BODY HEAT Self Warming Vibe

BODY HEAT Self Warming Vibe —— $250.28

Jada
About 10 years ago, when I was still a sweet impressionable young thing, I briefly dated (2 times) this guy who drove this totally pimped out Hummer. I mean this thing was obscenely gauche. Besides being a outrageous monument to conspicuous consumption, it was also extremely loud and ridiculously uncomfortable. It was like riding in a tank. And I practically needed a stepladder to enter and exit the behemoth. I felt like I was getting in and out of a cartoon car.

But the guy couldn’t have been more proud of his ride. He insisted that it was the consummate babe magnet. (I don’t know either; I just chalked it up to being a guy thing.) Little did he know that when he pulled up to a club all the women would giggle and snicker. I guess none of his women “friends” thought to tell him about our inside joke — BCLD — Big Car; Little Dick!

I realize that this is a somewhat long-winded intro to a toy review, but my little reminiscence was the first thing to come to mind when I was handed the BODY HEAT Self Warming Vibe to review.

Let’s start with the presentation. One would never know from just looking at the package that the BODY HEAT was so damned expensive. It comes in a nondescript carton that covers an equally nondescript plastic clamshell. All the other high-end toys I know of come in swank gift boxes, but not the BODY HEAT. It’s packaging looks like it belongs to a toy a fraction of its cost.

Ok, so we ought not judge a book by it’s cover right? I take BODY HEAT home and take it out of the package to see what’s what. Here’s what i found — a 7” shaft sits atop a 3.5” hard plastic base. The heart of the shaft is made up of pleasure “beads” that rotate. There are three rotation programs and each can be adjusted to eight speeds. The shaft is sheathed in a 100% silicone sleeve that is lavender in color. The sleeve also has a series of very stimulating ridges and is topped off with a flattened arrowhead shaped tip; perfect for G-spot stimulation. The sheath of silicone also covers embedded heating coils and a digital stabilizer that is supposed to keep the vibrator temperature at 100 or 120 degrees F. Supposedly, the warmer temperatures make the shaft easier to insert. But that would only be true of the tip of the vibe warmed up, which it doesn’t. However, the lower 1/3 of the vibe shaft does stay warm throughout use.

The base of BODY HEAT houses the control panel and a LCD display that shows the temp, the rotation program and speed. A rechargeable lithium battery fits inside the base. But wait! Some assembly is required. Get this, you need a teeny tiny phillips-head screwdriver, the kind a jeweler would use, to install the battery. Do you have one of those lying around your house? I don’t! I thought to myself; swell, now what am I supposed to do? After calling everyone I knew to see if they had one, I finally got hold of my sweet lesbian sister-in-law. Sure enough, she had just the thing. Wouldn’t you just know it? Dykes are such lifesavers. The BODY HEAT also comes with a recharger.

If all this weren’t enough, the BODY HEAT also comes with a removable vibrating clit stimulator (with batteries) in the shape of a rabbit that is supposed to be able to double as a cock ring. This is a brilliant idea, but there’s a rub. If you use it as a cockring your partner’s unit has to be at least the same girth as the BODY HEAT vibe. My partner is…how shall I say this…not so blessed. He did try to stretch it around his penis and ball sack like he wears a regular cockring, but there wasn’t enough give in the silicone. This made it way too tight to wear. So we never were able to try out that function. Back to the drawing board on that feature!

The tricked out BODY HEAT weighs in at a very hefty 15+oz. That’s a handful and then some.

Are you getting the picture why I began with story about that pimped out Hummer? I though you would. Sometimes too much is just that; too much.

Before I continue my review I just want to say that, if I had to guess, the BODY HEAT was designed and developed by a man, or more likely, a committee of men. They may have been well intentioned men, but I’d be willing to wager that there was no female input on this at all. Only a guy would dream up something like this. The reason I say this is that I have a bunch of women friends and we all have a ton of sex toys and not one of us has ever thought to ourselves; gee, I need to get me a vibe that does everything but make supper. Or gee, my vibe is cold; I need to get one with a heater. The reason I know this is because I asked all my friends this very question after I started toying around with the BODY HEAT. And while I admit that my sampling is not of the scientific variety, I’m still willing to wager that this is accurate.

