Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews

And now for something completely different!  Our next line of products will be introduced by a newcomer to the Review Crew — Christa.

Here’s the thing.  The exceptionally irreverent and downright blasphemous folks are Divine Interventions have cum up with a line of exquisite silicone insertables.  You say; “Ok Dr Dick, we loves us some silicone dildos!”  Yeah, everyone on the Review Crew said the same thing.

But not so fast, since these remarkable insertables are fashioned in a most unorthodox manner (to say the least) no crew member had the audacity to take them on.  That is until Joy turned me on to her 20-something goth-chick pal, Christa.  She was like totally down with the whole sacrilegious concept, as you will see.

Diving Nun $59

Christa here!  I can’t believe that you’re just gonna fork over three totally bitchin’, top of the line, high-grade silicone toys, like for free.  And the fact that these babies skewer the whole religion thing makes ‘em even hotter.

So ok, I can see where these are not for everyone.  People are so fuckin’ uptight about shit like this.  But like I said, that only makes them more of a turn on for me.

Take the Diving Nun for instance.  This is a no nonsense dong, 7-3/4” tall with a 1-3/4” diameter.  This will fill you up.  It comes in lots of hot colors.  Mine is appropriately virgin Mary blue.  What’s so great about this particular dildo is that it has a suction base.  It’ll stick to the floor, if you’re takin it up the ass or to the wall if you wanna hands-free pussy-fuck yourself.  Now, that’s what I call versatile!  I had my way with this thing in the shower the other day and I’m still walkin’ funny today.

Baby Jesus Butt Plug $35

I saved the Baby Jesus Butt Plug for my sub, butt-boy BF, Alex.  He is like this total ass whore.  I was the first girlfriend he ever had that fingered his hole and played with his prostate.  Now it’s ‘fuck me, fuck me, fuck me’ all the time.  This butt plug is perfect for keeping him stuffed and horny so that he gets me off a bunch of times before he does himself.  And I can just lay back and enjoy.  If you have an ass-hungry man in your life, or you are ass-hungry yourself and you’d get off even more by shovin’ an icon where the sun don’t shine; this is the plug for you.

The secret to the success of all these insertables is all the assorted nooks, crannies, ribbing and curves.  These are the things that will send you to paradise!

This Baby Jesus Butt Plug is 4-1/2” tall with 1-1/2” diameter. It comes in a bunch of hot colors.  Alex’s is marbled red.

Jackhammer Jesus $65

The ultimate in blasphemy!  Ever get in the mood to go like all Linda Blair in the Exorcist?  Frankly I hadn’t ever thought about it till I discovered that my Jackhammer Jesus is a silicone crucifix with a beautiful dickhead at the foot of the cross. Then all manner of wickedness crossed (no pun intended) my mind.

This beauty rivals the Diving Nun in size, 7-1/2” tall by 1-3/4” diameter. It’s not as versatile as the Nun, because it doesn’t have a suction base.  But the Jackhammer Jesus is even more twisted.

I suppose all you visitors to the Dr Dick site already know that you can only use water-based lubes with silicone, right?  I hope so, because silicone-based lubes will seriously fuck up a silicone toy.  Care and cleaning of silicone is way easy too.  Warm water and mild soap is what I use.  If I need to sterilize before sharing my toys, I boil the toy for a few minutes.  I also wipe down my toys with a 10% bleach solution and a lint-free cloth between each use.  But you can use peroxide or rubbing alcohol too.  This will keep your toys as fresh as the day you bought them…or in my case picked ‘em up at Dr Dick’s place.

One final thing, the Divine Interventions site sells a bunch of other insertables too.  And you’ll be happy to know that they are equal-opportunity blasphemers they skewer other religious figures too.  I’m gonna save my sheckles and buy me a Devil’s Advocate.

Heart-Shaped Massage Body Candle — Naked in the Woods 6 oz. $15.99

Edible Candle — Watermelon 4 oz. $15.99

Angie:  I couldn’t agree more with the Dr D!  I was thrilled when asked to review these two candles — the Heart-Shaped Massage Body Candle — Naked in the Woods and the Edible Candle — Watermelon.  They are scrumptious.

