Sexercise ME

Sexerciseball (alone)    $79.00

Micka Butt Plug (package)    $169.00

Precious (package)        $169.00

Hey Sex Fans!

Ya know what I like?  I like it when someone has the balls to put novel back into novelty.   That’s what I like.  And boy-oh-boy have I discovered a truly novel novelty.

Allow me to introduce you to the Sexerciseball.  I mean really, who woulda thunk?  Apparently the good people at SexerciseMe (those wacky folks from down under) have the BALLS…literally and figuratively.

Anyone who has spent even a few hours in a gym in the past 10 years will immediately recognize sexerciseball.jpgthe Sexerciseball…well at least the big round ball part of it.  That’s right, it’s one of them blasted exercise thingies that your personal trainer makes you do crunches on and leg lifts with.

If you’ve actually been forced to use one of these muthers, ya know to tone your abs and tighten you ass, as I have.  Then you’ll appreciate the subversively clever re-purposing of this torture device into an apparatus of sheer pleasure.

My hat is off to the folks at SexerciseMe.  I was just thinking to myself, what kind of a feverishly demented mind conjure up a clever concept like this?  One thing for sure, the mind that was responsible for this wasn’t focused on his/her exercises, that’s for damned sure.

I wonder, was he/she sweating his/her tits off, workin’ her glutes or his abs when the ta-daa moment hit?  How deliciously perverse!  Regardless how it happened, we are all the happy beneficiaries.

So here’s the lowdown.  The Sexerciseball is an actual anti-burst 65cm exercise ball, just like the ones you find in the gym.  It even has decals on it demonstrating some of the swell exercises you can do with it.  But this particular ball has a secret compartment.  The compartment is cleverly disguised by a color-coded screw cap that will fool everyone into thinking you’ve finally gotten serious about fitness.  But the joke’s will be on them, don’t cha know!

Unscrew the cap and replace it with one of the four available vibrating sex toys and you got yourself a top shelf pleasure provider.  So that when you play, alone or with others, you’ll have that all-important “bounce that counts” that will add to the fun.

Dr Dick had the pleasure of testing two of the available vibrating sex toys — The Micka Butt Plug and Precious.  Not one to hog all the fun for myself, I decided to share my good fortune with a friend.  Brad is a personal trainer with a knockout body and a wicked sense of humor.  He took to the Sexerciseball like a pig to shit!

In fact, Brad was so eager to take the Micka Butt Plug for a ride, that he didn’t let me finish micka-with-package.jpgpointing out all the joys to be had.  Ok, I thought to myself, let’s do it his way.  I screwed the Micka Butt Plug attachment into the ball and stood back.  Brad’s muscled ass devoured the plug and he began to bounce and wiggle.

What Brad didn’t know was that the Mika vibrates and I held the wireless remote control in my hand.  While he was distracted grinding his ass cheeks into the ball, I hit the “on” button.  I though Brad was gonna go through the roof.  He let out a yelp and flew off the ball.  He tumbled to the floor, his gym shorts in a twist around his ankles.  It was hysterical.  I figured this was pay back time for all the torture he puts his clients through on regular exercise ball.

Once Brad knew the sucker vibrated he was ready for another go.  Only this time he held the remote control.  It was a sight to behold.  I just sat there in utter amazement as this hunky stud got his freak on.  He rotated through the 6 vibe and pulse modes and groaned with mounting lust.  Then shot a wad of spunk over his shoulder and on to the oriental carpet.  DAMN that was amazing!  But who’s gonna clean that up?

Precious was next.  There was no way I was gonna sit down on the 6×5 cock shaped dildo, because I didn’t have to and no one was gonna make me.  So there!

However, using one of the decal exercise diagrams on the ball as an example, I laid down on my precious-with-package-v2.jpgback with the ball between me and the wall.  I wrapped my legs around the ball, lifted the ball and positioned Precious so it landed on my taint (perineum) just behind my balls.  I flipped on the remote and worked the vibrator through its 6 different vibe/pulse modes.  Using my legs, I was able to roll the ball down and closer, then up and farther away.  I squeezed my legs together with Precious between my manly thighs and enjoyed the show.

I discovered that by doing this I was working my PC muscles, which is a bonus.  I figure, if you can get some health benefits with your diddle, it’s better than diddling without!

I tried several other positions before returning to the original, on my back, position for the big finish.  In no time at all I was to the point of no return, so I just let loose and had a heart-thumping orgasm.  Luckily, I had the good sense to put down a towel before I started so that I would spare my carpet another indignity.

One of the really great things about the Sexerciseball is that it’s so freakin versatile.  And two can play just as well as one.

Brad and I both enjoyed ourselves immeasurably.  He was certain he’d invest in a Sexerciseball for use with his “private” personal training clients.  I can see it all now!

newvibratoroffer.jpg

To wrap thing up I want to give you a heads-up on some important details.

