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VërSpanken by Big Teaze Toys

VërSpanken Bumpy —— $31.29
VërSpanken Smooth Water Wieners —— $24.99


Jack & Karen
Karen: “My goodness, it’s been over a year since our last review. Where does the time go? We were busy with a move and then we welcomed a baby boy, our first, into our family. No wonder we’ve been out of the loop for so long.”
Jack: “Well, we’re glad to be back. And we have an amazing product to tell you about. It’s called a VërSpanken. I have the bumpy one, but it also comes in smooth and wavy. I’ll get to that in a minute.”
Karen: “I was kinda hoping we’d get a couple-oriented product as our first toy of the new year, so I was a little disappointed when I discovered the VërSpanken is toy for guys. That’s what I thought until I took a closer look.”
Jack: “It’s true, the VërSpanken is a male masturbation toy, but Karen and I have been using it together and having a ball. I only wish I had this thing that last couple of months of Karen’s pregnancy. I wouldn’t have worn out my hand quite so much.”VER-SPANKEN-WAVY-WITH-FOAMWIENERS-SOLID-PURPLE
Karen: “Since the baby I haven’t been feeling as sexy as I used to. I’m so glad my libido is slowly returning. But I still don’t often feel like getting involved in full-on sex and that’s where the VërSpanken really comes in handy. I don’t have to leave Jack high and dry just because I don’t feel like sex.”
Jack: “Ok, I think it’s high time for us to tell you everything you need to know about the VërSpanken. I know this is gonna sound weird, but my initial impression was that it looked like this big alien pussy.”
Karen: “He was looking at it vertically, but if you turn it sideways and look at it horizontally, it looks like a big alien mouth. It’s actually pretty comical.”
Jack: “Karen’s right! I guess you can tell I had pussy on the brain  when I first saw the VërSpanken. That’s what happens when you go without for so long. Anyhow, there’s this black hard plastic housing that is hinged at the base and snaps shut at the top. When you open the black plastic case you see two foam inserts. These inserts come in three fun vibrant colors and three textures. These inserts are made of TPR (Thermo Plastic Rubber).”
Karen: “Here’s how it works. You open the black plastic housing, lube up the deliciously spongy inserts, put your man’s penis between them and close the housing once again. It looks hilarious, but it drove Jack crazy with pleasure. The inserts make an encompassing sensation. You can move it up and down over the penis or twist it from side to side.”
Jack: “It’s true! It’s totally wacky, but oh so effective. Pumping my dick in and out of the VërSpanken is a kick. It’s so tight and the sensations are fantastic. I’ve used a few masturbation sleeves in the past, but I’ve never felt anything like this. It’s a one-size-fits-all kind a thing, and for once that claim is actually true. No matter the size of your cock, the VërSpanken will work for you.”water wieners
Karen: “But that’s not all! Along with the VërSpanken we also got two additional inserts called Water Wieners. Here’s where it really gets fun. The Water Wieners are like water balloons that you can heat or chill before popping them into the black plastic housing. This adds to the sensation play. One evening last week I blindfolded Jack and restrained his hands so he couldn’t touch his penis. I replaced the bumpy foam inserts with the warmed Water Wieners, lubed up the VërSpanken, and slipped it over his erection. I thought he was going to hit the roof.”
Jack: “Damn right! Holy shit, what a rush. I didn’t know if the Water Wieners were going to cold or hot and I had no control over how the Karen was using it on me. She just did what she pleased till I begged her to make me cum.”
Karen: “I loved being in control of his orgasm like that. Obviously a guy can use the VërSpanken solo, but I think couple fun is the best. I also like that it’s so easy clean. The squishy inserts easily pop out of the hard plastic housing and everything goes into a sink with warm soapy water. Then rinse and air dry; it couldn’t be easier. It’s safe, fun, and eco-friendly.”
Jack: “You can use any type of lube you like — water-based or silicone-based. It’s waterproof, so you can use it in the shower or tub. This about the most fun I’ve had with a male-oriented sex toy in like forever. The innovative low-tech design is brilliant. No batteries! No recharger! And just look at the price. Even if you include a set of Water Wieners you’re gonna come away spending half of what you might spend on one of the high-end masturbators on the market. And I can assure you, you will have more fun with this than with all those other product combined. Fantastic product Big Teaze Toys. You rock!”

Onyé by Big Teaze

Onyé ——  $55.00

I’m delighted to have this beautiful vibe to share with you.  It’s one of the Big Teaze elegant B-3 line called, Onyé!  I don’t know how to pronounce that, nor do I know what the word means.  But they could have called it anything and it would still be the very stylish discreet vibe it is.419W+DHfGaL._SS500_

Onyé has eight separate massage modes (3 speeds and 5 pulse patterns).  This little powerhouse is packed into a 4.5″ x 1.25” bullet made of gleaming black virgin ABS with a tasteful silicone band.  The non-slip grip silicone band is perfect for keeping lubed fingers from slipping.  All of this comes in sophisticated packaging including a satin-lined storage and brochure.  You can tell that a lot of thought went into this presentation.