I have very sensitive skin, so I have to be very careful what products I use.  Initially, I was concerned that fragranced products, like these, would not sit well on my skin.  So I decided to visit the Earthly Body website and do some homework before my first use.  I was delighted to learn that all their products are vegan and nontoxic.

My first use was right after my bath.  I lit a candle, which fragranced the room while I enjoyed my bath.  Naked in the Woods has a light earthy sent with just a hint of pine. the Edible Candle — Watermelon is…well all watermelon-y.  Is there such a word?  Depending on my mood, I had a choice between earthy and fruity.  By the time if finished my bath, there was enough liquefied oil to generously moisturize my legs.  This is a much finer oil than what I usually use, so much more silky.

One thing I did not know is that Hemp Seed Oil is known as ‘nature’s most perfectly balanced oil,’ and has the highest concentration of Essential Fatty Acids (EFAs) of any essential oil.  I guess that explains the rich texture of the melted candle.

As a special treat, I used the Naked in the Woods candle on my husband.  He probably would have resisted had I asked him first.  Scented things are not his bag. He’s such a guy!   But I had the candle lit at our bedside.  (The scent is not overwhelming in any way.)  We were feeling amorous; and I said I wanted to treat him to a little back rub.  He never says no to a massage.  I extinguished the candle and dribbled the warm oil on his back.  I poured it from about one foot above his back, so that by the time it hit him it was only slightly warmer than his skin.  He moaned with delight as I rubbed it in.

The economy being what it is, I believe more and more of us will be turning to simple, inexpensive pleasures that can be enjoyed at home.  These Earthly Body candles have only whet my appetite to try some of their other products.  (Hubby dear, if you’re reading this, as I know you are, the New Year will be a whole lot more sensual if I find a big gift pack of Earthly Body goodies under the tree.  Hint, hint!)

One final thing, and I know that Dr Dick agrees with me on this, we are both delighted to see that Earthly Body, besides being an earth-friendly, totally GREEN company, it also has a much bigger social conscience.  The founders of the company have created a charitable foundation called The Get Together Foundation. How fantastic is that?

Pink Nubby Rocket $29.99

Tag:  I almost got myself off with ‘Big Blue’, when I happened to look over and see the slightly more petite pink puppy waiting to take me for a ride.  I carefully released my grip on ‘Big Blue’, clamped down to stem the tide of my building orgasm and turned my attention to the Pink Nubby Rocket.

Actually Pink Nubby Rocket isn’t so little.  Approximately 7 ” in length and 1″ in diameter; this rose-colored dong features a nicely curved shaft with a whole lot of nubbies.  It has a nice base to hold on to for pumping in and out and directing the head to your P-spot (or G-spot).

My anal ring just loved opening and closing each time I slowly pushed another knobby ridge through.  You know that feeling when a dick head pops in and you relax a little and get ready for the rest?  Well this is just like that, only many more times over. And the curvature was perfect for working over my prostate, which made me leak.

This time I didn’t hold back and the Pink Nubby Rocket brought me home.  I howled loud enough to scare the dog.

On another occasion, my friend and I did a little double butt action he used the Pink Nubby Rocket, because he’s relatively new to ass play.  I hauled out the Cobalt Blue Smooth Vibrating Glass Wand, because I love a challenge.  My friend and I lie side-by-side, our heads at opposite ends of the bed.  This allowed us to work each other’s toy with one hand and pull our pud with the other.  Damn, if this wasn’t more fun than a barrel of monkeys.

You should know that a glass dildo gets real slick with just a wee bit of lube.  The good folks at Don Wands also thoughtfully included a sample packet of WET personal lube in the package.  Because a glass dong is nonporous the lube won’t get tacky.

One thing for sure, neither one of these dildos feels as substantial as the first one I had.  Of course, there was a huge price differential too.  The stunning one Dr Dick gave me last spring is much heftier; the glass seems more dense.

