Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Reviews

ELBOW GREASE Hot —— $4.75

Jack Cascade*
The promotional claim reads: ELBOW GREASE Hot Cream is of the same thick consistency as the Original formula but, it heats up! The Hot formula is a mineral oil-based, warming, thick cream lubricant. It stands beside its Original brother as the oldest warming cream formula on the market today. The warming agent in our formula is menthol.

For review purposes, the long-established Elbow Grease people sent us a 1 oz container of their ELBOW GREASE Hot.

I want to know who the hell thought it’d be a good idea to promote the sensation of burning to a throbbing cock. Some sadist, perhaps? For most men out there, the thought of heat and burning anywhere near our precious penis is enough to shut down the erector set and make us want to put the toys away. The fact that the active ingredient to create the “warming” sensation in ELBOW GREASE Hot is menthol seems to be quite the misnomer.

Whatever brilliant mind came up with this marketing mistake needs to be shot at dawn. Whatever happened to menthol being associated with sensations of fresh and, I don’t know, cool? The real benefit of ELBOW GREASE Hot has yet to be marketed. However, I’m pretty proud that I was able to find some enjoyable uses for this stuff. First off, forget about using it to jack off or to fuck with.

The real titillation comes when you apply a liberal amount, rub in, wait a couple of minutes while the menthol works its magic. Ok, ok so it does work on your dick. But the second time I used ELBOW GREASE Hot lubricant, I slathered it on my balls and perineum, then waited a bit. Within minutes, an intense tingling, COOLING sensation (some may consider this a warming sensation) had my cock harder than before. However, I kept it off my shaft. Here’s the key to using this product: don’t be afraid to experiment.

The third time I used it on my nipples as I had on my balls. It was intense and also lovely. The real pleasure of this cream is coming up with new ways to apply it. Next I want to try it along the back of my neck or maybe on the inside of my wrists. The possibilities are endless and the potential to improve your orgasm is unlimited. In the right hands, ELBOW GREASE Hot can turn sex into a whole new experience. Get some today and have some fun!

*Read about Jack’s personal journey as a single man living a year without sex HERE! He hastens to add that masturbation is allowed and encouraged.

ELBOW GREASE Light —— $4.75

[editors note: I want to say a word about the ELBOW GREASE company’s background. It was founded back in 1979, long before the onset of the AIDS crisis and thus the pressing need for condoms. So these folks were one of the pioneers of the personal lube phenomenon. Back then, gay men were more likely to use Crisco as a lubricant for their intense fuck sessions. This became a huge problem, because Crisco, if not stored properly, would go rancid in time. And when it did, you, your partner(s), your sheets and your bedroom would stink like week old french-fries. Trust me, it wasn’t pleasant. Happily, Elbow Grease Original Cream put an end to that annoying sexual faux pas when it exploded onto the market. Finally, we had an alternative to a vat of smelly vegetable shortening rotting under the bed. ELBOW GREASE is greaseless and odorless, but still thick and creamy. It revolutionized the way we had partnered sex as well as simply jerkin off. Without further ado here’s Jack.

Jack Cascade*
For review purposes, the Elbow Grease people sent us a 1 oz container of their ELBOW GREASE Light.

I must admit that I’m not a big fan of mineral-based cream lubricants. If it’s thick and creamy, I just feel like it belongs on my face. Before you get any brilliant visual images, I’m talking about Noxzema. My mother uses it religiously on her own face. Though she swears by it, I never adopted the habit. Needless to say, the association of mom when I pop open a canister of creamy lube is dis-engorging to say the least. Furthermore, why lather on a thick cream, unless there’s a fun way to get it off. Now forget about mom and visualize that facial you were thinking about before.

I may have to start a new devotion to ELBOW GREASE Light formula. One liberal application to your cock and I bet you won’t last as long as the lubricant. Silly me, I tried this creamy stuff on a latex condom suited toy without much luck. They just don’t seem to be made for each other. And guess what? Actually they’re not. Who reads labels before taking the plunge? Not me!

