Head Honcho

Sue Johanson Head Honcho —— $13.97

Jack
I’m up first today with the Head Honcho, a sex toy endorsed by sex educator and host of television’s Sex Talk With Sue Johanson. This thing is supposed to mimic a blowjob. Well, I’ve had my share of hummers and the Head Honcho doesn’t come close to a blowjob.

One thing I want to point out from the start. The Adult Sex Toys .com says that the Head Honcho is made of silicone. But it is not silicone. That’s gotta be a typo, because it is really made of TPR (Thermoplastic Rubber), or so says the packaging. Actually, when I first pulled it out of the box I thought for sure it was jelly latex. Hey, maybe there’s no difference between the two.

At any rate, this mystery material surely contain latex and phthalates; I looked it up online. And for me phthalates are a no no. That’s strike 1! It has a cloying chemical smell, which also kinda smells like cherry Kool-Aid. Ick! Dr Dick calls off gas. This was a boner killer let me tell ya. This is strike 2.

I decided to wash it to rid it of some of the smell. The bath helped, but then the Head Honcho got all sticky. I tried to dry it off with a towel, but that made matters worse. It got all linty and gross. This was strike 3. I was about to skip the whole damn thing when I called Dr Dick for advice. He told me to let it completely air dry then dust it with body powder or cornstarch. This was supposed to cut down on the stickiness. This intervention sorta saved the day.

With all that prep work behind me I finally settled down to some hot porn, some nice water based lube and the considerably less tacky Head Honcho. Because the masturbator is so soft and floppy, it was hard to plug my cock into the mouth-shaped aperture in the front of the toy. Besides that, the hole isn’t very big and I’m pretty hung, so there’s that. Strike 4!

Once I finally got it on my cock I could feel the suction chambers in the neck of the toy. That was kinda cool. But again something happened that killed my boner. There is no bottom or closed base to this thing. And before I knew it the lube I used in the Head Honcho to pave the way for my cock began to dribble out the base. Ok, so that was my fault, not the fault of the toy. But damn, that sure as hell wrecked the moment.

I did finally finish myself off this one time with the Head Honcho. It was a pretty ok nut. But considering the work I had to do just to squeeze one out, it hardly seems worth the effort.

I did the necessary clean up — soap and water, air dry, body powder — after I shot my load. Then I just put the Head Honcho back in the plastic bag it came in and hid it in the back of a drawer. I don’t see me using this ever again.

Bummer!

This sex toy review sponsored by Adult Sex Toys: over 8,000 sex toys and adult toys to choose from.

ELBOW GREASE Original & Hot Light

For review purposes, our friends at Elbow Grease sent us a 1 oz container of each of their products —
ELBOW GREASE Hot Light —— $4.75

ELBOW GREASE Original —— $4.75

Ken & Denise
Denise: “Finding just the right lube for anal can be a challenge. We’ve tried several; some work better than others. But for my money, (Actually, the review sample we got was free, but you get the idea.) ELBOW GREASE Original is the best. It’s thick and creamy and it lasts and lasts. It’s the most long lasting lube we’ve tried.”

Ken: “Curiously enough, we’d never tried ELBOW GREASE Original before, because we had never heard of it before. We were talking to some gay friends about this very thing and they couldn’t believe their ears. ‘You’ve never hear of Elbow Grease? That’s impossible. It’s been around for like fucking ever.’”
Denise: “Who Knew? I think it’s a gay thing!”
Ken: “Yeah, maybe that’s it. Anyhow, ELBOW GREASE Original really stands up to whatever you throw its way. A small amount is all we really needed for some big time ass play. Denise loves her toys!”
Denise: “You have to remember that ELBOW GREASE Original is an oil-based lube and it’s not for use with latex condoms. But if you and your playmate don’t have to worry about stuff like that, then have yourself a ball…or two.”
Ken: “This shit is great for those marathon jerkoff sessions us men really love. Well, I do anyhow. Listen, if it can stand up to intense ass play, you know for certain that it will serve you and your palm very well.
Speaking of the hot set up for pullin your pud, try yourself some ELBOW GREASE Hot Light. It’s kinda like the original formula, but it has menthol that heats things up pretty nice. Ya rub it in and in a matter of moments things are warming up in more ways than one. It’s the kind of warmth that you’d experience if you were rubbing skin on skin without any lube. It’s a real treat.”

Denise: “I really got off on this stuff too when I played with myself one afternoon. The warming sensation is not in anyway over the top; as I feared it might be. It’s warm, not burny. I have pretty sensitive skin, so at first I was a little leery of using it internally. But there were no adverse effects, I’m happy to report.”
Ken: “I had the opportunity to compare the thickness, creaminess, and viscosity of the two products and I decided that I prefer the ELBOW GREASE Hot Light formula. I guess I just prefer the subtlety.”
Denise: “I, on the other hand, prefer the ELBOW GREASE Original formula. I like the density and I know that it’s going to do the job, especially when I’m enjoying by butt.”
Ken: You can get creative with the hot formula too. Rub it on nipples and feet, your balls will love it too.