  • If you decide to purchase one of these marvels, look for the package deals.  They are your best buy option.  The packages come with the insert of your choice and everything else (including the ball) that you’ll need.
  • Happily, your first ride is FREE!  A set of batteries is included when you buy a package deal.
  • I still suggest that you stock up on batteries, because you’re gonna need ‘em. You’re gonna have so much fun, you’ll need to replace the 5 AAA batteries regularly.  And here’s a tip:  don’t leave the battery pack in the vibrator insert between play sessions.  The batteries will go dead over night if you do.
  • Use only water-based lube in your play.
  • Be careful — things will get mighty slippery once you get the lube goin’.  If you lose your balance on the ball and one of the inserts is up your ass or in your pussy, you could get hurt.
  • Inserts are made of Thermal Plastic Rubber, which is odorless, hygienic and phthalate free.
  • The inserts are NOT immersible. But clean up is easy with soap and warm water.

Remember, the vibrating inserts can be used independently of the ball, which doubles their versatility.  Of course, the ball can be used as a stand-alone exercise ball too.  But who in the world would want to do that.  I mean, if your personal trainer isn’t forcing you to do it; why bother, right?  😉

Finally, you know how I always give extra points to products that are cleverly designed.  This Aussie invention gets those extra points for sure.  But I’m also gonna add even more points because they’ve gone out of their way to create a sex toy that you can hide in plain site.  And that, sex fans, makes my day.

ENJOY

WE-Vibe

WE-Vibe ——  $129.95

Hey Sex Fans,

Allow me to introduce you to Gina, the newest member of Dr Dick’s Product Review Crew. She’s 24,d232.jpg she’s smart as a whip and she’s working on her master’s degree in social work. She’s vivacious, outgoing, fun loving and charming as all get-out. She describes herself as a sex-positive feminist, but she also confesses to being somewhat shy and not all that knowledgeable about sexual things.” “I guess I’m your average recovering Catholic girl who knows there a whole world out there just waiting to be discover.”

Gina comes to us by way of my friend Kevin. Do you remember Kevin? He helped me review the Aneros products some weeks back. (Look for “Kevin” in the Category Section) In fact, that’s how Gina and I first met. She was totally blown away when Kevin, rather nonchalantly, turned her on to my site and the review. Unbeknownst to her, her straight-as-an-arrow BF lost his ass cherry the day he helped me with that review. Apparently, this was his way of signaling Gina that he was up for trying new things, so to speak. Well, I guess that’s one way of doing it!

Gina told me she was floored when she read the review. She knew Kevin was more sexually adventurous than she, but this came as a complete surprise nonetheless. She also confessed to being a bit envious of his daring and more than a little turned on by his newly found pleasure center in his bum.

Once I knew Gina was game for a little experimentation herself, I knew I had found just the right person (couple) to review the ever-so-popular WE-Vibe. She and Kevin graciously accepted my invitation and off they went to “work” on their review.

Before we hear back from the two lovebirds, let’s take a closer look at this amazing device.

To say the WE-Vibe is unique is an understatement. It’s downright revolutionary. This insertable vibrator, crafted of medical grade silicone (no phthalates), is the first of its kind G-spot stimulator that can actually be used while fucking. That’s right, you heard me! The WE-Vibe is hands free, strap free and wireless! Once in place this discreet little wonder (3.25 inches long and 1 inch wide, weighing only 2 ounces) creates both internal and external stimulation during partner play; so both partners will experience the thrill, don’t cha know.

we-vibe-hands-free-dual-vibrator.jpgThis is such a big deal for Dr Dick because I am forever hearing from women who are not receiving nearly enough stimulation during the old in and out. Their partners, of course, get off big time; but they are often left unsatisfied. They’re timid about stimulating themselves during the hump and they would never think of incorporating a traditional sized vibrator for fear it might alienate their man. It breaks my heart to hear stuff like that, but I do understand their predicament.

Now, thanks to the WE-Vibe, women folk don’t have to settle for less than the stimulation they want and need. Nor will they need to incorporate an invasive vibrator to get it. The We-Vibe is soft, waterproof and conforms to the female shape, making it comfortable and easy to use. It also has two speeds. And like I said, the men folk will really get off on it too. It’s a win-win situation all-round!

There’s one more terrific feature I want to point out before we get back to Gina and Kevin. The We-Vibe is rechargeable! I don’t know about you, but I await the day when all toys are rechargeable. Since I’ve started doing these reviews, my battery budget has gone through the roof. Naturally I am worried about the expense, but my overriding concern is for the environment. All these dead batteries are downright wasteful, as well as being a pollutant. It’s enough to give Al Gore (and me) a freakin coronary. A word to all toy manufactures — DO THE GREEN THING; make your products rechargeable!

