BODY HEAT Self Warming Vibe

BODY HEAT Self Warming Vibe —— $250.28

Jada
About 10 years ago, when I was still a sweet impressionable young thing, I briefly dated (2 times) this guy who drove this totally pimped out Hummer. I mean this thing was obscenely gauche. Besides being a outrageous monument to conspicuous consumption, it was also extremely loud and ridiculously uncomfortable. It was like riding in a tank. And I practically needed a stepladder to enter and exit the behemoth. I felt like I was getting in and out of a cartoon car.

But the guy couldn’t have been more proud of his ride. He insisted that it was the consummate babe magnet. (I don’t know either; I just chalked it up to being a guy thing.) Little did he know that when he pulled up to a club all the women would giggle and snicker. I guess none of his women “friends” thought to tell him about our inside joke — BCLD — Big Car; Little Dick!

I realize that this is a somewhat long-winded intro to a toy review, but my little reminiscence was the first thing to come to mind when I was handed the BODY HEAT Self Warming Vibe to review.

Let’s start with the presentation. One would never know from just looking at the package that the BODY HEAT was so damned expensive. It comes in a nondescript carton that covers an equally nondescript plastic clamshell. All the other high-end toys I know of come in swank gift boxes, but not the BODY HEAT. It’s packaging looks like it belongs to a toy a fraction of its cost.

Ok, so we ought not judge a book by it’s cover right? I take BODY HEAT home and take it out of the package to see what’s what. Here’s what i found — a 7” shaft sits atop a 3.5” hard plastic base. The heart of the shaft is made up of pleasure “beads” that rotate. There are three rotation programs and each can be adjusted to eight speeds. The shaft is sheathed in a 100% silicone sleeve that is lavender in color. The sleeve also has a series of very stimulating ridges and is topped off with a flattened arrowhead shaped tip; perfect for G-spot stimulation. The sheath of silicone also covers embedded heating coils and a digital stabilizer that is supposed to keep the vibrator temperature at 100 or 120 degrees F. Supposedly, the warmer temperatures make the shaft easier to insert. But that would only be true of the tip of the vibe warmed up, which it doesn’t. However, the lower 1/3 of the vibe shaft does stay warm throughout use.

The base of BODY HEAT houses the control panel and a LCD display that shows the temp, the rotation program and speed. A rechargeable lithium battery fits inside the base. But wait! Some assembly is required. Get this, you need a teeny tiny phillips-head screwdriver, the kind a jeweler would use, to install the battery. Do you have one of those lying around your house? I don’t! I thought to myself; swell, now what am I supposed to do? After calling everyone I knew to see if they had one, I finally got hold of my sweet lesbian sister-in-law. Sure enough, she had just the thing. Wouldn’t you just know it? Dykes are such lifesavers. The BODY HEAT also comes with a recharger.

If all this weren’t enough, the BODY HEAT also comes with a removable vibrating clit stimulator (with batteries) in the shape of a rabbit that is supposed to be able to double as a cock ring. This is a brilliant idea, but there’s a rub. If you use it as a cockring your partner’s unit has to be at least the same girth as the BODY HEAT vibe. My partner is…how shall I say this…not so blessed. He did try to stretch it around his penis and ball sack like he wears a regular cockring, but there wasn’t enough give in the silicone. This made it way too tight to wear. So we never were able to try out that function. Back to the drawing board on that feature!

The tricked out BODY HEAT weighs in at a very hefty 15+oz. That’s a handful and then some.

Are you getting the picture why I began with story about that pimped out Hummer? I though you would. Sometimes too much is just that; too much.

Before I continue my review I just want to say that, if I had to guess, the BODY HEAT was designed and developed by a man, or more likely, a committee of men. They may have been well intentioned men, but I’d be willing to wager that there was no female input on this at all. Only a guy would dream up something like this. The reason I say this is that I have a bunch of women friends and we all have a ton of sex toys and not one of us has ever thought to ourselves; gee, I need to get me a vibe that does everything but make supper. Or gee, my vibe is cold; I need to get one with a heater. The reason I know this is because I asked all my friends this very question after I started toying around with the BODY HEAT. And while I admit that my sampling is not of the scientific variety, I’m still willing to wager that this is accurate.

