our mantle.”
Hank:  “And if you think that is gross, you don’t know squat about glass insertables.  You can clean this baby with simple soap and water; wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution; or sterilize in boiling water or the dishwasher.”
Glenn:  “You can use any sort of lube you want to with a glass object like this.  And a little goes a very long way.  For someone unfamiliar with a butt plug, this will take some getting use to.  It’s hard as a rock.  But once you get the hang of it, it will be your material of choice from there on out.  I can wear Mister Twister for hours on end.  There’s no chafing; nothing like that.”
Hank:  “And you can warm or chill glass for an added sensation.”
Glenn:  “Not all glass toys are made of the same quality glass.  But if you are considering a purchase, look for the name XHale.  You will not be disappointed.”
Hank:  “Glass, particularly stunning art glass like this, is gonna cost you.  But what thing of quality won’t?”
Glenn:  “If you know someone with an asshole and that person is very special; then Mister Twister is the ideal holiday gift for him or her.”

Denise

I have the pleasure of introducing you to a luscious little playmate, Sweet Pea, from a fantastic new company in British Columbia, Canada, Eros & Isis.  It’s such a rare find to discover a boutique adult products company.  I am so over the cookie-cutter, mass-produced stuff made of dubious materials that floods the marketplace.  How refreshing to discover a manufacturer with an environmental consciousness.  Long live Eros & Isis!

Sweet Pea is a petite, 3.5” x 2.5”, bulbous headed vibe made of 100% platinum silicone. It’s completely safe and non-toxic, which includes the natural mineral pigment embedded into the silicone to achieve the antique look of their toys.  It is meticulously sculpted, molded and cast by hand to appear as a turn of the century collectible.  It really is unique.  I haven’t seen its like anywhere else.

Sweet Pea features a removable one-speed bullet vibrator that can be replaced or upgraded to any bullet-style unit.  The bullet come packed with batteries, I’m happy to report.  So your first ride is on the house.  You can use Sweet Pea externally, but I prefer it as a pussy plug.  The sculpted base delivers delicious stimulation to my lips and clit.  And it is so soft and comfortable I can wear for an extended time. Very nice!

There’s a bit of a secret to removing bullet vibe from the base for cleanup or when you need to change the batteries.  Simply add a few drops of water-based lube between the vibe and the hole it’s in.  Remember only water-based lube on a beautiful silicone toy like this. Work the lube around a little; apply pressure to the base of the toy above the vibe and PRESTO!  The vibe pops out.

Sweet Pea is just one of the gorgeous Eros & Isis toys and each is available in Gold, Silver, and Jade.  The silicone makes the toys easy to clean with soap and water.  But it also can be sterilized in boiling water or in the dishwasher; sans the vibe, of course.

The packaging is minimal, which is fine.  However, there is one thing I would suggest.  I really believe they need to add some kind of label to their packaging that touts they very special nature of their toys — handmade, nontoxic, 100% premium silicone, etc.  I know you can read about these things on their site and in their beautiful downloadable catalogue.  (Which you absolutely must download!)  But I don’t think that’s nearly enough.  For example, if I were to give Sweet Pea as a gift, I would want the packaging to tell the lucky person I’m giving it to all about the marvelous qualities of this special toy.

Looking for a unique gift for someone very special?  Take my advice and shop at Eros & Isis.

Signature —— $55.00

Dixie:  “Here’s something refreshing, this ceramic textured dildo is handmade!  I’m so tired of mass-produced sex toys, aren’t you?   Oh to have something unique, something that is crafted not manufactured.”
Joy:  “Dixie is so right; I love knowing that no one else on the planet had precisely the same toy as we have.  Each Duncan Charles Designs piece is unlike any other.  In fact, it’s beautiful art.  And it is GREEN!”
Dixie:  “Signature has a food grade high-gloss coating that makes it as smooth as glass. But it is also textured, just the way we like it.  Despite it being ceramic, there is nothing fussy about this beauty.”
Joy:  “However, you will want to treat Signature with loving care, not because it’s fragile, but because it is a fine-looking sculpture.”
Dixie:  “Signature comes wrapped in a lovely lined ultrasuede pouch.  Ours is jet black, but it also comes in red.  It’s just under 8″ long and weighs in at just over 8 ounces.”
Joy:  “It has a rounded head on top of its scalloped shaft.  The ridges add immeasurable fun.  Because of the super high-gloss finish, we only had to use a little bit of lube.  And you can use any type of lube you want with this ceramic baby.”