I next see Gina and Kevin a week after our last meeting. Both of them sport one of those goofy freshly-fucked smiles. They can’t keep their hands off one another as they squirm and coo to each other on my couch. I’d like to just slap them both! One look at their faces and I know the We-Vibe played a big part in putting those ridiculous grins on their faces.

Dr Dick: “So kids, how was it? Or do I even need to ask?”
Gina: “It was great, Dr Dick! We had a ball. We used the WE-Vibe several times. And each time was wonderful.”
Dr Dick: Ya don’t say! “Ok, then walk me through it, as it were.”
Kevin: “We wanted to jump right in there just as soon as we got home after you gave us the toy.”
Gina: “Yeah, but then we read the instructions and discovered you have to charge the internal battery for 24 hrs first.”
Dr Dick: “That must have been a let down.” I add. They both agree.

Apparently this 24 hr hiatus only stoked the fires of their youthful ardor. Cum the next day, there was no holding back.

Gina: “We also learned another important lesson in our rush to get the fun started. You see these little dimples on the bottom here? They are the on/off/2-speed switches. We discovered that they are almost impossible to manipulate once the WE-Vibe is lubed up and in place.”
Dr Dick: “Ahhh, good point! So what did you do?”
Kevin: “Basically, we had to start over. I have to tell you; this wasn’t doing anything for my hardon. Gina removed the thing from her vagina; we wiped off the lube, turned the thing on; added more lube and reinserted.”
Dr Dick: “You guys are fuckin’ rocket scientists! So then what?”
Gina: “We had great sex!” Some of the best sex ever. I know we were like all primed for a real good go, but the WE-Vibe was amazing. I was more easily orgasmic with this thing inside me. And it’s so quiet; even on the high speed.”
Kevin: “I really got off on it too.” It was such a unique sensation. My cock was being stimulated while inside Gina. “I could feel it all the way in my balls. It was awesome!”
Dr Dick: Never fear, my dear, you secrets are safe with me. I mean, who would I tell anyway?”
Gina: “Since the WE-Vibe is waterproof we tried it another time in the bath.”
Kevin: “Yeah, that was hot.”
Dr Dick: “Ya don’t say!”
Kevin: “Yeah, I really got off on doin’ it doggie style. That was the best for me!”
Gina: “Hey, I thought we weren’t going to get too specific.”

We were winding up our debriefing session when Kevin spoke up.we-vibe-flexible-dual-action-vibrator.jpg

Kevin: “Actually we have one more thing to report.”
Dr Dick: “Really? Do tell.”
Gina: “This is so embarrassing.”
Kevin: “It is not. It’s perfectly normal.”
Dr Dick: “OK kids, out with it!”
Gina: “After our third use together, Kevin rolled over on his side and asked me if I would mind him using the WE-Vibe himself. At first I didn’t get it. I thought he wanted to share OUR toy with someone else. I think he noticed the disappointed look on my face and said; ‘What?’”
Kevin: “Yeah, it was at that moment that I realized Gina didn’t have a clue. So I had to spell it out for her. I told her that I wanted to use the WE-Vibe in my ass.”
Gina: “I didn’t know what to say. I was flabbergasted. He told me that he never had anything that vibrated in his bottom and he wanted to see how that felt.”
Kevin: “I’m sure I said my ass; not my ‘bottom’.”
Gina: “Whatever! At any rate, I stammered my way to ‘OK, I guess so!’ And that’s all it took. In a flash Kevin disappeared into the bathroom with the WE-Vibe. He cleaned it up with some soap and water and was back in bed before I knew it. You want me to stay while you do it?”
Kevin: “Of course I did! I wanted her to stay; in fact I wanted her to join in. This took some negotiation, but I finally got my way.”
Dr Dick: “You men are all alike!”
Gina: “As it turns out, I wasn’t freaked out at all. In fact, I got so turned on by watching him squirm with pleasure. He wanted me to stick a finger in his bottom. And I even did that. I don’t think we had ever been closer.”
Kevin: “While I was laying on my back with the WE-Vibe in my ass, I had a raging boner. Gina was right there fingering me and she was wet like crazy. So I told her to get on top of me. She rode my cock like there was no tomorrow.”
Gina: “It’s true; it was totally wild. I swear I could feel the vibration with him inside me.”
Kevin: I love her for helping me out, for being so understanding, for indulging me my little kink.”

Well there you have it, sex fans. Thanks to Gina and Kevin we discover that the WE-Vibe is a whole lot more versatile than we first thought. Kudos to both my reviewers for being so creative, open-minded and for their ability to see pleasurable potential where no one had looked before.

ENJOY

Aneros – Helix, MGX, Progasm

Hey Sex Fans!

If you’re a guy (or you know someone who is) and you have a butt hole (or the guy you know has one), I’ve got some swell news for YOU! I want to introduce you to three hands-free prostate and perineum massagers that have cum my way. I haven’t been this excited (literally and figuratively) about a line of adult products in a very long time.