Although I am not one to condone bareback sex, if you’re going to grease it up to your elbows, I’d recommend this type of lubricant for true gutter slut sex. But in my humble opinion, fornication should be like fisting, it’s always better with a glove. So keep this on the shelf for those moments alone or during your masturbatory marathons with your favorite cinematic selection in the foreground. But if you’re lucky enough to be in a relationship that doesn’t require a condom, knock yourself out! This stuff is great.

*Read about Jack’s personal journey as a single man living a year without sex HERE! He hastens to add that masturbation is allowed and encouraged.

Eve’s Rabbit —— $43.00

Christa

Eve’s Rabbit is freakin wild! It is11 inches long; there’s not one single thing that’s sleek, stylish or girly about it. It weighs in at a hefty 1.5lbs, when loaded with the four AA batteries you need to power this behemoth. (The batteries are not included; so there’s that.) And damn, if this thing doesn’t do everything but mow the lawn. I mean Eve’s Rabbit is a serious industrial strength vibe.

When I want to get off in a hurry, I always choose a rabbit vibe. I need clit stimulation, or fugetaboutit! When I’m gettin my self off with just my hands, I always finger my cunt as I rub my clit. Eve’s Rabbit allows me to fuck myself and get the clit flutter action I desire all at the same time. And get this; there are 4 rotating speeds and 7 vibrating speeds and they work independent of one another, which is kinda cool. It also has a simple on/off switch that brings the thing to rest without having to cycle through all the speed options. I like that.

The control panel is pretty straight forward — on/off button; vibe pattern button and independent speed buttons for increasing and decreasing the speed. The insertable shaft is made of a translucent jelly type of material. In the past, I’ve tended to avoid jelly like materials because of phthalates. But the Eve’s Rabbit package says it’s phthalate free; latex free too. So I guess we’ll just have to trust them on that.

When this thing is chugin away; it’s none too quiet. But considering all that it is doing — rotating and vibrating — you can’t very well expect different. I know some women don’t care for a realistic looking dickhead on their insertables. If you are one such woman, this baby is not for you. For the rest of us who get off on the natural design of things Eve’s Rabbit will satisfy.

Eve’s Rabbit is not waterproof. I clean mine with a lint free cloth and mild soap and warm water.

Looking for a no-nonsense workhorse vibrator that will knock you socks off? Eve’s Rabbit is right for you. If you are looking for subtle, delicate and ladylike you’ll need to look elsewhere.

The Cone —— $129.00

Guess what, sex fans? I am the proud owner of my very own The Cone. And oh jeez, my life is never gonna be the same.

I am now the envy of all my friends — both the male and female variety — since the hot pink pyramid shaped package arrived on my doorstep. (Actually the hot pink pyramid shaped package arrived encased in a nondescript brown cardboard box, but you get the idea, right?)

I purposely left the shocking pink cone shaped object sitting nonchalantly on my desk for the past 10 days. Without fail it caught the eye of everyone who passed through Dr Dick’s office/salon/café/crash pad. “What the hell is that?” You’re kidding!” Really? “Get outta here!” “Oh My God, can I try it?” And so it went day after day.

I fond myself repeating the mantra — “It’s an innovative sex toy! – It’s pop art! – It’s my new BFF! — It’s three things in one!”

My hat is off to the developers of this unique unisex toy. You can tell right away that the folks who created this little wonder have a profound appreciation for sexual pleasure, as well as a joyful sense of playful fun. This kind of synergy can and apparently does turn the sex toy industry on its head. Bravo!

Ok, so what exactly is The Cone? Primarily, it is a hands-free battery-operated vibrator, don’t cha know. And that, sex fans, allows you to be pretty gal-darn creative in how you use the bugger. In fact, its unique design practically begs you to come up with clever new use or two every time you use it. I know of what I speak! I came up with one really good one. But I’m getting a little ahead of myself.

It has a sixteen-function 3000-rpm gold brush motor. It is both powerful and quiet. (Believe me, once you have at this thing, you will be making all the noise, not it.) It has a soft high-quality pink silicone skin. Its about seven inches in diameter at the base, five inches high, and weighs just over a pound. It has two push button controls. Simply put, there is nothing discreet about it, folks! Everything about it screams: “I’m here. I’m pink. Get used to it!