Dixie:  “This dildo is designed for g-spot, clitoral or prostate massage.  Unlike most of the other G-spot stimulators that have a curve to them Signature is straight as an arrow.  And yet it is just as effective as the curved ones.”
Joy:  “I also really like the fact that I can warm and chill the Signature to suit my mood. You can chill it in the refrigerator for a few minutes or warm it by placing it under running hot water.”
Dixie:  “Clean up is easy with mild soap and warm water. You can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution too.  You can serialize it in boiling water for a minute or two, or pop it in the dishwasher with all your other fine china.”
Joy:  “Signature is so inexpensive considering what you get. — it’s a unique, multi-functional dildo, it’s a work of art, and it will never run out of batteries.”
Dixie:  “And, I might add, it’s GREEN.  Kudos Duncan Charles Designs!  Nothing to poison the environment or compromise your body’s health and wellbeing.  In short, Signature rocks my (our) box!”

Gina:  “You can understand my excitement when Kevin and I were chosen to review these beauties.  Just look at them!  I could hardly contain myself.”
Kevin:  “She gets that way sometimes.”
Gina:  “What, are you trying to say you didn’t cream your jeans at the thought of having one of this up your bum?”
Kevin:  “Oh I’m so BUSTED!”
Gina:  “There, I told you.”
Kevin:  “Gina’s right we both got a little moist at the thought of diddlin’ ourselves (and one another) with the likes of the Love Line.  She got the big one — 9″ tall x 1 5/8″ diameter, which stand on a flared base.”
Gina:  “And he got the petite one — 5″ tall x 1″ diameter, also with a flared base.”
Kevin:  “She used hers in her pussy, I used mine in my ass!”
Gina:  “It’s exactly like Jack Sprat and his wife, only completely different.”
Kevin:  “We no sooner got in the door when we dropped trou, whipped out the lube and had at it for our first go.”
Gina:  “The tiniest bit of lube, either water-based or silicone-based, makes these beautiful glass insertables super slick.”
Kevin:  “I love to watch Gina fuck herself with her toys.  I get so fuckin’ hot.  The Love Line glass made the experience almost psychedelic.  Once she got her rhythm, the 9” of super-smooth purple art plunged deeper into Gina with each stroke.  This drove her wild.  And, of course, I egged her on by making the most lewd comments I could think of.  ‘That’s it baby, stretch out that tiny little cunt of yours with that really big boy.’ ”
Gina:  “He does love his dirty talk.  I used to be so embarrassed when he would do that.  It sounded so crude.  Now turns me on.  See I’m growing!”
Kevin:  “Gina’s on her back, propped up by pillows.  I’m opposite her squatting till my ass lips come in contact with the glass.  It’s cool and my ass devours it.”
Gina:  “It’s true, without so much as a moment’s hesitation the petite pink plug disappears inside him.  He grins with amusement and spews more filthy talk.”
Kevin:  “I’ve taken bigger, but the hardness of the glass is a new sensation.  Oh, and by the way, this insertable can’t really be called a plug.  It’s a dildo.  A plug would have a notch just before the base that my sphincter would lock onto to hold it in place.”
Gina:  “I stand corrected.”
Kevin:  “I sure do hope Simply Blown does come out with a line of plugs.  Because I would love to wear one of these babies for a few hours.”
Gina:  “We both came watching each other pleasure ourselves.  I love to watch Kevin feed his behind.”
Kevin:  “Don’t you just love how she avoids calling my asshole an asshole?”
Gina:  “Sheesh!”
Kevin:  “On our next date with the Love Line we took our time.  We added some sensation play.  The Love Line, indeed all fine glass like this, can be heated and chilled.  We used both, a hot water bath in one bowl and an ice water bath in the other.  Going from hot to cold or cold to hot blew our minds.”
Gina:  “These toys are meant to shared.  Because glass is nonporous, cleaning and disinfecting is a snap.  Mild soap and water to clean; a 10% bleach solution, boiling or the dishwasher to disinfect.”
Kevin:  “On our next go at these lovelies; I got to try the big boy, the one Gina had first.  It took some time and some deep breathing but I did it.  Gina helped me relax.  And once I had the gape goin, she plugged my ass but good.”
Gina:  “He is an ass-slut, that’s for damn sure.  See I said ass!”
Kevin:  “Gina liked the petite dildo.  It was easier to hit her G-spot.”
Gina:  “I highly recommend the Love Line to anyone who is looking for the classic glass dildo.  You will not be disappointed.”
Kevin:  “And anyone out there still unsure about glass toys, if you buy quality, like the Simply Blown line, you have nothing to worry about.  But like all high-end toys you need to treat it right.  Care for it properly, and it will last a lifetime.”
Gina:  “Generally we are able include a retail price and a link to an online store with our reviews.  Unfortunately, we can’t do that this week. Simply Blown is so new a company that you’ll just have to contact them directly and ask for pricing.”