It’s splash proof, not waterproof.  I wouldn’t use it in the bath, but it was fine in the shower.

The battery compartment is easy to open; thank you very much!  It runs on 3-AAA batteries (not included in the package).  Figuring out how the batteries are to be placed in the compartment was a bit of a puzzle till I noticed the tiny-tiny diagrams on the side of the compartment.  I really needed my reading glasses for that.

There is just the one button operation on the base of the vibe, which means you have to cycle through all of the modes to locate the sensation best suited to your mood, or to turn it off.  That might be aggravating to some, but it wasn’t an issue for me necessarily.

Onyé is not the most powerful vibe I own, but I don’t expect that in such a petite package.  It is, however, a go anywhere vibe that slips easily into my purse.  One never knows when one’s going to need a little…how should I say this; boost during the day.

This massager is not super quiet as are some of my silicone vibes.  But the hard plastic shell delivers more of the vibration then does the silicone vibes do.  Oddly enough, silicone seems to cushion the vibration.

I’m happy to recommend this beautiful toy as a gift to yourself or someone special.

Super Flower Power: 2 Piece Bouquet

Finally, Madora, has something fun from Big Teaze Toys to show you.

Super Flower Power: 2 Piece Bouquet —— $29.99

Home; batteries included (triple A), YES!  I love it when that happens.  Inside there’s a bonus Flower Power keychain, a mini version of the vibe that looks like a little daisy without the stem, this one even comes with bonus extra batteries (the little watch kind), EXCELLENT!sfp-500px

My first impression is that the vibrating part, the center of the flower, is a little hard for me.  At least for direct contact with my “flower”.  The center of the flower is hard plastic.  But I like the soft petals which spread the vibes out from its petals to yours.  It’s like a gentle labia massage, which is cool and rare in a vibrator.  These are especially nice if you use a little lube on the petals.

I’m starting to get used to the texture and hardness. I actually like it and like the strength of the vibe when I’m using it through my clothes, the barrier makes it not seem so hard and yet it’s still able to convey strong enough vibes right through to where they’re needed.  I was thinking it could be fun for when you want to tease your partner right through her clothes. Did I mention these toys are waterproof?

All in all it definitely did the trick but when I really start to get into it, either with the vibe or the little keychain, the soft petal ring pops right off the vibrator.  I either hafta kinda hold it on, or stop and put it back on, if I wanna keep playing with that part.  So that’s a bummer.

The keychain has been a godsend.  I’m on a trip right now and brought it with me and wasn’t concerned about security seeing it,  It just looks like a toy.  I ended up having cramps and everyone knows an orgasm is the best thing for cramps so I put it to use, you know, for medicinal purposes.

It’s small enough where it’s super discreet and even if you saw it your mind wouldn’t initially make the connection or the assumption that it’s a vibrator.  It isn’t exactly super quiet, so I wouldn’t want to bust it out in a public bathroom or anything, but it’s certainly convenient.  It’s only got one speed, and it’s pretty strong, again I prefer to use this one through my panties, because of it’s a hard texture.

In the end it made rainbows and smiley faces come out of me when I came, at least that’s what it felt like to me.  It’s not my first pick but it’s fun and I’d love to use it in a photo shoot sometime.