Now I’m very careful with all my toys, but I had the feeling that if I dropped one of the Don Wands they would shatter.  Not so the original one.  So that’s my only critique.  I’d prefer to pay more for high-quality glass, rather than get something for less, but fear that it might slip from my lubed-up fingers and possibly smash to smithereens on the floor.

Their website shows lots of different models including one colored and shaped like a candy cane.  I certainly hope Santa brings me one of those, because I have been very very good.

Aromatherapy Earthly Body Candle — Melt Away 6 oz. $15.99

One of the best things about being Dr Dick is sharing the bounteous products sent to me for review with my Review Crew.  It’s like bein’ friggin’ Santa Claus all year long.  Despite my exceptionally big heart there are always some pangs of envy as I see a product I covet go off to a new home in the hot little hands of one of my posse.  Generosity is so bittersweet.

I had the damnedest time trying to choose among the Earthly Body products.  Each one is a mini treasure.  But since I am an avid practitioner of massage and bodywork I chose the Aromatherapy Earthly Body Candle — Melt Away as my keeper.

If you are unfamiliar with the concept of a body candle, here’s the deal.  These beauties are designed to melt at a lower temperature than regular candles.  You light them like regular, of course, but they liquefy quicker, thus the ‘wax’ (more precisely, oil) is not so hot.  So you light your candle, melt some, extinguish the flame and then use the sensuous scented oil to massage with.  There simply is nothing finer!

Not all such candles are created equal, don’t cha know.  But I can say with confidence that the Earthly Body candle is the finest I’ve ever used; bar none.  Their candles are made from 8 Natural Oils including Hemp Seed (Mmmm Hemp!), Vitamin E, Jojoba, Avocado, and Almond.  This is like a picnic for your skin.  It penetrates easily thus moisturizing your skin leaving it soft and smooth, like a baby’s bottom.

Wanna take a mini-vacation for under $20?  Look no further than Earthly Body.

And the fragrance is out of this world.  This particular candle — Melt Away, is scented with clove.  These candles are infused with real aromatherapy essences, mind you.  No cheap artificial stuff here, I’m happy to report.  So you have this complete experience — a scented candle that fragrances the room, which also provides an equally delectably scented high-quality massage oil.

Hey sex fans,

Holy cow!  It’s Week 2 of our Holiday Extravaganza.

As you know, the Dr Dick Review Crew is throwing our product review apparatus into high gear.  We want to get as many reviews out there as possible before the end of the year.  We certainly don’t want to leave you hanging…as to what is hot and juicy in the holiday gift giving department, don’t cha know.

Cobalt Blue Smooth Vibrating Glass Wand $79.99

My name is Tag and this is my first published outing with the Dr Dick Review Crew.  Dr Dick and I go way back, but that’s another story all together.

The Cobalt Blue Smooth Vibrating Glass Wand is waterproof and like all glass dildos it’s hypo-allergenic, nonporous, ultra-smooth and very durable. I really appreciated the fact that the first set of batteries (2 AA’s) were included in the package.  There’s nothing I hate more than bringing home a battery-operated toy only to discover that the batteries are not included.  There oughta be a law against that!

Anyhow, I’m no stranger to glass insertables.  In fact, I have an absolutely stunning one that DD gave me last spring.  It’s hard (no pun intended) not to make a comparison between the first one and these two.  But before we get to that, let’s evaluate the two Don Wands glass dildos on their own merits.

Cobalt Blue Smooth Vibrating Glass Wand is a substantial dildo indeed.  It is, of course, rock-hard, straight as an arrow and a beautiful cobalt blue.   It’s 8” long with a 4 1/2′” circumference and it vibrates.

I don’t generally take things this big in my butt, so I figured ‘Big Blue’ would be the boyfriend to make me shout.  It warmed easily by running it under warm water (it could be chilled just as easily); took very well to assorted lubes; and just as I thought, it made me moan.  It was especially fun when I realized the vibration had a continuous setting and an intermittent setting.  The pulsating vibe was my favorite.

Carlos introduces us to another beauty from NobEssence — ROMP.

ROMP $110

Carlos:  “It’s great to be back with some of my old review pals and some new ones too.