To be fair, BODY HEAT does everything it says it will and it does it very well. Like I mentioned above I love the ribbed silicone shaft. But I think I have to quibble with calling the BODY HEAT a vibrator. It doesn’t really vibrate; there’s a rotating motion in the upper 1/3 of the shaft. And like I already mentioned, the heating element only warms the lower 1/3 of the shaft. The flattened arrowhead shaped head of the BODY HEAT neither vibrates or warms. I found that a bit curious, but there you have it.

The detachable rabbit vibe is indeed an actual vibe. And I really like that I can position it anywhere on the shaft. This works for me because the last thing I want to have happen is to have the bunny ears hit me in the clit when I’m thrusting to stimulate my G-spot. That is not pleasurable; it hurts.

The heating element was nice, I guess. But the silicone sheathe is so buttery soft that it would have conformed to my body temperature anyway, as all good silicone does.

I would gladly exchange the heating function in the BODY HEAT for it to be waterproof. For those of us gals who ejaculate when we stimulate our G-spot, a waterproof insertable or vibe is much preferred. Not only is this vibe is not waterproof; it doesn’t even have a cover for the recharge port. That just invites the early demise of this very expensive toy. If you get the port wet, or worse lube gets inside of it, you’ll be SOL (shit out of luck). Come on guys, you should know that good sex is messy sex, right? It’s like you designed this totally tricked out Hummer of a vibe but forgot the windshield.

I give the BODY HEAT extra points for it being rechargeable. And the lithium battery does hold a charge even under the demanding conditions of heating and rotating the shaft.

I wanted to be more upbeat in my appraisal of this fantastically pricey item, but I just couldn’t see my way to doing that and still be honest. Sorry Pipedream Products.

MONA by LELO

MONA Red —— $139

Angie
I’ve been watching for and reading about how many of my fellow Review Crew members have been enjoying their LELO toys. I don’t mind telling you that I have been more than a little envious of my friends, their toys and all the fun they’ve had. But now I finally have my very own LELO to tell you about.

This beautiful Pleasure Object is called MONA. And she is all LELO. By that I mean she comes in her own LELO signature packaging. Actually there are layers and layers of packaging. Inside the bright red glossy outer package there is a black matte finish inner box with a lift-off lid. Inside that there is an embossed lift-out carton that contains the vibe itself. Under that there are two separate compartments; one containing a satin drawstring storage bag and the recharging unit and the other containing a warranty pamphlet, an elaborate multi-language user manual and a glossy mini catalog of some of their products. Is this too much packaging? I’m sure many will think so. But it is a beautiful presentation for those lucky enough to be receiving MONA as a gift.

Once inside the box I am surprised to discover that MONA is considerably smaller than the packaging suggests. It’s just less than 8″ long, with an insertable length of no more than 4″. The insertable end is flared; a bulbous oval that is actually a very modest size. The thickest part being only about 4.5″, which slims down the curved shaft to down to about 2.75”. This makes it great for G-spot stimulation.

The vibrations can be used for clitoral stimulation as well. The insertable part of MONA has a soft and luscious red silicone skin (it also comes in purple) that is hypoallergenic. She sports a sweetly quiet motor that delivers the multi-speed and multi-pulsations. And the best part is she’s rechargeable! I love that I’ll never have to feed her batteries to make me happy. And when she’s happy; she make me VERY happy!

You must only use a water based lube with this silicone beauty. And you must keep your hands free of lubricant in order to adjust the controller. This wasn’t always easy to do. In fact, if I had to nitpick, I’d have to say that the controller was more difficult to use than I would have ever imagined. I wonder if others have a similar experience?

Like I noticed that the pulsations didn’t always change when I pressed the up button. In fact, I was certain I had broken MONA at one point, because nothing happened when I pressed the buttons. Maybe I just needed to apply more pressure or be more patient or something. But the indicator light in the controller went on, so I assumed that was all that needed to make things happen. In my estimation, the controller is the weakest part of the LELO design.

MONA comes already charged, which is very thoughtful. And it is so easy to charge. Just plug in the adapter and let it juice itself up. But be mindful that MONA should not be charged for more than 24 hours, as she will overheat. Here’s something else I noticed, when I used the highest speed and the steady vibration, I noticed a “singing” sound that concerned me a bit. I thought perhaps I was overly stressing MONA. As I precaution, I decided to dial her down, so to speak. I didn’t want to knock her out.

