Sue Johanson Head Honcho —— $13.97
I’m up first today with the Head Honcho, a sex toy endorsed by sex educator and host of television’s Sex Talk With Sue Johanson. This thing is supposed to mimic a blowjob. Well, I’ve had my share of hummers and the Head Honcho doesn’t come close to a blowjob.
One thing I want to point out from the start. The Adult Sex Toys .com says that the Head Honcho is made of silicone. But it is not silicone. That’s gotta be a typo, because it is really made of TPR (Thermoplastic Rubber), or so says the packaging. Actually, when I first pulled it out of the box I thought for sure it was jelly latex. Hey, maybe there’s no difference between the two.
At any rate, this mystery material surely contain latex and phthalates; I looked it up online. And for me phthalates are a no no. That’s strike 1! It has a cloying chemical smell, which also kinda smells like cherry Kool-Aid. Ick! Dr Dick calls off gas. This was a boner killer let me tell ya. This is strike 2.
I decided to wash it to rid it of some of the smell. The bath helped, but then the Head Honcho got all sticky. I tried to dry it off with a towel, but that made matters worse. It got all linty and gross. This was strike 3. I was about to skip the whole damn thing when I called Dr Dick for advice. He told me to let it completely air dry then dust it with body powder or cornstarch. This was supposed to cut down on the stickiness. This intervention sorta saved the day.
With all that prep work behind me I finally settled down to some hot porn, some nice water based lube and the considerably less tacky Head Honcho. Because the masturbator is so soft and floppy, it was hard to plug my cock into the mouth-shaped aperture in the front of the toy. Besides that, the hole isn’t very big and I’m pretty hung, so there’s that. Strike 4!
Once I finally got it on my cock I could feel the suction chambers in the neck of the toy. That was kinda cool. But again something happened that killed my boner. There is no bottom or closed base to this thing. And before I knew it the lube I used in the Head Honcho to pave the way for my cock began to dribble out the base. Ok, so that was my fault, not the fault of the toy. But damn, that sure as hell wrecked the moment.
I did finally finish myself off this one time with the Head Honcho. It was a pretty ok nut. But considering the work I had to do just to squeeze one out, it hardly seems worth the effort.
I did the necessary clean up — soap and water, air dry, body powder — after I shot my load. Then I just put the Head Honcho back in the plastic bag it came in and hid it in the back of a drawer. I don’t see me using this ever again.