Finally, someone got it right! The first thing I want to say about these Aneros products is they areb750.jpg designed and developed by folks who are as serious about prostate health as they are about prostate pleasure. Listen, I’m all in favor of toys that have no other purpose than to dispense a good dose of the jollies. But if a fella can pleasure himself AND do himself some good health-wise…all at the same time; well that just about beats the pants off diddlin’ just for fun.

Before we get down to actually landin’ these babies where the sun don’t shine; I have some general comments to make. Each Aneros product has a unique shape. And there’s a shape for every anal-pleasure experience level — from rank amateur to professional butt pirate.

They’re made of firm, durable, non-toxic plastic. They clean up in a jiffy. Warm water and a mild detergent do just fine. You can also sterilize them by dropping ‘em in boiling water for a couple of minutes. Hell, ya can even pop ‘em in the dishwasher too. What could be easier?

They have an ergonomic elegance about them. They actually remind me of a finely crafted medical device. No surprise there, I suppose; since each Aneros massager is the product of years of research and development. And just so you don’t think I’m pullin’ your leg — these are the only medically patented prostate massagers on the market.

Their Zen-like simplicity is a marvel in and of itself. There are no batteries to wear down, no wires to fumble with. These beauties works their magic in harmony with your body’s own movements. Just lifting or repositioning your leg, tensing your PC muscle, or rolling on your side will stimulate and invigorate your prostate and perineum in a slightly different way. It’s truly amazing. I discovered that if I did a few crunches while my Aneros massager was lodged within; what was previously a workout drudgery became a tingly delight.

Since I had three Aneros products to review, I decided to share the wealth, so to speak. I wanted to find three uninhibited men who were up for an afternoon of prostate pleasuring. I apparently know the right kind of guys, because the very first three fellas I invited jumped at the opportunity. And best of all, we covered the spectrum of anal play experience.

I told my visitors that we had one simple task — to agree or disagree with the Aneros claim that their stimulators increase one’s sexual performance and stamina, facilitate a stronger erection and enhance orgasmic pleasure. Before we set to work, however, I had to remind my friends that we gathered together and dropped our drawers purely in the name of science. So I insisted that they wipe those stupid grins off their faces right away! 😉

Kevin — single, straight, 25 — was the youngest and least experienced among us. (He’s never had more than a finger in his ass.) He chose the Aneros MGX as his challenge. Despite it’s modest girth, he was still a bit apprehensive.

Glenn — partnered, gay, 33 — was the most experienced among us. He’s pretty smug about his talented ass and proudly identifies himself as a power-bottom extraordinaire. Initially he scoffed at all three stimulators. “Shit, I could take all three of them at once!” He proclaimed. I handed him the Aneros Progasm, the largest stimulator of the bunch, and told him to park his famous ass and shut his pie hole for the time being.

Carlos — married, “mostly straight,” 46 — has experimented with a couple of anal toys and would like to do more. He wants to get his wife involved too. However, he’s been having some prostate problems lately, so he was unsure how helpful he’d be. He got the Aneros Helix.

We shared our initial reactions to each product — how they looked and felt in our hand. We talked about what our expectations were, if any. We took note of the different shapes and the configuration of the Perineum Tab and K-Tab on each.

  • I gotta tell ya, we all were stumped by the K-Tab reference. I actually had to go to the Aneros website for an explanation. “Kundalini or “K-Tab” is supposed to add sensations up and down your spine similar to the sensations you’re feeling through your prostate.” Ok, the “Kundalini” reference is way too esoteric for me. I realize this is some kind of tantric reference, but please! Basically the K-Tab hits below your tailbone or coccyx. Sheesh!

c771.jpgNow that my guests and I are all comfortable and naked; the fun begins in earnest. Kevin realizes that he’s gonna need lube to insert his MGX. (Actually everyone needs lube for ass play of any kind. But ya’ll know that already, huh?) Unfortunately, Kevin was using a dainty amount of lube right on his pucker. I guess he thought that was gonna do the trick. He was oh so wrong! Listen up; ya gotta lube the whole chute, don’t cha’ know.

Glenn leaned over with one of the Marksman water-based lube shooters that came with the Aneros stimulators. He showed Kevin how to pop the top, insert the shooter stem to deep-lube his hole. “Ahhh, much better!” Kevin proclaimed. On his side with his lower leg straight and his upper leg cocked to his stomach, he tired to insert the MGX. But failed. I think he was pretty nervous and there was a fair amount of performance anxiety goin’ on too. It didn’t help that, we his audience, were looking on with great anticipation.

Carlos reached over and held Kevin’s upper leg, so he wouldn’t have to tense to hold the position. Then he said; “relax and breathe deep.” Kevin’s next try was successful. As soon as the MGX slipped into place, with its head knockin’ on his prostate, Kevin’s eyes rolled back in his head and he let out a whimper. “Damn! Holy Shit!”