To be fair, BODY HEAT does everything it says it will and it does it very well. Like I mentioned above I love the ribbed silicone shaft. But I think I have to quibble with calling the BODY HEAT a vibrator. It doesn’t really vibrate; there’s a rotating motion in the upper 1/3 of the shaft. And like I already mentioned, the heating element only warms the lower 1/3 of the shaft. The flattened arrowhead shaped head of the BODY HEAT neither vibrates or warms. I found that a bit curious, but there you have it.

The detachable rabbit vibe is indeed an actual vibe. And I really like that I can position it anywhere on the shaft. This works for me because the last thing I want to have happen is to have the bunny ears hit me in the clit when I’m thrusting to stimulate my G-spot. That is not pleasurable; it hurts.

The heating element was nice, I guess. But the silicone sheathe is so buttery soft that it would have conformed to my body temperature anyway, as all good silicone does.

I would gladly exchange the heating function in the BODY HEAT for it to be waterproof. For those of us gals who ejaculate when we stimulate our G-spot, a waterproof insertable or vibe is much preferred. Not only is this vibe is not waterproof; it doesn’t even have a cover for the recharge port. That just invites the early demise of this very expensive toy. If you get the port wet, or worse lube gets inside of it, you’ll be SOL (shit out of luck). Come on guys, you should know that good sex is messy sex, right? It’s like you designed this totally tricked out Hummer of a vibe but forgot the windshield.

I give the BODY HEAT extra points for it being rechargeable. And the lithium battery does hold a charge even under the demanding conditions of heating and rotating the shaft.

I wanted to be more upbeat in my appraisal of this fantastically pricey item, but I just couldn’t see my way to doing that and still be honest. Sorry Pipedream Products.

MONA by LELO

MONA Red —— $139

Angie
I’ve been watching for and reading about how many of my fellow Review Crew members have been enjoying their LELO toys. I don’t mind telling you that I have been more than a little envious of my friends, their toys and all the fun they’ve had. But now I finally have my very own LELO to tell you about.

This beautiful Pleasure Object is called MONA. And she is all LELO. By that I mean she comes in her own LELO signature packaging. Actually there are layers and layers of packaging. Inside the bright red glossy outer package there is a black matte finish inner box with a lift-off lid. Inside that there is an embossed lift-out carton that contains the vibe itself. Under that there are two separate compartments; one containing a satin drawstring storage bag and the recharging unit and the other containing a warranty pamphlet, an elaborate multi-language user manual and a glossy mini catalog of some of their products. Is this too much packaging? I’m sure many will think so. But it is a beautiful presentation for those lucky enough to be receiving MONA as a gift.

Once inside the box I am surprised to discover that MONA is considerably smaller than the packaging suggests. It’s just less than 8″ long, with an insertable length of no more than 4″. The insertable end is flared; a bulbous oval that is actually a very modest size. The thickest part being only about 4.5″, which slims down the curved shaft to down to about 2.75”. This makes it great for G-spot stimulation.

The vibrations can be used for clitoral stimulation as well. The insertable part of MONA has a soft and luscious red silicone skin (it also comes in purple) that is hypoallergenic. She sports a sweetly quiet motor that delivers the multi-speed and multi-pulsations. And the best part is she’s rechargeable! I love that I’ll never have to feed her batteries to make me happy. And when she’s happy; she make me VERY happy!

You must only use a water based lube with this silicone beauty. And you must keep your hands free of lubricant in order to adjust the controller. This wasn’t always easy to do. In fact, if I had to nitpick, I’d have to say that the controller was more difficult to use than I would have ever imagined. I wonder if others have a similar experience?

Like I noticed that the pulsations didn’t always change when I pressed the up button. In fact, I was certain I had broken MONA at one point, because nothing happened when I pressed the buttons. Maybe I just needed to apply more pressure or be more patient or something. But the indicator light in the controller went on, so I assumed that was all that needed to make things happen. In my estimation, the controller is the weakest part of the LELO design.

