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Smooth Glider by XHale

Mick & Chuck introduce us to Smooth Glider.

Smooth Glider $89.95

Mick:  “Hey, it’s great to be back as part of the Dr Dick Review Crew.
Chuck:  “This is the dream “job. What’s not to love about getting free sex toys?  And we loves us some toys.”
Mick:  “Yeah, but we’re also informing people about what to look for in quality products while avoiding the junk.”
Chuck:  “Exactly!  Speaking of quality, check out our Smooth Glider.  It’s smooth_glider.jpgstunning.  It’s made of Pyrex glass.”
Mick:  “It’s approximately 7 inches long and 1 1/4 inches in diameter with a nicely sculpted head that measures approximately 1 1/2 inches in diameter.  It weighs a hefty 12.4 oz.  And the sucker is smooth as glass…thus the name.  Duh!
Chuck:  “Well a lot of glass dildos are textured.  This one happens to be smooth. But it does have a nice curve to it.  It’s perfect for prostate stimulation.”
Mick:  “Or G-Spot stimulation, if you have one of those.”  😉
Chuck:  “The first thing you need to know is that not all glass dildos are created equal.  There are plenty of cheap knock-offs out there that I wouldn’t stick in my ass for a million bucks.  But the Smooth Glider is top of the line.”
Mick:  “If you’ve never used a glass dido you will be amazed.  It’s like no other material.  With just the tiniest amount of lube (we use a silicone-based lube) this thing becomes amazingly slick.  And you can warm or chill this baby for added sensations.”
Chuck:  “The Smooth Glider, like all quality glass products, is easy to care for too.  Warm soapy water and a nice lint-free towel is all you need for clean up.  But you can pop it in the dishwasher; sterilize it in a 10% bleach solution; or in boiling water for a couple of minutes.  Making it the idea toy for sharing.”
Mick:  “One more thing about the Smooth Glider’s design.  It has a nice base on it.  So it’s easy to grab hold of for turning or pumping in and out.”
Chuck:  “Mmmmm, pumping in and out!”
The Smooth Glider comes in a beautiful red padded velvet pouch to protect it when it’s not punishing your, or someone you love’s ass.”
Mick:  “I highly recommend the Smooth Glider to anyone who is looking for the classic glass dildo.  You will not be disappointed.”
Chuck:  “I second that!  And anyone out there still unsure about glass toys, if you buy quality, like the Smooth Glider, you have nothing to worry about.  But like all high-end toys you need to treat it right.  Care for it properly, and it will last a lifetime.”
Mick:  “Yeah just think this could be an heirloom, passed down from generation to generation.  In about a hundred years look for it to appear on the Antique Road Show.  ‘Why, my great, great uncle Mick buggered himself senseless with this beauty!’”  😉

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Natural Contours Jolie

Natural Contours Waterproof Jolie $16.95

Gina

I think you call this a “lipstick” vibe.  (Now that I’m an official member of Dr Dick’s Dr Dick’s Product Review Crew, I figured I would learn some of the industry lingo.) I think they call it that, because it’s not much larger than a lipstick.  But it does have a nice kick to it when the batteries are fresh.

The Jolie only has the one speed, but what do ya want for under $20, right?

I was particularly interested in it being waterproof.  I love using a vibrator in my bath.

I found that it was hard to turn on/off, particularly with wet or soapy hands. I chalked this up to it needing to be watertight.  Here’s something to be aware of — the on/off jolie.jpgswitch also functions as the cap for changing out the batteries.  If you inadvertently turn the cap the wrong way the top pops off instead of turning the thing on.  Directions are printed on the thing, but who pays attention to that when it’s playtime?  😉

The Jolie is pretty quiet for as powerful as it is.  One Saturday afternoon I decided to slip the vibe into the crotch of my jeans.  I figured, what the heck; let’s have a good time while we pick up the apartment.  I got so turned on I attacked my napping boyfriend, Kevin (REVIEW #13).  He was like, “What’s up with you?”  When I showed him my little buddy, he was all like, “Awesome!  Here, let me do it.”  It was wonderful just letting him pleasure me with it.