Kevin was a little nervous about lowering his leg, because that movement slightly altered the position of the MGX. Each time he moved, he got a jolt of pleasure. Finally, he was able to roll on to his back and lowered his leg. I told him to do some Kegel exercises. “Tighten your P.C. muscle (like you would if your were trying to stop the flow of pee) and hold that contraction for a slow count of 3. Then relax. Next, contract and relax your P.C. muscle as rapidly as you can — like a flutter.”

Kevin was oozing precum like there was no tomorrow. He had a rock-hard hardon. Ok, so he’s 25, all his boners are rock-hard. He did say, however, that he was afraid to touch his cock, because he thought he’d shoot his load for sure if he did. And he didn’t want to cum right away. He wanted to ride all these new sensations he was having.

Carlos was next. He popped the top and administered his Marksman lube shooter like a pro. His previous experience with ass toys insured an effortless insertion. Maybe because of his enlarged prostate, the Helix hit home with a bang…as it were, and it took his breath away.

Carlos admitted that the experience was right on the edge of being uncomfortable at first. I reminded him that the good people at Aneros suggest that everyone take his time to acquaint his butt with one of their stimulators. “Ya gotta be patient, darlin’!” I insisted. “Your body needs a chance to get familiar with its new friend.”

Carlos worked through the initial discomfort with deep breathing, Kegels and yankin’ on his balls to move the sexual energy around. He too had a powerful hardon and more than the usual amount of precum. This surprised him. Because of his enlarged prostate, Carlos found that he needed to take a break and remove the Helix every once in a while. This was fine with him, because reinserting it was so much fun.

While Carlos and Kevin were riding their stimulators, Glenn was preparing himself for disappointment. He was sure his Progasm was gonna be a bust. He put on a cockring, because he assumed he would need one. No “little” insertable was gonna challenge his pro-hole or give him wood either…or so he thought.

Glenn’s poop chute devoured the Progasm like it was a snack. It slipped into place with an audible pop. We all giggled like schoolgirls. Sure enough, the girth of the Progasm was like playing house for him. What Glenn didn’t count on was the P-Tab and the K-Tab. These little numbers made all the difference in the world. None of his other ass toys had anything like this.

When Glenn could finally admit that bigger isn’t always better, he realized the potential of the Progasm. As every power- bottom will tell you — the secret to enjoying a big toy and/or a ferocious fuck is pelvic muscle control. If you keep your muscles (including your PC muscle) in tip-top shape, a wealth of pleasure awaits you. If you go loose in the caboose…so to speak, you pay the price in pleasure and sphincter control.

While the Progasm didn’t come close to “filling him up,” it did hit the spot. The P-Tab and the K-Tab riveted the Progasm head to his prostate while adding the additional stimulation of his “taint” (perineum) and spine. This was all new territory for Glenn. He found that he had to work at tightening his PC muscle around the more modestly sized Progasm shank. This exercised his muscles more; delivering more pleasure.

Glenn had to remove his cockring because his wood was gettin’ too intense. “Ok, I’m a believer. This thing is pretty fuckin’ amazing! I’m sold, big time!”

Our afternoon session ended in an explosive manner. After only 20 minutes with his MGX, Kevin couldn’t stand it any longer and popped a wad that hurled well over his shoulder. We all cheered him on as he writhed in delicious agony. (Funny how pleasure and pain register as the same on one’s face.) He pulled the plug from his ass and fought to catch his breath. As his dick softened it continued to dribble spooge into a pool near his navel. “This thing rocks!”

Carlos decided to finish himself off without the Helix in place. He said he liked the butt play a lot; it just became too intense as he neared orgasm. He finally gave up his spunk in three waves of bliss. He was surprised at the amount of cum he produced. He figured it was the prostate massage that milked more cum out of him. However, he reported that his prostate was very tender after the orgasm. He though he needed to take more time with the Helix or maybe try the MGX next time.

Meanwhile, Glenn was edging — playing with his sexual tension as he jerked off. He would come right up to the point of ejaculating, and then he’d suddenly let go of his dick. Its hardness would slap against his belly. When the urge to cum subsided he’d start to handle himself again. He said he could usually delay his ejaculation for an hour doing this. Not today, though. The Progasm altered his edging performance and brought him closer to cuming more frequently, until he finally let fly. He said edging usually makes for a more intense orgasm, but this time, with the Progasm pluggin his happy hole, he felt several mini orgasmic quakes before the big one hit. “Like I said, I’m sold!”

As my guests lay spent on the floor, I asked them to rate their particular Aneros product, on a scale of 1-10 — 10 being the highest. Kevin gave his MGX a 10.0. He was gonna go online and buy his own just as soon as he got home. Glenn was happy to be proven wrong. He gave the Progasm a 8.5. He thought he’d probably buy his own, as well. He asked if he could borrow the MGX for his partner, who never bottoms, to try. Carlos rated the Helix at 9.0, but his experience at 8.0. Like he said, I need more time to work with one of these things on my sensitive prostate. He wanted to introduce his wife to the concept and asked if he could borrow the Helix for some homework.