ENJOY

Denise

I’m in love with LELO!  I feel like I’ve scored the Review Crew jackpot with my IRIS.

I have the pleasure of introducing you to IRIS, the beautifully designed and multifunctional silicone vibrating dildo, I mean insertable…I mean pleasure object.  Sheesh! LELO is so freakin’ high-end that they’ve taken it upon themselves to euphemize their sex toys as pleasure objects.  I say; “a rose by any other name…”

I’ve never been one to buy into the hype about sex toys, especially hype generated by a toy’s manufacturer about its own products.  But somehow “pleasure object” fits in this case.   LELO spares no expense in treating their customers like we’re someone special.  I mean, everything from the stylish upscale (some would say overkill) packaging to the 1-year LELO warranty confidently states quality.  Is there another toy on the market that comes with a warranty?

IRIS comes in three appealing girly colors, mine is pink.  Judging just from the color palette this pleasure object is obviously part of LELO Femme line.  They also have their Homme line that features guy toys in guy colors.   I’m not so particular about color, but I’ll bet a man would be less inclined to buy an IRIS because of the color.  And that’s too bad, because this toy could easily be enjoyed by either gender or everyone in between.

IRIS is also rechargeable, so a big hurray for that!  A three-hour wall charge gives it up to five hours of power.  Mmmm!  And because it’s fully charged at the factory, you can start playing with the IRIS immediately.  Extra points for that!

(By the way, I’m trying to be as responsible as I can with my motorized toys.  Whenever possible I choose rechargeable.  When that’s not and option I always use rechargeable batteries.  To do less is a both expensive and decidedly un-GREEN.)

The insertable part of IRIS is made of firm high-grade silicone molded into a stylized (slightly curved) flower bud shape.  Very appealing!  I like a little texture to my dildos, so this is perfect for me.  And get this; there two separate motors in this baby — one in the shaft and one in the tip. These can be controlled separately or together.

Despite the two motors, the level of vibration can’t compare to a couple of other vibes I own.  That actually surprised me, because I was expecting the IRIS to jump out of my hand on the high speed. The sensations are pleasant enough, and I could easily distinguish between the vibrations produced in the shaft as opposed to those produced in the tip.  Just don’t expect it to knock your socks off.   The motors, however, are very quiet; a feature that is very important to me.  I hate it when a vibe sounds like a lawnmower.

You’ll probably want to use lube with IRIS, because she’s thicker than a lot of toys.  Be sure you use only a water-based lube on a beautiful silicone pleasure object like this.  Using a silicone-based lube will destroy IRIS.  Because of it’s length, the pleasure is deep as well as full.

The control button is lighted and it allows me to increase the intensity of vibrations as well as cycle through the five pulsation modes.  However, the controls in the handle aren’t particularly easy to adjust with lubed fingers.  This can be pretty frustrating.

Oh, and here’s something really important; IRIS is splash proof, not waterproof.  There is little rubber cover that protects the charging port from moisture.  But if you somehow get water in there, be sure to let the thing dry completely before you try to recharge.

Clean up is easy with mild soap and warm water. You can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution.

Besides the elegant gift box IRIS comes in, LELO also includes a satin pouch to keep her in between uses.  Now that’s thoughtful.