The Cone requires 3 “C” batteries. Unfortunately, the first set of batteries is not included in the package. I tell you this because I don’t want you to get all bummed out when you whip it out, for the first time, hoping to hop on for a ride only to discover you don’t have the proper batteries on hand.

Even though this isn’t an insertable device (That is, unless your hole looks like the Arc de Triomphe in Paris.), you’ll want to use a good personal lube to keep The Cone’s silicone skin from chafing your naughty parts. Just make sure you use a non-silicone lube though, or you’ll ruin the blasted thing.

Like I said, The Cone has sixteen different vibrating programs — from mild to “Whoa Nelly! I suggest you take your time and cycle through the different vibe patterns to find the ones you like best. Here’s a tip: the on/off switch doubles as an ‘Instant Orgasm’ button, which revs the thing up to fever pitch in an instant. This is apparently for all those folks out there who are just too damned busy to cum like a normal person.

For the uninitiated, the pointy cone shape may be intimidating. But relax there’s no need to worry; The Cone’s peak is soft and spongy. It’s sorta the consistency of a very stiff dick. You can sit on this baby, lean on it, lie on it or plop it in your lap. You can use it alone, or with a partner. Just don’t be surprised if your partner tries to monopolize The Cone. If you have girl parts, The Cone is ideal for your pussy, clit and taint (perineum). If you have boy parts, The Cone is perfect for your cock, balls and taint. And everyone’s asshole will sing for joy when The Cone comes knockin’ at the back door.

The Cone’s silicone skin is nonporous, which means bacteria cannot penetrate it. That makes it a breeze to clean. Just wipe it down with a mild soap and warm water after each use. To sterilize — remove the silicone skin from the unit and swish it in boiling water for a couple of minutes. Of course when you replace the skin, ya gotta realign it on the unit properly or you will not be able to find the operating buttons. But whatever you do, don’t immerse The Cone itself in water.

Ok, so The Cone is decidedly pricey. I’ll grant you that. But you know this thing is gonna last. And I’m a firm believer in buyin’ quality right from the get-go. In fact, if we consumers only patronized conscientious manufacturers of quality products, like The Cone; there’d be a lot less crap in the marketplace.

There are a couple or other interesting things I want to mention. First, every person — man, woman, whatever — who chatted me up about The Cone over the last 10 days said the same thing. “Does it come in other colors?” Now I know how trendy pink is these days, but for a lot of people it just won’t do. (It probably clashes with the flocked wallpaper in their dungeon.) I invite the manufacturer to consider what a hot button issue color is for most people. In fact, in many instances, it’s a deal breaker. If there were a skin color option, I suspect sales would double, or even triple.

Finally, to demonstrate the versatility of The Cone I want you to know that when I had a splitting headache the other day, I lay down and rested the base of my skull on the tip of The Cone. I put the vibe on gentle, and in no time at all, my headache was history.

The Cone is sure to be included in Dr Dick’s Sex Toy Hall of Fame.

ENJOY

Lucid Dream No. 14 —— $21.99

Gina
My last review of the year is, sadly, a bust.  Can’t win them all, I guess.

Here is a classic example of how a toy looks so amazing in the package, only to have it let you down outside of the package.  Lucid Dream No. 14 has an amazing shape.  It has a bulbous angled head on a gooseneck body.  It’s a jelly material in a luscious tangerine color.  And it’s transparent; so you can see the sizable vibe in the head.  I was confident this was going to be a brilliant G-spot vibe for sure.

Taking it out of the minimal, but stylish package produced the first concern I had.  It emanated a very unpleasant chemical smell.  This off-gas was really off-putting.  And the smell got on my hands just from taking it out of the package.  ICK!

I quickly washed the Lucid Dream and my hands with soap and water.  I had immediate misgivings about using this vibe on my body, but I though I’d better press on with my review.  I figured I could always slip a condom on it if I was going to have it come in contact with skin.