As for me, I tried all three stimulators, I found the Helix fit me best. I sympathized with Carlos and the trouble he has with his enlarged prostate. I know the feeling. Lots of men our age and older are similarly troubled. However, I am discovering that a regular routine of Aneros prostate massage therapy is making a big difference. It’s assisting me in achieving better pelvic muscle tone and increasing oxygen-rich blood flow. This is reducing the size of my prostate and making my erections firmer. Firmer erections mean more sensitivity. And greater sensitivity means more pleasure. It’s a win-win situation all around.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a fierce advocate for prostate self-awareness. At the risk of generalizing from my experience, I’d say there’s a very good chance that regular use of an Aneros stimulator will facilitate prostate health and vitality in most men. And a healthy prostate, increased blood flow and added muscle control are the kingpins of powerful orgasms, rejuvenated sexual ability, and stamina, as well as a stiffer cock. So, like I said; “if a fella can pleasure himself AND do himself some good health-wise…all at the same time; well that just about beat the pants off just diddlin’ just for fun.”

ENJOY!

Turbo Stroker

Hey sex Fans!

We need to get one thing straight from the get-go.  This product is not a penis pump even though the website suggest that it is!

I know a little something about penis pumps.  Penis pumps are my friends.  But this, sir, is no penis pump! 

Ok, then what the hell is it?  So glad you asked.  This here is a glorified masturbator.  And I do mean glorified, because is has these bells and whistles that are supposed to make strokin’ your dick more of a mind-bending pleasure.  Alas, I’m afraid that the Stroker is only partially successful in fulfilling that goal.

The Waterproof Turbo Stroker ($89.00) is a handsome lookin’ device — nice appealing shape, sleek lines.  It even has four LED lit buttons at the top of the cylinder that indicates the varying vibration speeds and amount of stroking action.  This has such an appealing look, if your left it out on your kitchen counter top, everyone would think it was one of those handy little blender/mixers that are all the rage these days.

Here’s what I like about the Waterproof Turbo Stroker besides its appearance.

  1. I liked the phthalates free silicone sleeve.  It was snug on my dick and the beaded surface was a nice little bonus.  However, if I think the folks who designed the Stroker should have made the cylinder and insert longer.  Anyone with more than an average endowment will feel cramped.  I know I did.  And I ain’t no king kong, if ya catch my drift.
  2. I really liked the way the device disassembles for easy cleaning.  You can pop the cylinder and insert in the dishwasher for effortless clean up.
  3. I liked that the top of the Stroker unscrewed for easy battery replacement.  One can easily take out the battery pack when the device is not in use.  This will increase the life of the batteries (4-AA, not included).
  4. The vibrating action is only pretty ok, but nothing to write home about.  What one does get is a lot of noise.  This is where it really resembles a kitchen gadget.

Here’s what I didn’t like about the Waterproof Turbo Stroker.

  1. The stroking action is a joke!  In fact, there’s no real stroking going on here at all.  There is this little plunger type thing that comes down from the top of the unit, which makes this pathetic up-and-down motion that sort of jiggles the silicone sleeve a bit.  At all three speeds the “action” was way more annoying then it was erotic.
  2. If ya try to use both the vibration and the “stroking” action at the same time and at the highest speeds, it sounds like it’s gonna take off.  Better get some ear plugs!
  3. This thing is very expensive considering how ineffective it is.
  4. I thought the manufacturer should have included the first set of batteries.  I wouldn’t have had to scramble all over the house to find 4-AA batteries just to do the review.

In the end, since I had my dick in the thing and the thing was in my hand, I decided to turn off the stroking action (completely useless) and use only the first speed on vibration action (so I could hear myself think dirty thoughts) and leisurely stroked myself as nature intended.  It was a pleasant enough experience; not fabulous, but pleasant enough.  I kept thinking, I wonder if I could whip eggs with this thing.

If you want to know the truth, and I think you should…once I finished testing the Stroker for this review, I shut the thing off.  I took the silicone sleeve off the cylinder, held the sleeve in my hand and reinserted my willie.  Ahhh, much better!  I finished my leisurely stroking session using only my hand and the sleeve.  And ya know what?  It was the best part of the whole experience.

There are plenty of other much cheaper alternatives to the Waterproof Turbo Stroker in the marketplace…maybe not as pretty, but definitely less expensive.  If I were to advise the manufacturer I’d suggest they keep the swell design, lose the “stroking action,” improve on the vibrating action and make it a whole lot more quiet.  Then they’d have a really great product.