Dai-Dö No 6

Dai-Dö No 6 ——  $58.99

Gina & Kevin

Gina:  “Dr Dick is right, Kevin and I are familiar with Big Teaze Toys.  We’ve already reviewed I Rub My Duckie and I Rub My Wormie.”
Kevin:  “We still play with our Big Teaze Toys in the bath.  They never grow old.”
Gina:  “Our previous reviews were of the playful side of Big Teaze Toys. Today we bring you their sophisticated side.  Have you ever seen anything like this before?  I hadn’t.  But I’m sure glad we lucked out and scored this review.”
Kevin:  “We’ve come to expect the unexpected from Big Teaze Toys.  Like the bath toys that are fun, functional and yet real conversation pieces, Dai-Dö No 6 is all that and more.  It has a distinctive teardrop shape that is stunningly elegant.  We have the ruby red one.  It’s fashioned from a superior grade aluminum alloy and stainless steel for a lifetime of pleasure.  This also means that Dai-Dö No 6 can be both chilled and warmed to suit your mood and add to the sensations.”
Gina:  “And pleasure you will have!  You see it weighs in at nearly 12oz, which is the secret to its hands-free pleasuring capacity.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.  The bulb-shaped handle is ringed with black silicone that allows you to grip it easily, even with lubed fingers.  We used water-based lube so as not to damage the silicone band.”
Kevin:  “Dai-Dö No 6 is all about G-spot and P-spot pleasuring!  Once the teardrop end is inserted in either pussy or butt-hole the weighted handle does it’s magic.  Because of its unique shape you can even use Dai-Dö No 6 as either a butt plug or a pussy plug.”
Gina:  “And here’s the kicker; this is the most perfect implement I’ve ever used for doing Kegel exercises.  You simply can’t beat it!”
Kevin:  “Gina is right!  I can flex and tone my ass muscles as well as do my Kegels.”  It’s like weight training for my asshole…literally!”
Gina:  “The same is true for my vaginal muscles; it’s brilliant.  Don’t get us wrong; like I said a bit ago, this is a potent pleasure tool.  I elevate my pelvis on some pillows, insert Dai-Dö No 6, manually position it to make love to my G-spot, then rapidly flex my vaginal muscles to make Dai-Dö No 6 bounce.  My hands were free to roam my body from nipples to clit.”
Kevin:  “I did the same thing only through the backdoor.  I can’t get over how great the heft feels.  Just contracting my sphincter make the Dai-Dö No 6 dance.”
Gina:  “It’s the ideal toy for solo play, but it’s just as functional in couple play.”
Kevin:  “And because Dai-Dö No 6 is made of a nonporous material, it’s easily sterilized for sharing. Mild soap and water to clean; a 10% bleach solution, boiling or the dishwasher to disinfect.  Obviously it’s waterproof, but you’ve already figured that out, huh?”
Gina:  “Dai-Dö No 6 comes in chic, but not excessive packaging.  The Big Teaze Toys folks also include a sweet satin pouch for storage.  I’m in love with Dai-Dö No 6.  You will be too”
Kevin:  “Take it from me, guys (or gals even).  If you’re into training your butt for all the pleasure it can deliver, there’s no finer tool than the Dai-Dö No 6.  Get one today!


I Rub My Duckie, I Rub My Wormie

Gina & Kevin introduce us to a couple of lovable toys for the big kid in all of us.  These come from the good people at Big Teaze Toys.  Dr Dick gives a bunch of extra points for the delightful names.  You go Big Teaze!

I Rub My Duckie Bondage $25.99

Gina:  “If a company can make me smile and make me cum at the same time, they win my heart. Now my heart belongs to Big Teaze. I Rub My Duckie Bondage is just one of the great Collector’s Series duckies available from Big Teaze Toys. You have to see the other!  Makes me giggle just visiting the site.”irubmyduckie.jpg
Kevin:  “I got such a kick out of this.  And speaking of kicks; this little bugger is mighty powerful.”
Gina:  “Bondage
Duckie has a permanent place in our bathroom.  It is always in reach.  There is nothing better than a waterproof vibe.  I love to get off in the tub.”
Kevin:  “It’s a real conversation piece too. It even comes with its own set of
Duckie-sized handcuffs.  What a hoot!  Guests always comment on our fashionable BDSM Duckie.  Little do they know.”
Gina:  “When Kevin and I enjoy a soak together we never forget to invite
Duckie.  And you can use it several different ways.  But I think you should find that out on your own.”
Kevin:  “Batteries ARE included.  So your first rides are free!”

I Rub My Wormie Pink Travel Size $22.99

Kevin:  “The I Rub My Wormie we have is the travel sized one.  That makes is a bit smaller than the regular size.  It make an excellent butt plug.”
Gina:  “Or Pussy plug!
I Rub My Wormie has a, ergonomic bend in his neck to reach your G- or P-spot.  It has an easy-grip body so he won’t wiggle out of irubmywormie.jpgyour hands.”
Kevin:  “Oh baby, Oh baby, you make me so hot!!  Don’t forget the 3-speeds of vibration.”
Gina:  “It actually is the perfect toy to travel with.  Airport security will think you are carrying a baby’s toy.  If they only knew.
Kevin:  “All you health conscious consumers out there should know these toys are non-toxic, Phthalate-free, PVC-free and latex-free.”
Gina:  “Sadly, I Rub My Wormie does not come with batteries.  What’s up with that Big Teaze Toys?  No one should be creating battery operated toys without including the fist set of batteries.  It’s just wrong.
Kevin:  “Gina and I agree these toys make ideal holiday gifts.  Just make sure if you plan to give one of these as a gift that you buy the toy with the batteries, or include the batteries as part of your gift.”
Gina:  “No one wants a toy that can’t be used right out of the package.”
Kevin:  “Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from both of us.”
Gina:  “And a Happy orgasm-filled New Year too!”