I feel a little odd being the only single person here, but my ROMP is perfect for solitary use.  It’s an exquisite wooden butt plug/prostate massager.

Before I continue with a description, I want to say that I agree with everything Ken and Denise said about their sculpture.  And since you just heard from them, I won’t repeat it all myself.

ROMP is the best prostate massager I’ve ever used.  And I’ve tried several.  It fits snug and stays in place because of the notch between the handle and the rounded insertable end.  And it’s designed to be worn for extended periods of time.  The longer you wear it, the better it feels.  Dr Dick and I are both big advocates of prostate self-awareness and prostate massage.  And this is the perfect ‘tool’ for that.

It isn’t all that big, so it is suitable for even the beginner.  The insertable section is 3 1/2” long and 1 1/2” at its widest point.  Nothing threatening there!  I suppose you could just as well use ROMP for G-spot stimulation, but I don’t have one of those.  So I can’t speak to that.

Lube, of course, is important.  And ROMP is compatible with all types of commercially produced lubes — water-based, silicone-based, whatever you have.

I love my ROMP.  I’ve already turned a couple of my bi-men friends on to this amazing instrument.

One thing I should point out.  The NobEssence site only allows you to buy directly from them if you use PayPal.  That is such a bummer.  Because there are a whole lot of us that will never use PayPal, ever.  I’m sure the sculptor looses a fair amount of business not having other pay options.  Luckily, the NobEssence site offers links to other online stores where you can purchase these marvels using a credit card.  So hurray for that!

If you have a prostate, or know someone who does, this is the ideal holiday gift for him.  Get ‘em while they’re hot!” 

ENJOY

Ken & Denise introduce us to one of the beauties from NobEssence — TRYST.

TRYST $180.00

Denise:  “Thank you for the warm welcome to the Dr Dick Review Crew.  It’s been a blast…literally and figuratively.”
Ken:  “Denise has been eager to join our little club since our adventures with The Vergenza Mk. I.”
Denise:  “This time we have an equally beautiful and oh so functional dildo/massager, TRYST.  It’s sculpted wood.  Isn’t it gorgeous?
Ken:  “Yeah, like The Vergenza Mk. I, TRYST is a work of art.
Denise:  “It’s is ‘double header’, if you will.  One end is round, smooth and bulbous.  It is uniquely shaped to stimulate either G-spot or P-spot. The other end is a beaded sort of thing that supplies the most delicious rippling sensation.  And each end is perfectly angled to act as a handle when the other end slides into place.  It’s brilliant!”
Ken:  “I’ve never used anything like it.  I mean, it’s10” long.  The bulb end is 1 1/2” at the tip, but it then widens to a 2” body before the traditional plug notch.  The beaded end is curved, but smaller— an 1” at its widest point.”
Denise:  “And, of course, TRYST can be used vaginally and anally.  Or did you already get that from my G-spot or P-spot reference?  I’m a little slow sometimes.”
Ken:  “We’ve enjoyed this dildo every which way.  And we haven’t tied of it yet.
Denise:  “I sense that some of our visitors may be apprehensive about wood as an insertable.  Well let me put your mind at ease.  It’s perfectly safe.  These sculptures are sealed with an impermeable finish that is hypoallergenic, sent-free, waterproof and bacteria resistant.  And because wood is all natural, there are no worries about chemical additives, like phthalates.”
Ken:  “Yeah, this is about as green as you can get.”
Denise:  “Clean up is a breeze.  Warm water and a mild soap do the trick.  When we trade off using this gem; we wipe it down with peroxide and a lint-free towel.  But you can use alcohol or a 10% bleach solution too.
Ken:  “Mick said something about how slick his toy got with just the smallest amount of lube.  The same is true with TRYST.  Like those guys we prefer a silicone-based lube.  And another noteworthy thing is that wood will warm to your body temperature as you use it.”
Denise:  “All NobEssence sculptures come in beautifully designed gift boxes.  Perfect for holiday gift giving.”
Ken:  “This is a very special gift for that very special someone.  It is both artistic and sensual.  If you want to make a HUGE impression; this will make the point.”