You know how we were talking a couple of weeks ago about men using these vibes themselves?  Well, I asked Kevin what he thought.  He said the Jolie would be great for external use around his testicles and whatnot, but defiantly not for use in his butt.  The Jolie is just too small for that.  It could easily slip inside and get stuck.

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Turbo Stroker

Hey sex Fans!

We need to get one thing straight from the get-go.  This product is not a penis pump even though the website suggest that it is!

I know a little something about penis pumps.  Penis pumps are my friends.  But this, sir, is no penis pump! 

Ok, then what the hell is it?  So glad you asked.  This here is a glorified masturbator.  And I do mean glorified, because is has these bells and whistles that are supposed to make strokin’ your dick more of a mind-bending pleasure.  Alas, I’m afraid that the Stroker is only partially successful in fulfilling that goal.

The Waterproof Turbo Stroker ($89.00) is a handsome lookin’ device — nice appealing shape, sleek lines.  It even has four LED lit buttons at the top of the cylinder that indicates the varying vibration speeds and amount of stroking action.  This has such an appealing look, if your left it out on your kitchen counter top, everyone would think it was one of those handy little blender/mixers that are all the rage these days.

Here’s what I like about the Waterproof Turbo Stroker besides its appearance.

  1. I liked the phthalates free silicone sleeve.  It was snug on my dick and the beaded surface was a nice little bonus.  However, if I think the folks who designed the Stroker should have made the cylinder and insert longer.  Anyone with more than an average endowment will feel cramped.  I know I did.  And I ain’t no king kong, if ya catch my drift.
  2. I really liked the way the device disassembles for easy cleaning.  You can pop the cylinder and insert in the dishwasher for effortless clean up.
  3. I liked that the top of the Stroker unscrewed for easy battery replacement.  One can easily take out the battery pack when the device is not in use.  This will increase the life of the batteries (4-AA, not included).
  4. The vibrating action is only pretty ok, but nothing to write home about.  What one does get is a lot of noise.  This is where it really resembles a kitchen gadget.

Here’s what I didn’t like about the Waterproof Turbo Stroker.

  1. The stroking action is a joke!  In fact, there’s no real stroking going on here at all.  There is this little plunger type thing that comes down from the top of the unit, which makes this pathetic up-and-down motion that sort of jiggles the silicone sleeve a bit.  At all three speeds the “action” was way more annoying then it was erotic.
  2. If ya try to use both the vibration and the “stroking” action at the same time and at the highest speeds, it sounds like it’s gonna take off.  Better get some ear plugs!
  3. This thing is very expensive considering how ineffective it is.
  4. I thought the manufacturer should have included the first set of batteries.  I wouldn’t have had to scramble all over the house to find 4-AA batteries just to do the review.

In the end, since I had my dick in the thing and the thing was in my hand, I decided to turn off the stroking action (completely useless) and use only the first speed on vibration action (so I could hear myself think dirty thoughts) and leisurely stroked myself as nature intended.  It was a pleasant enough experience; not fabulous, but pleasant enough.  I kept thinking, I wonder if I could whip eggs with this thing.

If you want to know the truth, and I think you should…once I finished testing the Stroker for this review, I shut the thing off.  I took the silicone sleeve off the cylinder, held the sleeve in my hand and reinserted my willie.  Ahhh, much better!  I finished my leisurely stroking session using only my hand and the sleeve.  And ya know what?  It was the best part of the whole experience.

There are plenty of other much cheaper alternatives to the Waterproof Turbo Stroker in the marketplace…maybe not as pretty, but definitely less expensive.  If I were to advise the manufacturer I’d suggest they keep the swell design, lose the “stroking action,” improve on the vibrating action and make it a whole lot more quiet.  Then they’d have a really great product.