The next problem I encountered was battery placement. Lucid Dream calls for 2 AA-batteries, which are not included in the package.  That was a bummer, but I got over it.  Figuring out how the batteries fit into the battery compartment was a puzzle.  Nothing I saw on the vibe itself showed the battery placement technique.  There were no instructions in the package either.  I swear I tried the batteries every which way and thought; maybe this was a defective toy.  Then as I was opening the battery compartment to switch out the batteries one last time; the thing sprang to life.

Apparently, you have to close the battery compartment just so; any deviation from that, even tightening the cap a tiny little bit rendered the toy useless.  The batteries weren’t making contact with the terminals correctly.

A dial in the vibe’s base activates the multi-speed vibrator in the head of Lucid Dream.  This is one of those rheostat things.  Not a bad concept when executed correctly.  Again, unfortunately, this is not one of those times.  The dial is way to lose for it to be effective.  In order for this to work, there should be some resistance in the dial as one moves it up or down.  This dial had no such resistance.

I have to admit, the vibe was quiet, but it also wasn’t very powerful, even on the highest speed.  After all the trouble I had this Lucid Dream I didn’t even bother to try and pleasure myself with it.  You know, life is just too short for a bad vibe.

I think that Doc Johnson was on to something here, design wise anyhow.  But it simply didn’t work out as planned.  Bad Luck!

At any rate, HAPPY HOLIDAYS from both me and Kevin.  We’re both looking forward to a bang-up year of new products in 2010!

Love Connection —— $24.33

Joy
My partner, Dixie, and I each got a Doc Johnson toy to review.  Dixie posted her Wish-Bone Vibe review two weeks ago.  I got the equally cute, Love Connection to review.

This sweet little multi-speed vibe is actually two vibes in one.  There are two different silicone attachments that you screw on to the hard plastic base.  I’ve used other vibes that offered attachments, but I was disappointed to discover that I couldn’t count on the attachment staying in place during use.  The Love Connection is different.  The two attachments actually screw on to the handle, so there’s no chance the thing will come off when you’re using it.

But the best thing about this little wonder is that it’s waterproof.  There’s nothing that satisfies like a vibe in the bath.  There is a one touch fingertip control button on the base of the handle that allows you to cycle through the three speeds.  This is not a powerhouse vibe, but you wouldn’t expect it to be, being such a cute little thing.  But it gets the job done.

This would make the ideal vibe for travel.  It’s discreet, and it’s quiet.  The Love Connection runs on 2 AAA batteries.  Unfortunately, they are not included in the package.

Looking for a sweet little stocking stuffer for the naughty gal on your list?  You can’t go wrong with the Love Connection.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Cyberskin Pocket Pussy —— $39.99

Ken
Here’s the way I look at it; if god wanted us to jack off he would have given us arms long enough to reach our meat.  Oh wait, he did!  What luck for us!

I generally jerk off a couple of times a day.  This amazes my partner, Denise.  She thinks I’m some kind of sex freak, but I don’t know.  I beat off much less now than I did when I was a kid.  Back then, in my teens, I could and would squeeze one off five or six times a day.

Until this assignment as part of the Review Crew, I had never used a masturbation sleeve.  Sure, I’ve seen them around, but I thought to myself; why bother?  Ok, I’ll admit to being more than a little curious, so I jumped at the opportunity to review the Cyberskin Pocket Pussy by Topco.

This is my first Cyberskin toy of any kind.  This stuff rocks!  It’s amazingly soft and warm; there’s a silkiness to it too.  They claim that it feels like real human flesh, I wouldn’t go that far, but it is truly remarkable.

The Cyberskin Pocket Pussy is designed to look like a real pussy and it’s very realistic looking, let me tell you.  This may be a turn-off to some, especially gay dudes.  But other guys are gonna groove on this big time.

When I took it out of the package it had a greasy feel to it that kinda surprised me.  I guess whatever they put on it, some kind of preservative or something, keeps it from drying out while on the store shelf.  Anyhow, the Pocket Pussy once outside of its packaging is a floppy thing.  And that was a bit of a problem trying to get started with it.  The whole thing is a little over 8” long; the sleeve is 6” long; the pussy measures 2.5” thick by 3.5“ wide.