Parachute Ball Stretcher & Pyramid Studded Cock Strap

Parachute Ball Stretcher —— $24.95

3 Snap Pyramid Studded Cock Strap —— $7.70

Mick & Chuck
Mick: “We have two great fun toys to tell you about. There’s a Ball Stretcher and a Cock Strap.”
Chuck: “You can use these together or separately. But we want to talk about them one at a time.”
Mick: “First up let’s take a look at this fine Pyramid Studded Cock Strap. It’s the perfect cock and ball accessory and it’s functional too. Cockrings or, in this case, a strap are the first line of defense for erections. I think if more men knew about and used one of these devices there’d be less need for ED meds, like Viagra.”
Chuck: “Mick and I have a big collection of rings and straps between us. We both love the way they strengthen our erections. I’m partial to the strap kind of device, like this Pyramid Studded Cock Strap. It’s easily adjusted for whatever kind of look I’m going for. Say I want a nice hard cock to pound some hot ass. I simply tighten the strap till it’s snug. But if I want to use it as jewelry to dress up my junk like for walkin around a sex club or a play party; well there’s nothing better than a studded cock strap. It beautifully frames your cock and balls. It has three snaps so it adjusts from 1.75 to 3 inches in diameter.”
Mick: “The black leather and studs are hot! Ya know, I’m seeing more and more younger guys using a strap like the Pyramid Studded Cock Strap on their wrist these days. Is it a fashion statement, or is it just that they want to be prepared for the unexpected hookup that could occur at any time?”
Chuck: “Either way, the Pyramid Studded Cock Strap is great. One thing you should know, however, is that ya gotta keep the strap clean if you want it to look its best and last. Wipe it down with a cloth dampened with warm soapy water and let it dry fully. Oil based lubes will take a toll on the leather if not cared for properly.”
Mick: “Good point!
Now let’s move on to the Parachute Ball Stretcher. Chuck has a set of beautiful low hanging balls. I dig this look a lot. I, on the other hand, was not so blessed. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have what I admire. All I have to do is work on it and they will be mine.”
Chuck: “That’s where the Parachute Ball Stretcher comes in. Ya strap the black leather parachute thingy on to your ball sack snug up against your cock. This allows the chains suspended from it to hang free. And this is where things get interesting. With the Parachute Ball Stretcher in place, you can add weights to it; ya know for stretching your nut sack. No weights come with this package, but it’s not too difficult to find even makeshift weights around the house; and then there’s always the hardware store. There’s a O-ring on the end of the chains that make attaching the weights a snap.”
Mick: “If you’ve never tried ball stretching you’re in for a treat. It is very erotic and it actually works to add some length to how your jewels hang. I get off on this thing big time. The leather parachute is comfortable to wear for extended periods of time. My only caution to you is that you start out slow. Don’t go piling on the weights till you know what you’re doing.”
Chuck: “Like I said at the beginning, you can use these two things together, or separately.”
Mick: “Make your cock hard as a rock and/or stretch out your ball sack. Either way you win.”
Chuck: “And you’ll look hot doing either or both.”

Rechargeable Infrared Playpal

Rechargeable Infrared Playpal —— $23.43

Jada
What we have here is a 7-inch, hard plastic, waterproof, rechargeable, dual-speed vibe. And if California Exotic, the manufacturer of the Rechargeable Infrared Playpal, had left it at that I’d have a sturdy basic vibe that I could recommend.

Unfortunately they decided to add some kind of cockamamie infrared heating element on the tip of the massager and they messed up the whole damn thing in the process.

Not only does the heating element not noticeably warm up, but in order to place it in the tip of the vibe they had to add this rubber flange or seal so as to keep the thing waterproof. And there in lies the problem. This flange, or whatever you call it, has a completely different texture than the hard smooth plastic. So even with lube this becomes a major sticking point, both literally and figuratively. It makes it impossible to be used on delicate parts, let alone insertion. Think of it rubber patch on a slippery slide. All is well till you hit that patch; then look out! This is particularly true for use in water where lube would be ineffectual.

From the looks of the package this item is designed to appeal to a younger crowd. And perhaps younger people have yet to acquire the ability to discern between a good product and one that sucks…and not in a good way. But the Rechargeable Infrared Playpal will help them figure this out in short order. Because, despite the other laudable aspects of the vibe — waterproof, rechargeable, dual-speed — it’s not worth the twenty-some bucks you’d have to pay for it.