Here’s something really important you should know; MONA is splash proof, not waterproof. There is little rubber cover that protects the charging port from moisture. But if you somehow get water in there, which is very easy to do; or worse lube, be sure to let the thing dry completely before you try to recharge.

Clean up is easy with mild soap and warm water. You can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution.

MONA sleeps in her satin storage bag, where she waits for me to arouse her. And she is always glad to see me. MONA comes with a 1-year warranty that covers her working parts. Her 10 year guarantee states that if anything goes wrong with MONA at any time in the 10 years you own her, you can return her for disposal, and LELO will give you 50% off your next order from their web store. So there’s that.

MONA is definitely for the high-end consumer. I am so glad to have her in my life, but I don’t see how I could ever justify the hefty price tag if I were buying her for myself. I know that LELO is a quality name brand; I believe with all my heart that we consumers should be buying quality, but my meager salary makes that kind of extravagance impossible. However, I will always gladly accept LELO as a gift. Hint, hint!

Rechargeable Infrared Playpal

Rechargeable Infrared Playpal —— $23.43

Jada
What we have here is a 7-inch, hard plastic, waterproof, rechargeable, dual-speed vibe. And if California Exotic, the manufacturer of the Rechargeable Infrared Playpal, had left it at that I’d have a sturdy basic vibe that I could recommend.

Unfortunately they decided to add some kind of cockamamie infrared heating element on the tip of the massager and they messed up the whole damn thing in the process.

Not only does the heating element not noticeably warm up, but in order to place it in the tip of the vibe they had to add this rubber flange or seal so as to keep the thing waterproof. And there in lies the problem. This flange, or whatever you call it, has a completely different texture than the hard smooth plastic. So even with lube this becomes a major sticking point, both literally and figuratively. It makes it impossible to be used on delicate parts, let alone insertion. Think of it rubber patch on a slippery slide. All is well till you hit that patch; then look out! This is particularly true for use in water where lube would be ineffectual.

From the looks of the package this item is designed to appeal to a younger crowd. And perhaps younger people have yet to acquire the ability to discern between a good product and one that sucks…and not in a good way. But the Rechargeable Infrared Playpal will help them figure this out in short order. Because, despite the other laudable aspects of the vibe — waterproof, rechargeable, dual-speed — it’s not worth the twenty-some bucks you’d have to pay for it.

Sex Toys & Vibrators

ELISE by LELO

ELISE ——  $169

Jack & Karen
Karen:  “Finally we’ve got our hands on a LELO.  We were beginning to wonder who we had to fuck to get in on the LELO action around here.”
Jack:  “Like my daddy always said, ‘Ya gotta walk through a lot of manure before you find the pony.’”
Karen:  “The
ELISE is way better than a pony!
This black beauty (ours is black) is made from medical grade silicone.  It’s just short of 10” long with just about 5” insertable length. It’s got a sweet curve to it and its torpedo-shaped.  I like that shape because it looks just like Jack’s thingy.”
Jack:  “Thingy?  My THINGY?  She’s such a grownup.”
Karen:  “Sorry, that didn’t come out like I hoped.  Jack’s cock is torpedo-shaped and it curves, to the left.  Is that better, honey?”
Jack:  “Yes dear, that’s better.  It’s just that I never heard you use “thingy” before.
Ok, on with our review.  The
ELISE has 5 stimulation modes and 5 speeds.  It’s super quiet.  It’s also rechargeable; so there’s no stinkin’ batteries to buy.”
Karen:  “The Scandinavian designers of the
ELISE clearly had the woman user in mind when they developed this vibe.  When I use it by myself, for G-spot stimulation, the controls are right where they should be, in the handle were I see and can reach them.  There are also two, count them, two points of vibration — one in the tip, another in the shaft.”
Jack:  “The
ELISE comes with the elegant signature LELO high-end packaging.  It’s a gift just waiting to be given.”
Karen:  “But be sure to use only water-based lube with this silicone vibe.”
Jack:  “And be careful that you don’t get any lube (or water, when you’re cleaning up) in the recharging port.”
Karen:  “That’s the only drawback I see to this Pleasure Object.  Other than that, you can be completely uninhibited with the
ELISE.  Isn’t that true, Jack?  Why not tell the good people your little secret?”
Jack:  “Ok, ok, Stop The Presses!  I have an announcement.  I broke my ass cherry with the ELISE.  There I said it.
I wasn’t actually gonna say that here, because I’m still a little, how shall I put this, sensitive about the whole anal insertion thing.  But WTF, right?