Fleshlight, FleshJack

FleshJack Ice—— $69.95

So sex fans, I suppose ya’ll all know that the Fleshlight has been around for several years now, right? Good, I figured you would’ve noticed. I mean a person can hardly visit a sex related site these days without seeing one of their fetching ads. I realize that I’m a Johnny-cum-lately with my review, but like my momma always used to say — “all good things come to those who wait”.

Like you, I’ve seen the Fleshlight around for years.  And because of that I convinced myself I knewproduct_aajack_440.jpg everything there was to know about the device. After all, I visited their websites loads of times. I watched their beautifully produced and very sexy mini-movies (more times than I care to say). And I even interviewed a bunch of satisfied customers. I confess, even though I never actually held a Fleshlight in my hand, I imagined I knew everything there was to know about a Fleshlight. I mean hey, it’s not like I never used a masturbator before. How different could this one be?

Well, so much for baseless assumptions.

Imagine my surprise when my very own personal FleshJack Ice showed up on my doorstep. I discovered that just about everything I thought I knew about this marvel didn’t even come close to the real thing. Until I had one of my own to fondle and probe…if ya catch my drift, I was clueless. It’s true what they say; this is the granddaddy of male stimulators. But you really shouldn’t take my word for it.

My initial piece of advice to everyone in my audience is; don’t be a smug jerk like me. That’s right! If you’ve never had your grubby paws on, or your hot little boner in, an actual Fleshlight, you pretty much don’t know nuthin’ about a Fleshlight. Period!

icejack_tommyd.jpgThe first thing that struck me about the Fleshlight is it’s way bigger and heavier than I imagined. I figured it would be the size of a regular flashlight. I was wrong. The plastic shell is a serious 10” in length. And by it’s self it’s fairly light. It’s the totally amazing Superskin™ insert that racks up the weigh. My Fleshlight weighs in at a hefty 1 pound, eight and a half ounces. And that, sex fans, is a handful, or two, for damn sure. More about this in a minute.

The Superskin™ insert is totally amazing. It begs to be touched and caressed. It is unlike any other texture I’ve experienced in a sex toy. And like I said, I’ve had an opportunity to test drive a bunch of masturbators and stimulation sleeves in my time. The Superskin™ is kinda like a jelly, but it’s so much more substantial. I know this is gonna sound trite, but it does feel flesh-like. And if you add some hot water to your Fleshlight, as I did, before you sink in your chub, well it’s pretty much the most amazing feeling you can have from something that simulates a human orifice.

And ya wanna talk marketing genius? All Fleshlight customers are invited to customize their unit before they buy. And that is where the fun begins. Since most guys are pretty particular about where they stick their joystick, Fleshlight has cleverly come up with several “orifice” options: pussy, mouth, asshole or “neutral” (apparently for those who can’t commit). The plastic case comes in silver, black or clear. There are optional insert colors too: pink, mocha or ice. And get this, you can even choose from among six different internal contours for the insert itself: Original, Super Tight, Ultra Tight, Speed Bump, Super Ribbed and Wonder Wave. If, with all these options, you can’t design the perfect Fleshlight for you, you’re just too damned fussy.

I want to draw your attention to one last feature before we take this puppy on a test drive. The plastic case, the thing that looks like a flashlight, has removable caps at both ends. The top cap covers the bulbous head of the insert and helps keeps it clean when it’s not in use. The end cap can be removed for easy cleaning. (The jizz-fanatics among us will appreciate this, because when a wank session is over, you can simply dribble out your spunk for some delicious DNA play.)

Like I suggested above you can also add hot water through the end cap for a warm, squishy jack. If you do add water, don’t over-fill the blasted thing. No more than three-quarter full is my suggestion. And this is best done in the shower or bath. Because, depending on the vigor of your stroke, things will get might wet, which just so happens to add to the fun. Just so you know, this was my favorite way to Fleshlight!

When the end cap is sealed tightly, it’s a lot more difficult to plug in your pud…even with loads of lube and a major stiffy. I found that if I loosened the cap, just until I got situated, as it were; I could then tighten the cap to make for a swell little vacuum sensation. Very nice! I wonder if that was intended in the design, or simply is a happy accident?

By the way, you should only use a water-based lube with your Fleshlight. And clean up is a snap. A little soap and water will do the trick. Here’s a tip: once the insert is dry, dust it, inside and out, with a little cornstarch based body powder. This will help keep things as fresh as the day you got it.

sensationarea_optb.jpg

I always like to take my time with a new toy. Ya know, to get a sense of how the thing works and feels. This was particularly the way to go with the Fleshlight. Masturbating with one of these puppies has several advantages to your basic hand job. First, there is a delightful silkiness, and a tight consistent pressure on your cock throughout each stroke. In this regard — and despite the claims made by the Fleshlight marketing department — pluggin’ a Fleshlight is very different than pluggin’ any human orifice I know. But that’s not a bad thing, mind you. Consider the guy who is dealing with premature ejaculation, for example. I’m positive that if he used a Fleshlight to train himself to last longer, he’d have way more success than if he just used his hand. This is an ideal device to practice delaying one’s orgasm, which will make you a much better lover. And you can bank on that!