Sex Toys & Vibrators

Erotic Sex Positions DVD

Erotic Sex Positions DVD —— $18.57

Angie
I have the pleasure of introducing you to a wonderful educational DVD for couples. This is the very first video of its kind that I’ve ever seen. And I must say, I liked it very much.

I’ve watched some porn in my day. I can’t say that it turns me on all that much, especially the stuff that my husband enjoys. I know it’s all fantasy and I know that most of it is purposely geared to horny straight males, but the women in the movies are almost always characteratures; nothing more than sexual objects and bimbos. I find that annoying and not the least bit sexy.

I know this is going to sound weird coming from a straight married woman of my age, but I really like gay porn. There, I’ve finally said it out loud.

Anyhow, back to the Erotic Sex Positions DVD. This is sure enough sexually explicit, but it definitely isn’t porn. It’s instructional in nature. It’s presented by two women who work in porn — Crystal Lowe and Natasha Ray. This is a big plus in my book. They set a perfect tone for what we see in this DVD. By the way, they also collaborated on another video — ‘Seductive Sex Positions’.

This DVD features 27 erotic techniques and sexual positions. It has an instructional play mode and a lovemaking play mode. So you can use it to learn something new or use it as background sexual enhancement. There are three different couples in the movie, which adds to the interest level. It has what they call a ‘Tantalizing Foreplay Teaser,’ which is also fun. And there are interactive menus too. In other words, this is a pretty elaborate presentation and very professionally produced.

The hosts provide instructions while the couples demonstrate. Some of the positions are for the more adventurous. And frankly, one would need to be very fit, trim, lithe and supple to pull them off. But they were fun to watch nonetheless even if my husband and I could never do them.

This is an ideal sexual enhancement DVD for straight couples, even ones squeamish about nudity and sex. You should also know that there are no intense close-ups of penetration or anything off-putting like that.

Sex Toys & Vibrators

Titanmen Vibrations #3 Master

Titanmen Vibrations #3 Master —— $21.87

Glenn & Hank
Glenn: “First off; Hank and I are Titan Media’s biggest fans. You don’t know Titan Media? Get with it, fuckers! They’re about the best gay porn producers out there. Check it out. And a big shout out to our favorite Titan star, Tony Buff.”
Hank: “The reason Glenn said what he did about Titan Media is because today we have one of their signature toys to review. It’s called the Titanmen Vibrations #3 Master. We’ve seen these online for months now and have been itchin’ to get our paws on some of these.”
Glenn: “The Vibrations #3 Master is so hot lookin. It big; it’s bold; it’s ribbed and it’s my favorite color — black.”
Hank: “If I know Glenn, and I think I do, his rosebud was twitchin’ in anticipation of this billy club of a vibe landin’ where the sun don’t shine.”
Glenn: “Oh man; I could hardly wait to get it out of the package.”
Hank: “It’s waterproof, bendable and truly man-sized. It’s powered by 2 AA batteries, which are not included in the package.”
Glenn: “So I rip through the package to get hold of this monster and low and behold the thing smells totally funky. It has this strong odor of off gas that tells me this thing is not made of quality materials. Don’t know what off gas is; look it up! You’ll be just as freaked out as me.
This really sucks, in my humble opinion. The package says that it’s made of Silagel. Never heard of it. But it is supposed to be anti-bacterial, non-toxic and latex free. If it’s non-toxic; what’s causing the smell?”
Hank: “We’ve been doing these reviews long enough to know that when a toy smells funny, like this one does, we know not to use it on, or in our bodies. Our noses are our first line of defense against harmful materials. Your nose should be too.”
Glenn: “So I scrubbed the blasted thing down with soap and hot water before using it. There was still a faint smell after its bath, so I decided to slip a condom over it before I had Hank shoved it in my ass.”
Hank: “The condom, while a wise precaution, really took away from the kick-ass look of the toy. And that’s really too bad. I wonder why Titan didn’t insist on silicone for their signature line. Everything else they do is first class, why not their toys? Most of us don’t mind paying a bit more for a quality toy. Know what I mean?”
Glenn: “So anyhow, with new batteries in place I tested out the vibration. It’s pretty wimpy in terms of vibration, even at the highest speed.”
Hank: “And the rheostat kinda speed adjustment thingy on the toy’s base is pathetically second rate.”
Glenn: “The Vibrations #3 Master looks like it’s made to last; the packaging says it’s indestructible. That’s bull-oney! Closer inspection shows it to be a cheap crummy toy. But then again, ya can’t really expect otherwise for $20.”
Hank: “I hate when this happens. We both were so psyched to finally own one of these toys. But in the end, it was disappointment-ville all the way. Come on Titan; you surely can do better than this.”

Sex Toys & Vibrators