MONA comes already charged, which is very thoughtful. And it is so easy to charge. Just plug in the adapter and let it juice itself up. But be mindful that MONA should not be charged for more than 24 hours, as she will overheat. Here’s something else I noticed, when I used the highest speed and the steady vibration, I noticed a “singing” sound that concerned me a bit. I thought perhaps I was overly stressing MONA. As I precaution, I decided to dial her down, so to speak. I didn’t want to knock her out.

Here’s something really important you should know; MONA is splash proof, not waterproof. There is little rubber cover that protects the charging port from moisture. But if you somehow get water in there, which is very easy to do; or worse lube, be sure to let the thing dry completely before you try to recharge.

Clean up is easy with mild soap and warm water. You can also wipe it down with a lint-free towel moistened with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution.

MONA sleeps in her satin storage bag, where she waits for me to arouse her. And she is always glad to see me. MONA comes with a 1-year warranty that covers her working parts. Her 10 year guarantee states that if anything goes wrong with MONA at any time in the 10 years you own her, you can return her for disposal, and LELO will give you 50% off your next order from their web store. So there’s that.

MONA is definitely for the high-end consumer. I am so glad to have her in my life, but I don’t see how I could ever justify the hefty price tag if I were buying her for myself. I know that LELO is a quality name brand; I believe with all my heart that we consumers should be buying quality, but my meager salary makes that kind of extravagance impossible. However, I will always gladly accept LELO as a gift. Hint, hint!

Leather Wrist Restraints W/Red Hearts

Leather Wrist Restraints W/Red Hearts —— $39.20

Ken & Denise
Denise: “We scored big time with these fantastic Leather Wrist Restraints. These things are the real deal too.”
Ken: “Yeah, I was hoping we’d finally score some good kinky shit, because we were getting tired of reviewing the awful stuff that had been coming our way lately.”
Denise: “So true! But these beautiful black Leather Wrist Restraints with the playful red leather heart inlay design make up for recent disappointments.”
Ken: “Like Denise said; these are the real deal — sturdy black leather and metal studs and buckles. Very hot!”
Denise: “They are comfortable, because they are totally adjustable. There are 11 holes for the buckle. I have very small wrists and Ken has massive wrists and these Leather Wrist Restraints fit us both. They don’t have a lining, like some restraints I’ve seen, but the leather is soft and the edges are sealed and rounded so they don’t cut off my circulation when I’m wearing them.”
Ken: “They also work as ankle restraints for Denise, because she is so petite. But they aren’t big enough for my ankles. I wonder; do they make matching ankle restraints in a men’s size?”
Denise: “If you think you may enjoy a little role-play or power-play, these are the Leather Wrist Restraints for you. They are relatively inexpensive, but they are built to last.
Ken: “And it’s so easy to create a competent bondage scenario with these babies and some bondage rope. Think of an under the mattress or through the bedposts setup that will provide loads of fun for both the bottom and the top.”
Denise: “Treat your leather toys with care and they will last and last. We have this wonderful leather cleaner that is just perfect for maintaining and conditioning all our leather stuff.”

This sex toy review sponsored by Adult Sex Toys: over 8,000 sex toys and adult toys to choose from.

25.5” Red Metallic Heart Bat

25.5” Red Metallic Heart Bat —— $24.93

Christa
They call this thing a Red Metallic Heart Bat, but it looks, feels and handles more like a riding crop. But whatever you call it, it is fuckin SWEET!

I brought the Red Metallic Heart Bat home the other day; pulled it out of the bag and I thought my sub, butt-boy BF, Alex , was gonna swoon. I know I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating. He’s like this total ass whore. I was his first girlfriend to finger him and play with his prostate. Now it’s fuck me; fuck me; fuck me all the time. So now I have a little something to smack his ass with when I’m pegging the livin’ daylights out of him.

A crop is not as painful as a paddle, but it still offers up a great sting. And if you smack the bare skin just right, besides getting a very satisfying snap, you get this adorable heart imprint. Nothing says love to your sub like a heart-shaped welt on his behind.

The Red Metallic Heart Bat is exceptionally stylish as well as being very practical. It’s 25.5” long; it has black plastic stitching up the length of the stem, which is topped off with the red leather heart. It has a leatherette handle with nice metal finishings.