Remember I mentioned the heft of the Fleshlight? I want to get back to that now. Because the unit is heavier then other masturbators, one can actually fuck it, as well as have it fuck you. Here’s what I mean. If you’re lying on your back, and you’re using your hand (or hands) to pump the Fleshlight up and down your rod; it’s basically fuckin’ you, right? I discovered that if I tilted the Fleshlight a bit, up, down or to one side or another, I was able to stimulate different areas of my cock. Using a corkscrew motion was way wonderful too.

Now, if you stick the Fleshlight between your mattress and box spring, for example, then you can fuck it. I really got off on doing deep thrusts this way. And because of the ingenious bulbous head of the Superskin™ insert there’s no way I could injure myself on the hard plastic case with those deep hard manly thrusts. 😉

One final thing, ya’ll know I’m a real big advocate of partners masturbating together. There is just so much one can learn by watching a partner pleasure him/herself. The Fleshlight is the perfect male masturbator for this purpose. It’s playful and non-threatening, so it will be easier to get your partner to join in the fun and learn about your sexual response all at the same time.

ENJOY

Rolling Head Cup Masturbator by Tenga

Hey sex Fans!

Dr Dick had the dubious pleasure of test-driving one of these babies earlier this week.  In short, this product is crap, of the first order.  Let me recount my torturous adventure to prove my point.

I have some basic standards by which I judge a sex toy.  First among them is; does the blasted thing do what it says it’s supposed to?  The Rolling Head Cup Masturbator ($22.99) arrived on my doorstep with absolutely no packaging, save the red plastic label that sealed the bottom of the unit.  I’m not a big fan of excessive packaging.  But hey, Tenga ought to have included some instructions on how to use this contraption.

Being the clever and resourceful guy I am, I decided to remove the label and look inside.  Still, I wasn’t sure what to do next.

  • Here’s a tip for all you sex toy designers out there.  When designing a toy to mimic or augment a sexual practice that us men folks have been doing just fine since time began with the two hands we were created with; you’d better come up with something that is equally intuitive or don’t fuckin’ bother.  OK?

Once I removed the red label I found a very soft perforated styrofoam base that was oozing something slippery.  To my great astonishment, the cup was already lubed up, as it were.  Rather than this being a thoughtful design ploy, I was put off by this.  I had no idea what kind of lube this was.  What if I was allergic to this type of lube, or it wasn’t my lube of choice?  Not a good idea, this!

I decided to look past the pre-lubed issue to figure out what I was supposed to do next.  Obviously, I was to insert my precious stiffy into this gooey mess, but how was I supposed to get past the styrofoam base?  There was, of course, a little hole, but there was also the styrofoam plug.  Was I supposed to remove the plug?  I did, but I don’t think I was supposed to.  I think I was supposed to push the plug into the unit with my dickhead.  Removing the plug, as I did, just added to the gooey mess.  This also destabilized the remaining soft styrofoam base, which began to sluff off from the rest of the insides.  This left no protection from the hard plastic edge of the unit.  Here I am 15 minutes into this ill-fated exercise and I have yet to even get my dick wet.  This was not going well.

  • A second tip for all you sex toy designers out there.  When designing a toy to put around a guy’s hardon, the one-size-fits-all concept is a real bad idea.  Or the product should be labeled accordingly.

Gummy mess aside, I was bound and determined to press forward.  And as it turned out, that’s precisely what I had to do.  I had to press and press and then press some more.  Anticipation turned to frustration, then aggravation.  If I hadn’t been wearing a cockring during this second-rate encounter, my willie would have surely gone to sleep from boredom.

Now my dick isn’t super sized or anything, but there was no way Mr Wonderful was just gonna fit inside this contraption.  Instead, I inserted my index finger to get a sense of the capacity of this puppy.  The textured jelly masturbation sleeve inside will only gonna accommodate a cock the girth of my finger, not much more.  DISAPPOINTED!

I never was able to find out if there was any benefit to the pleated band on the cup’s midriff that is supposed to allow the device to flex enough to move in circles, or bend side to side, or even up and down.  By the time I finally gave up, I had nothing to show for my efforts but a goopy mess.  The lube was now mixed with what I guessed was some kind of adhesive that was supposed to have held the soft perforated styrofoam base in place.  Which it did not do.

Finally, had this miserable thing actually worked, and I was able to stimulate myself to a jizz-filled happy ending, there would have been no way for me to clean this device for a second go.  So basically the unwary consumer would be paying thirty-plus bucks for a one-use wonder.

To sum up, what we have here is an over priced, ineffectual, ill-conceived, poorly designed rip off.