With proper care, IRIS will last a very long time.  It’s all quality all the time over there at LELO.  Undoubtedly, IRIS is pricey!  But in this case, you can be sure that you are getting your money’s worth.  This high-end product makes the perfect gift for someone special.  And since June is wedding month, why not put a smile on any brides face, and possibly every groom’s too.  Give the blushing couple a LELO instead of a toaster and you’ll shake things up a little.

Today we have something extraordinary indeed.

Over the last several months The Dr Dick Review Crew has had the pleasure of reviewing several exquisite high-end insertables made from some surprising materials. Among them — Pyrex glass, medical grade silicone, wood and even aircraft-quality spun aluminum.  Besides being fun and functional; each and every one of these lovelies is also an exceptional work of art.  Today we add porcelain to that list of exceptional materials.

Goldfrau — Miss Pink $240
Gina & Kevin introduce us to the Goldfrau .

Gina:  “If I were to try to design the perfect dildo, I couldn’t do better than this Australian company has done with their signature product — Goldfrau.  It’s simply perfect and perfectly simple.  It’s delightfully sensual; it’s beautiful art; it’s creatively innovative and it is GREEN!  I know I’m gushing, but my Goldfrau is stunning.”
Kevin:  “Gina’s right; I’m blown away too.”
Gina:  “I admit, at first I was a little skeptical. Porcelain is ceramic, of course, and all I could think of was how fragile that would make it.  I had the vision of a fine porcelain doll in mind.  I was oh so wrong.  After a little research, I discovered that stoneware ceramics, like this, are exceptionally durable and versatile.   There are ceramic knives, ceramic engines parts and the space shuttle’s exterior is made of ceramic tiles.”
Kevin:  “The ceramic used in crafting the Goldfrau will not chip, crack, or break under normal use.  And you’re gonna want to treat this baby with loving care, not because it’s fragile, but because it is a stunning work of art”
Gina:  “Check this out!  The Goldfrau comes wrapped in this handsome lined soft leather pouch that just screams elegance.  The Miss Pink Goldfrau I have is cream-colored porcelain with an intricate lavender lace pattern on it. The shaft is absolutely smooth and it’s just a tad short of 9″ long.  It has a real nice heft to it too; nearly 10 ounces.”
Kevin:  “It’s shaped like a baseball bat with a rounded handle, which makes for easy handling even when lubed.  We discovered that a little lube went a very long way.  And you can use any type of lube you want with this porcelain beauty.”
Gina:  “Here’s a really neat feature I discovered. Despite the straight shaft, the Goldfrau is perfect for G-spot stimulation.  It’s odd, because most of the other G-spot stimulators I’ve seen or used have a curve to them. The Goldfrau does not.”
Kevin:  “Yeah, I feel confident using this thing on Gina without fear of injuring her.  Those curved dildos can sometime get turned around in her pussy and when the curve is pointing opposite to the G-spot that can hurt.”
Gina:  “I also really like the fact that I can warm and chill the Goldfrau to suit my mood.  It’s very easy to do.  You can chill it in the refrigerator for a few minutes or warm it by running hot water over it.”
Kevin:  “And it changes temperature very quickly.  So get this, one evening I blindfolded Gina and restrained her spread-eagle on the bed.  I had a bowl of ice water and a bowl of hot water next to the bed.  I teased and tormented her clit and pussy with surprises in varying temperatures.  She got so wet I had to get down on all fours and lap up all her sweet juices.  And you can use either end of the Goldfrau for wicked pleasure”
Gina:  “I have to admit, not knowing what was coming next — cold or hot drove me wild.  I was so totally turned on.  And I don’t think I ever lubricated that much in my life.  My man knows how to push my buttons.”
Kevin:  “While we were doing this hot/cold thing I made up a story about an beautiful Chinese princess who had been abducted by a cruel warlord and was being tortured into submission.  The warlord would fuck the princess wildly with an exquisite…wait for it…ancient porcelain dildo.”
Gina:  “As you can see, Kevin’s been reading too much erotica. But I did love his story.  And being blindfolded and restrained only intensified the experience.”
Kevin:  “Hey, there’s no such thing as too much erotica.”
Gina:  “You’re right, hon; you can tell me dirty stories anytime.  Just make sure the Goldfrau is near at hand.  I also want to mention that the Goldfrau, I guess because of its heft, fills me up more than it’s girth would suggest.”
Kevin:  “Ya know what?  I think the Goldfrau people should work on developing a similar porcelain toy just for us ass-centric men.  I mean a guy could use one of these on himself to great effect.  I’m just thinking something more along the lines of a hefty porcelain butt plug would totally rock.”
Gina:  “Clean up is easy with mild soap and warm water. You can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution too.  You can serialize it in boiling water for a minute or two, or pop it in the dishwasher with all your other fine china.”
Kevin:  “Guys, if you want to show your Valentine just how special she is; the Goldfrau is the idea gift.  It’s a little pricey, but you know your gal is worth it.  Besides, you’ll not find its equal anywhere else.”
Gina:  “And gals, if you buy only one new pleasure instrument this year; make sure it is a Goldfrau.  You will forever thank me for this tip; I promise.”