Mick & Chuck introduce us to Smooth Glider.

Smooth Glider $89.95

Mick:  “Hey, it’s great to be back as part of the Dr Dick Review Crew.
Chuck:  “This is the dream “job. What’s not to love about getting free sex toys?  And we loves us some toys.”
Mick:  “Yeah, but we’re also informing people about what to look for in quality products while avoiding the junk.”
Chuck:  “Exactly!  Speaking of quality, check out our Smooth Glider.  It’s stunning.  It’s made of Pyrex glass.”
Mick:  “It’s approximately 7 inches long and 1 1/4 inches in diameter with a nicely sculpted head that measures approximately 1 1/2 inches in diameter.  It weighs a hefty 12.4 oz.  And the sucker is smooth as glass…thus the name.  Duh!
Chuck:  “Well a lot of glass dildos are textured.  This one happens to be smooth. But it does have a nice curve to it.  It’s perfect for prostate stimulation.”
Mick:  “Or G-Spot stimulation, if you have one of those.” 
Chuck:  “The first thing you need to know is that not all glass dildos are created equal.  There are plenty of cheap knock-offs out there that I wouldn’t stick in my ass for a million bucks.  But the Smooth Glider is top of the line.”
Mick:  “If you’ve never used a glass dido you will be amazed.  It’s like no other material.  With just the tiniest amount of lube (we use a silicone-based lube) this thing becomes amazingly slick.  And you can warm or chill this baby for added sensations.”
Chuck:  “The Smooth Glider, like all quality glass products, is easy to care for too.  Warm soapy water and a nice lint-free towel is all you need for clean up.  But you can pop it in the dishwasher; sterilize it in a 10% bleach solution; or in boiling water for a couple of minutes.  Making it the idea toy for sharing.”
Mick:  “One more thing about the Smooth Glider’s design.  It has a nice base on it.  So it’s easy to grab hold of for turning or pumping in and out.”
Chuck:  “Mmmmm, pumping in and out!”
The Smooth Glider comes in a beautiful red padded velvet pouch to protect it when it’s not punishing your, or someone you love’s ass.”
Mick:  “I highly recommend the Smooth Glider to anyone who is looking for the classic glass dildo.  You will not be disappointed.”
Chuck:  “I second that!  And anyone out there still unsure about glass toys, if you buy quality, like the Smooth Glider, you have nothing to worry about.  But like all high-end toys you need to treat it right.  Care for it properly, and it will last a lifetime.”
Mick:  “Yeah just think this could be an heirloom, passed down from generation to generation.  In about a hundred years look for it to appear on the Antique Road Show.  ‘Why, my great, great uncle Mick buggered himself senseless with this beauty!’” 

Sexual EnhanceMints $1.00

I, Dr Dick, have the pleasure of introducing you to a swell product that I know you’re gonna love.  It’s called Sexual EnhanceMints.  Can ya stand it?  I get such a kick out of that name.

I love walking up to just about anyone and saying; “Care for a mint?”  Inevitably they say; “Sure!”  I open my hand, present the handsome tin and say; “It’s a Sexual EnhanceMint!”  Predictably the look on their face will be priceless.

Seriously, sex fans, you can now freshen your breath and enhance sexual prowess all at the same time.  Who’s not gonna like that?  And the best part is Sexual EnhanceMints are perfect for both women AND men.

These peppermint flavor breath mints (20 mints to a tin) contain the active ingredient — Rhodiola Rosea Extract, a very popular botanical that has been lab tested and clinically proven to increase stamina and improve mood.

And here’s something I really appreciate; Sexual EnhanceMints are manufactured with the highest quality ingredients available and produced in a fully licensed, FDA approved facility.  That’s important, because, as you know, there is so much trash out there.  Adulterated products, misleading claims, foreign manufacturers; good lord it’s hard to have any confidence at all in the other sex related products that flood the marketplace these days.