I generally use silicone lube when I jerk off, but I couldn’t use that with Cyberskin.  Luckily, I had some water-based lube available.

The Pocket Pussy has a very tight “vag” opening, it’s pretty stretchy, but gettin my dick in there was a problem and the floppy sleeve didn’t help.  However, once I got the hang of it, it was less of a bother.  I confess; this feels fantastic on my cock.  I can apply more pressure using my hand on the sleeve, but I didn’t really need to do that.  It is a mighty tight hole, and I’m not all that big.

So there I was stroking away watching some porn on the computer and thinking this is totally awesome.  Although, I kept thinking the thing needs something to steady the sleeve or tunnel area while fuckin it.

Once I popped a nut in the sleeve I pulled my dick out all satisfied.  But while I was admiring my new friend; I noticed that my spooge and lube was dripping out the other end on to my chair.  I had forgotten that the Pocket Pussy has an opening on the end that is supposed to make cleaning it easy.

So I quick grab the open end of the sleeve and squeeze it shut so that the rest of my joy juice doesn’t come out.  I take it to the bathroom and start the clean up.  This turned out to be a much bigger chore than I planned.  Ya gotta work soap and water into the sleeve and then rinse it all out.  Unfortunately, you can’t really turn the sleeve inside out, which would make cleaning easier.

Now that it’s clean, or as clean as I can get it; it needs to dry.  I tried drying it off with a towel as the package recommends, but I got little bits of lint all over the thing.  DAMN!  After that, I decided to just let it air dry.

Once it was completely dry the Cyberskin felt really tacky.  I looked at the instructions on the package again and it says: “Generously apply Renew to properly maintain your Cyberskin product.”  But what the fuck is “Renew”?  I looked on the Topco website and couldn’t find anything.  Luckily, Dr Dick told me a little secret.  Lightly dust with body powder or cornstarch to eliminate any stickiness.  Then you have to store it in a plastic bag to keep it fresh.

I loved the feel of the Cyberskin on my dick; I think you will too.  Fuckin it was a blast.  But I will save this toy for special jerk off occasions, because the cleanup is so labor and time intensive.

Sidekick Tease Me Sleeve —— $14.43

Carlos
I love to masturbate; I’ve been doing it since I was 11.  I love to masturbate with my wife; I like to masturbate with other men.  It’s about as safe a sex as you can have short of having no sex at all.

I’m pretty much a manual masturbator.  I never saw the need to improve on my hands for pleasuring myself.  But the thing about being a Review Crew member, we get exposed to all kinds of products we wouldn’t otherwise know about.  Take for instance the Sidekick Tease Me Sleeve.  I would have never guessed that I could enjoy masturbating even more than I used to by using a masturbation aid, like a sleeve.

The Sidekick Tease Me Sleeve is a simple enough product.  It’s made of 100% Elastomer, which allows me to use any type of lube you want to.  I’m partial to silicone lube, because it doesn’t break down like water-based lubes do during a long masturbation sessions.  And since I don’t have to worry about using a condom when I’m having sex with myself, silicone-based lube works best for me.

When you see the Sidekick in its package you’re actually seeing the inside of the thing.  It’s turned inside out in the package so you can see the dozens of nubs that will be massaging your penis when you use it.  Obviously the Sidekick is easy to turn inside out, which is all-important when you want it’s time to clean up, but more about that in a minute.

The hole you insert you penis in is a decent size, so you don’t have to struggle inserting it.  And since you’ll be adjusting the pressure around your penis with your hand, it’s pretty perfect.  So I lubed up and slipped the Sidekick over the head of my penis.  I’m uncut, so slipping it on also retracted my foreskin.  Honestly, I was really surprised by the feel of the nubs on my penis, particularly the head.  It was so strange to have that kind of sensation on my cock.  But once I got used to the sensation, I was thinking; man, this is great.