I mean I had a ball with this bugger.  I’m like totally sold on the prostate massage concept now.  But still, years of equating butt-play with gay will take awhile to dissolve.”
Karen:  “I am so proud of you for coming out like this, you little butt pirate, you!”
Jack:  “Hey now, that’s our little secret.”
Karen:  “Yeah, us and all of our readers.”
Jack :  “Like I suggested a bit ago, cleanup is easy with just some soap and water; just mind the recharger port.  If you’re gonna share this toy, like we did, be sure to thoroughly wipe it down with a lint-free towel wet with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution.  Remember, you won’t be able to boil it or pop it in the dishwasher to sterilize.”
Karen :  “Yes, we ought to emphasize that The
ELISE isn’t waterproof.  Splash proof, yes; waterproof, no.”
Jack :  “We’re totally sold on the
ELISE.  Give it a try; you will be too.”

ENJOY!

Chandra by Emotional Bliss

We’re back with Part 2 of Jada’s show and tell of the Emotional Bliss massagers from the UK.

Did you some how miss last week’s presentation?  Not to worry!  Look for it HERE!

Chandra $49.95

Jada

This little lovely is the Chandra by Emotional Bliss.   Where last week’s offering, Femblossom, was a powerful, multi-speed handful; Chandra is a cute, discreet, single-speed vibe that you wear on your finger.  It’s so adorable and petite; at first I thought it was some kind of novelty item.  I soon discovered that the Chandra is decidedly not that.  This is a fully functional personal massager that has been shrunk down to the size of your thumb (2.75 X .75 in).  It is designed to direct stimulation directly to those yummy places on your body, like nipples, clit and labia.

When I masturbate, I use my fingers; as I assume most women do.  I’m not one for vaginal insertions when I pleasure myself.  But rather I concentrate on my clitoris.  The Chandra is absolutely perfect for this purpose.  You simply attach the massager to one of the three finger clips (each clip is a different size), and that’s it.  Since it’s rechargeable, there are no cords to fuss with.  I absolutely love it.

I can direct as much stimulation I like to the precise area I want.  The Chandra certainly can be used in conjunction with a dildo if that’s what you’re into, but it’s perfect on its own.

My husband loves the Chandra, not only what it does for me but what it does for him.  To be perfectly frank, I’m only orgasmic with clitoral stimulation.  So even in intercourse, I must stimulate myself.  Sometimes this can get tiring.  Introducing a regular sized vibe can be intrusive to the intimate moment.  But there’s nothing invasive with the Chandra.  You see, wherever my finger goes, so goes my Chandra.  I can easily move from my clit to my nipples, to my husband’s nipples and then to his scrotum, then back to my clit.  My orgasms are amazingly strong, yet effortless.  It’s like I now have a bionic finger.

The Chandra is surprisingly quiet for as powerful as it is.  You can immediately tell this is a quality vibe.  Like it’s big sister, the Femblossom, the Chandra is made of non-porous medical grade TPE plastic.  It also has the same antibacterial agent incorporated in it during the manufacturing process.

The Chandra come with:

  • 3 Finger Clips
  • AC Adapter
  • Water-based lube sample
  • Silicone-based lube sample
  • Instruction Booklet


Like the Femblossom, cleaning the Chandra can be tricky.  All you basically need is mild soap and water, but you have to be very careful not to get water (or worse lube) in the recharging port.  Because the Chandra is so small, that can be a real challenge.  I used a piece of tape to cover the port while I cleaned it.

Oh and you’ll need to charge the vibe for 12 hours before your first use.

Again, my husband and I both wholeheartedly endorse Chandra.

ENJOY!

Emotional Bliss – Femblossom

We’ve got some goodies for ya, sex fans, two blissful massagers from the UK.  Emotional Bliss is a new company with exceptional credentials.  Their approach to product development is simple; maximize pleasure.  And in the process they’ve come up with revolutionary designs, which has form following function.