So do they work?  You betcha they do!  But I encourage you not to think of Sexual EnhanceMints as some kind of “boner pill” or aphrodisiac.  They’re not that.  Think of them as a dietary supplement in mint form. They work as the Rhodiola Rosea builds up in your system.  I can say with confidence that they increased my energy level and enhanced my mood.  As a consequence I had a distinct boots in my libido too.

I enjoyed three mints in the morning and two more mints in the afternoon. (Five or six a day is the suggested intake for maximum results.)  The good people at Ocean Rock Research, the manufacturer of Sexual EnhanceMints, sent me 12 tins of containing 20 mints apiece.  That would have been a 45 day supply if I had kept them all to myself.  But as I mentioned, I simply had to share the bounty.    I did, however, have plenty for myself to thoroughly test the product and eliminate any placebo effect.

As an aside, I have several friends in the gym culture who were already using Rhodiola Rosea as a supplement to boost their workouts.  And they swear by it.  So I can confidently turn you on to Sexual EnhanceMints as a means to a healthier life in general and richer sex life in particular.

Hey sex fans,

I know it’s hard to believe, but the freakin’ holidays are upon us once again.  Bah Humbug!

So ok, not everyone is not a Scrooge, like me.  That’s why the Dr Dick Review Crew is throwing our product review apparatus into high gear.  We want to get as many reviews out there in the next month as possible.  We want you to have a load of swell holiday gift giving ideas, don’t cha k now.

Jack & Karen introduce us to Pleasure Pack Combo.

The Right Position Sex Pillow Combo $89.00

Karen:  “I’m just wild about The Right Position Sex Pillow.  Until the day Jack and I picked up the Pleasure Pack Combo at Dr Dick’s, I hadn’t given much thought to how exceptionally useful a specialized cushion like this could be.”
Jack:  “I totally agree.  Ya see the sex pillow is wedge shaped (about 6” at its widest), which allows us to position our bodies for a more accommodating and comfortable fuck.”
Karen:  “But it’s not just for fucking, although I must say it is ideal for anal sex, but I’ll get to that in a minute.  What I like most is that it raises my pelvis just enough so that Jack can pleasure me orally.  And The Right Position Sex Pillow is so comfortable too”
Jack:  “In the past, we had to fumble around with traditional pillows to place under Karen’s ass to raise it to just the right height for me to effortlessly eat her out.  But now with The Right Position Sex Pillow I can crawl between her legs and find her pussy at precisely the right height for me to dig in.”
Karen:  “My man has the most talented tongue around.  I’m totally down with anything that makes him more comfortable while he works, if ya know what I mean..”
Jack:  “Karen mention ass fucking.  When I bottom for her I love her to peg me while we’re face to face.”
Karen:  “Before we got The Right Position Sex Pillow I found face-to-face pegging a real chore.  Jack is a lot bigger and heaver than I, and even though he tries to keep his legs up during the peg, it’s exhausting and when he tires they crash down around my shoulders.  It’s difficult for me to help him keep his legs up so it’s kind of frustrating.”
Jack:  “Yeah, but now all I have to do is position the Sex Pillow under my back so that the widest part of the wedge is just slightly above my waist.  This allows me to throw my legs up and back and keep them there with ease.  It’s really great.”
Karen:  “It really has made all the difference in the world.  How we did without one of these for so long is beyond me.”
Jack:  “I like the fact that Sex Pillow cleans up easily with just a little soap and water.  It’s made of soft latex free foam that resists lube stains. Thank you very much!  And it has a built in handle, so it’s easy to adjust.”
Karen:  “The Right Position Sex Pillow even comes with its own lovely satin drawstring bag.”
Jack:  “Tell ‘em about the other thing.”
Karen:  “He’s referring to The Pleasure Wrap.  It’s very sweet sexy little throw with a soft furry fleece side and silky satin side. It’s ideal for cuddling after a romp.  I often get chilled afterward, even on the warmest days.  So this is perfect for me.  Oh, and machine washable too.  They’ve thought of everything!”
Jack:  “In case you haven’t noticed, we love these products.  You can buy the pillow and wrap separately.  But the combo is so reasonably priced; why not splurge?  It will make the perfect holiday gift for all you lovers out there.”