I have to admit I got totally wet the first time I used this crop on Alex. I had him bend over the arm of the couch and drop his drawers. He, of course, obediently obliged me. I came up behind him and began to tickle his ass and balls with Red Metallic Heart Bat. He immediately got hard and started to ooze precum. I spread his legs farther apart and lubed up his hole. I had his favorite butt plug lubed and ready. As I placed it against his pucker and pressed it home, I brought down the crop with a snap. I swear; Alex didn’t know what hit him. He let out with an animal like sound; a kind of howl and a scream together, so I knew I hit my mark, both literally and figuratively.

Next came the strap on and the evening progressed like this till we were both completely satisfied and his cheeks were glowing.

There is nothing like playing with the Pain/Pleasure principle. If you haven’t tried it, you really ought to. I have a feeling there’s a latent dominatrix in a lot of the women out there. For an investment of under $25, you could make this happen in your life. GO FOR IT!

This sex toy review sponsored by Adult Sex Toys: over 8,000 sex toys and adult toys to choose from.

Nipplettes

Nipplettes Purple —— $20.45

Jack & Karen
Jack: “So here’s some fun for everyone.Nipplettes are cute vibrating tit clamps.”
Karen: “They are adjustable, although they never really clamp all that tightly. Which makes them great for beginners. They are easy to operate; a simple one push-button control turns them on and off. There’s just the one speed.”
Jack: “Nipplettes don’t have a very strong bullet vibe either. But I guess novice players wouldn’t want the vibration to be all that strong anyway, right?”
Karen: “Nipplettes look like clothes pins with the bullet vibe inside the top of the clamp. They are made of plastic with a rubber coating that makes them even less scary to play with.”
Jack: “They are battery operated, but not waterproof. The package says they are waterproof, but they are NOT. So be careful there. Karen mentioned they are adjustable; and they are. You adjust them by twisting a small plastic screw on the base of the clamp.”
Karen: “The vibe is relatively quiet, but they do have a tendency to rattle, which was a little annoying.”
Jack: “We found that Nipplettes can only be used while laying down. Since the clamping action isn’t very strong they tend to fall off if you’re standing of sitting. This was the really annoying part. I mean if you can’t move around while they’re on, what good are they?”
Karen: “Oh, and we happily discovered that Nipplettes are not just for your nipples. In fact, I think they are better suited to other parts of the body. I used them on my labia and clit and totally loved it. Jack used them on his foreskin and his testicles, and he like that a lot too.”
Jack: “Yeah, the best thing about the Nipplettes is that you can be so creative with them. You can use them on all your sensitive parts without fear that they will hurt you.”
Karen: “Remember these are for fun. If you’re looking for the kind of clamps that will make you squirm, you’ll need to look elsewhere.”
Jack: “Yeah, but strategically placing them on your cock or pussy will provide you with the kind of fun you couldn’t get from hardcore clamps. So there’s that.”

This sex toy review sponsored by Adult Sex Toys: over 8,000 sex toys and adult toys to choose from.

Pecker Ball Gag

Pecker Ball Gag —— $9.59

Brad
I though to myself, so ok I know this isn’t a professional grade ball gag, but it could be fun. And I was right…at least the first couple of times me and the GF played around with the Pecker Ball Gag.

It has this soft, little penis shaped gag the size and shape of a Champagne cork. It’s not really a gag, because you actually bite down on it. So it’s more like for show than it is for serious. But we knew this is just for fun and it would be the perfect thing for beginners.

The “gag” stays in place by means of an adjustable leather strap, which is pretty sturdy, but not all that long. So if you have a big head like me, you won’t be the one wearing the gag.

So far so good, right?

Unfortunately there are these two other little straps on either side of the gag that that connects it to the sturdy neck strap and they are like totally fuckin lame. We used the Pecker Ball Gag exactly twice before one of the little straps broke rendering the entire thing useless. WTF? This just goes to show you that a toy is only as good as its weakest part.

Great idea, piss-poor execution, that is if you ask me. But what can you expect from something under $10?

This sex toy review sponsored by Adult Sex Toys: over 8,000 sex toys and adult toys to choose from.