These products are specifically designed with a woman’s body in mind.  However, that doesn’t mean that a man can’t enjoy them, on the contrary.  But let’s let Jada of the Dr Dick Review Crew take over from here.

Femblossom $99.95

Jada

Form does indeed follow function in the two vibes I have before me.  (Each will have its own posting)  First up is Femblossom.

I had to giggle at the name.  Femblossom, what kind of name is Femblossom?  Perhaps it’s a British term, I don’t know.  All I can say for sure is, I immediately rechristened it SATISFY.  And you want to know why?  Because, in my book, name should also follow function.

Femblossom is unique, no question about it.  It is a hand-held massager, but it’s unlike anything else I’ve ever seen.   It is constructed of a hard plastic with non-slip surfaces on the control pad and on its underside.  I really liked the non-slip feature on the control pad.  The same on the underside of the vibe, however, made gliding it along delicate skin difficult without the use of lube.  Luckily, the package included samples of water-based lube and silicon-based lube.  Both can be used on this toy.  By the way, that’s a very thoughtful addition, Emotional Bliss; thank you and good marketing!

The stylized shell shape of this vibe is an ideal fit to lie astride my vaginal mound.  The pointed tip easily slips between my vaginal lips to nuzzle my clit.  The vibe is powerful enough to create intense stimulation throughout my whole pelvic area.  I hate a wimpy vibe!

I discovered that if I prop myself up against some pillows, place Femblossom on my vulva, and close my thighs on the vibe, I’m able to send amazing sensations all over my genitals.  The harder I squeeze my thighs together the more intense the sensations.  I can even do kegel exercises this way.  And what could be  better for sexual health and wellbeing?  I found that I don’t really need to use my hands at all, except to reposition the vibe from time to time. It’s brilliant!

The Femblossom also warms up with use; not so much so that you’ll feel uncomfortable or have a sense that the unit is over heating.  I was trying to concentrate on the warming sensation, but I couldn’t really discern if the warmth of the Femblossom was due to the heating element or my own body temperature.  What can I say; I’m hot blooded!  But then again, I wasn’t using the vibe on high speed.

After using Femblossom on my own several times and liking it a whole lot, I thought it would be nice to introduce it to partner play.  My husband took to it right away.  He’s not one for vibes that look like a penis.  I don’t suppose I can fault him for that.  And, I’m not one of those gals that get off on vibe penetration.  That’s why we like the Femblossom so much.

My husband liked how the massager fit in his hand.  The controls are very easy to manipulate, even with lubed up femblossom2fingers.  Femblossom has nine distinct massage modes.  I think that’s the greatest variety of pulsation I’ve ever seen in a vibe.

During our play together, my husband also used the vibe on himself.  He placed the Femblossom tip on his perineum and cupped his testicles in the shell form.  The handle reached up and touched the root of his penis.  He was surprised by the intensity of the sensations and he really liked the warming sensations. He was running it on high speed.  This thing has a very powerful motor.  And the hard plastic material seems to conduct the vibrations more effectively than do my silicone vibes.

Femblossom is rechargeable, which is really great.  It’ll run for 60 to 90 minutes, depending on the speed you’re running it, before it needs recharging.  The universal charger is included in the package.  It also comes with a beautifully designed and very informative instructional booklet.

The cleaning instructions included in the package state that one ought only use a mild soap and water to clean Femblossom.  Here’s a tip:  you must be very careful not to get water (or worse lube) in the recharging socket.  Frankly, that is a real concern to me in terms of use as well as cleanup.  Let’s face it; sex play can be messy.  If one is concentrating on not getting lube all over the vibe that could easily ruin the mood.  Too bad the vibe doesn’t come with a cover for the recharging port.

The instructions also state that there is an antibacterial agent incorporated in the manufacturing process.  They are the first to use silver ion technology for antibacterial purposes.  Ok, I like the sound of that.  But is that enough to put my mind at ease about sharing my toy?  Maybe we’ll be hearing more from Emotional Bliss about this in the future.

In the meantime, my husband and I both wholeheartedly endorse Femblossom.

One final word, I encourage you to shop at the Emotional Bliss online store for this product.  Searching the web I discovered, to my great dismay, that some stores are charging up to $50 per unit than the price on the Emotional Blisssite.  What’s up with that?

Next week:  Emotional BlissChandra

ENJOY