The other end of the Sidekick is closed.  That means as you stroke this up and down your penis you actually create a bit of a vacuum, which is also very nice.  Besides the up and down movement you can also rotate the Sidekick around your penis.  This creates a completely unique sensation, which almost tickles.  I loved it!

There are two minor drawbacks, if you can call them that.  Once the Sidekick is turned right-side out (the nubs are now on the inside where they belong) the outside has no texture at all.  This creates a bit of a problem with lubed up hands.  I found that it was sometimes difficult to get a good grip on the thing.  The other issue is the size.  It’s only 5.5” long.  Now that will fit most of us, but if your bigger than that, this might be a bit of a problem.

You can cum right in the Sidekick, because it so easy to clean.  Turn it inside out again, wash in warm soapy water and let it dry.  I found that once it dried; it felt a little sticky.  So I just dusted it with little bit of cornstarch.  Oh and you have to store it in a plastic bag, or something like that.  You don’t want it to get dirty or linty when it’s just lying around.

I really like my Sidekick.  It would make a great stocking stuffer for any guy, especially one who admits to pleasuring himself.

Wish-Bone Vibrator ——  $25.50

Dixie
I’m doing a solo review today.  My partner, Joy, is working on another review for later in this series.

I have something no nonsense to show you this time around.  It’s about as simple and straightforward as you can get.  It’s the Wish-Bone Vibrator.

I’ve used a lot of vibes in my day.  I think I own nearly two-dozen of them.  Some I’ve used a couple of times and that’s it; I never touch them again.  Others are favorites that I put to very good use frequently.  However, none of them look like the Wish-Bone.  So this little wonder gets high marks for it’s clever design.

Here’s how it works; you put your index finger (I prefer to use my middle finger) through the notch at the top of the vibe.  You finger tip lands on the single button that switches on the vibe and rotates it through its three speeds before coming to off.  That’s it; no bells, no whistles, just solid thoughtful design and construction.

It’s a perfect design.  I love to finger myself when I jill-off.  This extends my finger for effortless fingering.  It’s made of a hard plastic (phthalate-free) that excellently conducts the vibration.  It’s fabulous on my clit.  And if that isn’t enough, the thing is waterproof.  It’s so ideal; I now have the Wish-Bone permanently placed on the ledge of my tub.

And thank you, Doc Johnson, for including the first set of batteries.  That was mighty thoughtful of you.

Looking for a sweet little inexpensive stocking stuffer that will put a smile on a lady friend’s face.  Look no farther than the Wish-Bone.

Neo Cockring by Vibratex ——  $24.99

Brad
So I was like totally hot for the Neo Cockring when I saw it in its stylish plexiglas storage case.  At 33 I’m just discovering the joys of wearing a cockring. I was telling some of my gay clients at the gym about getting my first cockring about a month ago.  They looked at me like I had just landed from outer space. OK, so I’m a late bloomer; sue me!

The Neo Cockring is a clear jelly sorta deal.  Although it’s not a jelly, it’s made of a phthalate-free elastomer.  This may not make a difference to you, but it sure does to me.  I don’t do anything that may contain phthalates.  I mean, why would I endanger my health if I don’t have to?

The thing that rocks, or is supposed to, is this cockring has a built-in vibe, and it has this tickler side to it.  And even though the vibe is a tiny thing; it has two activation choices. The first is a side button that remains “on” until depressed, and the second is a pressure sensitive pad behind the ticklers.  So my GF is like waiting for me to warp this thing around my johnson and show her what it’ll do to her clit.  I position the ring around my dick and balls with the vibe on the top of my cock with the tickle head pointing outward.  Are you following this?

I activate the vibe and…well I feel it, but it ain’t rockin my world; as I had hoped.  But ok, maybe the vibe is not for me but my GF.  Ahhh, not so fast!  She says she can feel it too, and she likes the way it turns itself on as it comes in contact with her clit, but there ain’t enough bang for her buck either.

Bummer, cuz this is such a great concept.  You can see the Vibratex people put some thought into this.  I mean, the thing is waterproof and all; comes with batteries as well as a replacement set.  I never saw another vibe like that.  But still the vibe is a little too limp, if ya know what I mean.