ELISE —— $169
Jack & Karen
Karen: “Finally we’ve got our hands on a LELO. We were beginning to wonder who we had to fuck to get in on the LELO action around here.”
Jack: “Like my daddy always said, ‘Ya gotta walk through a lot of manure before you find the pony.’”
Karen: “The ELISE is way better than a pony!
This black beauty (ours is black) is made from medical grade silicone. It’s just short of 10” long with just about 5” insertable length. It’s got a sweet curve to it and its torpedo-shaped. I like that shape because it looks just like Jack’s thingy.”
Jack: “Thingy? My THINGY? She’s such a grownup.”
Karen: “Sorry, that didn’t come out like I hoped. Jack’s cock is torpedo-shaped and it curves, to the left. Is that better, honey?”
Jack: “Yes dear, that’s better. It’s just that I never heard you use “thingy” before.
Ok, on with our review. The ELISE has 5 stimulation modes and 5 speeds. It’s super quiet. It’s also rechargeable; so there’s no stinkin’ batteries to buy.”
Karen: “The Scandinavian designers of the ELISE clearly had the woman user in mind when they developed this vibe. When I use it by myself, for G-spot stimulation, the controls are right where they should be, in the handle were I see and can reach them. There are also two, count them, two points of vibration — one in the tip, another in the shaft.”
Jack: “The ELISE comes with the elegant signature LELO high-end packaging. It’s a gift just waiting to be given.”
Karen: “But be sure to use only water-based lube with this silicone vibe.”
Jack: “And be careful that you don’t get any lube (or water, when you’re cleaning up) in the recharging port.”
Karen: “That’s the only drawback I see to this Pleasure Object. Other than that, you can be completely uninhibited with the ELISE. Isn’t that true, Jack? Why not tell the good people your little secret?”
Jack: “Ok, ok, Stop The Presses! I have an announcement. I broke my ass cherry with the ELISE. There I said it.
I wasn’t actually gonna say that here, because I’m still a little, how shall I put this, sensitive about the whole anal insertion thing. But WTF, right?
I mean I had a ball with this bugger. I’m like totally sold on the prostate massage concept now. But still, years of equating butt-play with gay will take awhile to dissolve.”
Karen: “I am so proud of you for coming out like this, you little butt pirate, you!”
Jack: “Hey now, that’s our little secret.”
Karen: “Yeah, us and all of our readers.”
Jack : “Like I suggested a bit ago, cleanup is easy with just some soap and water; just mind the recharger port. If you’re gonna share this toy, like we did, be sure to thoroughly wipe it down with a lint-free towel wet with peroxide, rubbing alcohol or a 10% bleach solution. Remember, you won’t be able to boil it or pop it in the dishwasher to sterilize.”
Karen : “Yes, we ought to emphasize that The ELISE isn’t waterproof. Splash proof, yes; waterproof, no.”
Jack : “We’re totally sold on the ELISE. Give it a try; you will be too.”