ENJOY

Karen:  “This is so cool.  I’m a big tea drinker.  Never been one for coffee, but I do know my teas.  And since I’m a naturally hyper kinda gal, I try to avoid caffeine as much as possible.  These teas are delicious and they are herbal.”
Jack:  “I, on the other hand, am not a big tea drinker, but I agree; these teas are good.  There’s an earthiness to them that I really liked.
Karen:  “First up today is My Maple Cookie.  I love it; what a name. This tea is a unique blend of premium herbs specially formulated to change the female genitalia and male semen to smell and taste like maple cookies.  How fun is that?”
Jack:  “Who would have guessed something like this was even possible.  I have to admit, it’s the damnedest thing.  Karen and I shared the tin of 12 tea bags over a 10 day period.  We both noticed a difference in the way we smelled and tasted.  Don’t get me wrong; I love the natural taste of she and me, but this is way fun.”
Karen:  “Jack’s right.  Although, I sometimes find his cum to be kind of acrid. My Maple Cookie
Jack:  “I like the taste of my own jizz.  I never find it acrid.  But I don’t taste it every day.  So I bow to Karen’s critique.”
Karen:  “The Intimate Teas website suggests pouring 8 ounces of hot water over a tea bag and let steep for 5 minutes.  Then gently squeeze the tea bag to let the active ingredients fully release into the water.  You may remove tea bag or allow to stay in water for stronger tea.”
Jack:  “This tea is not a miracle worker.  It won’t cover a multitude of sins.  Hell, even I know to avoid some foods like onions and garlic, a lot of booze and, of course, smoking, if you want your spunk to taste sweeter.” changed that in just two days.

Screaming O 12 bags — $32.00

Jack:  “Next up we have Screaming O tea.  The Intimate Teas people get high marks for the clever names and the packaging.”
Karen:  “They sure enough do!  This tea is a premium blend of unique herbs made to increase sexual passion in both women and men.  It is supposed to be an aphrodisiac, sexual stimulant and it’s supposed to intensify orgasms.”
Jack:  “That’s what it says on the website.  I was dubious…at first.  I figured, I already have intense orgasms, do I really need to improve on that…even if it’s possible?”
Karen:  “Things are much different for us gals, but I think you know that already.  I felt like the tea really did stimulate me.  And maybe it was only wishful thinking, but I felt my orgasms intensified too.”
Jack:  “Again, I defer to my lovely wife.  One thing for sure; this tea is a stimulant.  The first time I had this tea was near bedtime.  I thought, a nice cup of warm tea will make me sleep like a baby.  NOT!  I tossed and turned all night long.  But I did have a raging boner in the morning.  I don’t know if those two thing are connected, but they did follow one after the other.”
Karen:  “Kevin and I split the 12 tea bags between us, like the My Maple Cookie tea.  I didn’t drink my tea at bedtime, so I couldn’t corroborate Kevin’s story.”
Jack:  “I say, if you’re feelin’ a little pookie in the libido department, give this tea a try.  I suspect you will be pleasantly surprised.
Karen:  “That goes double for the women in our audience.  And these teas come in these charming little tins.  They make perfect gifts any time of the year, but especially during the holidays.”

ENJOY